I am Onit, hear me ROAR. Thread 5!

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

“I am not afraid of the storms for I am learning to sail my ship” Louisa May Alcott.

I was looking for something to call this thread and came across this quote.
It’s not entirely true; yet, but almost 3 years and 5 threads later, I actually almost believe I can do this.

But I still like the last thread title as it still feels fitting.
I’ll save the LMA quote for the next one.

Here’s a link to the last thread.
Hope you all find me, my amazing friends

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3211292-I-am-onit-hear-me-ROAR-occasionally

Thinking of you Onit. I’ve followed your threads through many name changes and marvelled at how you’ve coped with every shitty stick thrown your way. I hope today gives you the best possible result for you and your DC.

Good luck and KOKO

Good luck!
Chin up, shoulders back, look straight ahead

Good luck onit

Hope it goes well for you and the DC Onit.

I've not commented on your threads, but have followed them here and there. I hope that the court nails the bastard. He's every four-letter word under the sun and then some. He deserves to rot.

Just posting to say I hope you get everything you wish for and, more importantly, what you and the children deserve.

💐

Good luck I’ve followed your threads but not posted before.

Hope it went well for you Onit.

Oh God, how did it go Onit ?

How did it go, onit?

Sorry it’s so late. Only just getting wound down.
The sheriff has deferred his decision until the 21st of next month. In the meantime a child welfare officer will be sent to hear the dc’s views.
No change to the order so limbo for the next 3 weeks.
The twat represented himself and cried on cue.
I did get a chance to speak which hasn’t happened before but I’m wondering if that was to balance out the fact that he was able to prattle on without interruption.

I’m done in and need to sleep so I’ll come back tomorrow to fill in the details.
Night.

That is shit Onit. The Sherriff now leaves you hanging.
Lets pray when the decision comes it makes him shit himself inside of his play acting.
God I hate that man. despicable low life. What is he crying about? he doesn't spend time ith his kids? (btw has anyone mentioned that he has a 3rd now too ?) or that he can't afford to pay half of the uniform ?
What were you able to say ?

I think I just didn’t have enough evidence. He discarded the school letters as not specific to Monday’s and after that it boiled down to he said, she said.
There was evidence of major upset over the course of a couple of months but he only had my word for less obvious issues since Christmas time.
Their dad flat out lied about the incident in early June where DD sobbed her way reluctantly to the car. Where he sat in it and didn’t move to the point I had to get inside the car to do her seatbelt. Then usher DS I’m afterwards as he’d run off down the street.
He said that she’d gone happily, with no fuss.
I was asked about mediation as the asshat had said I wouldn’t communicate with him directly only by email, and I said it had been tried on a shuttle basis. I only thought later what I really wanted to say was he doesn’t want to communicate, he wants to dictate.
I said that I did not want to be in a room with him for reasons I wasn’t going to go into and, besides that, mediation for an hour took at least 4 hours
My lawyer pointed out that the many emails back and forth showed that I did communicate just not in the manner the asshat preferred.
The sheriff obviously had doubts about both of us and suggested a supplemental report to gather the views of the dc as things stand now.
My lawyer and I discussed that and he suggested an alternative. If the dc spoke to a children’s welfare officer, it would have very little cost.
(The first thing that was asked was if LCB had any intention of instructing a new solicitor and he said he could no longer afford it).
My lawyer said as I was not receiving legal assistance, this would be our preference.
The sheriff asked LCB if he agreed and he said he didn’t want to drag the dc into it further. That he didn’t talk to them about any of this stuff and that he was concerned about it. He conceded he had brought them into matters in the first place by insisting on the report.
The sheriff then asked me if I was ok with the dc’s views being sought and I said yes of course. That they had been adamant that they wanted to be heard. That they had tried to tell their dad. When he hadn’t listened, they’d asked me to tell him and I’d asked my lawyer to tell him and he had ignored all of this till the point that DD's distress was impossible to ignore.
I believe that not listening to them is emotionally damaging and ignoring their wishes is to no one’s benefit in the long term. My DS is angry that he’s not being heard and my DD is traumatised at handovers and in the days running up to it.
I said I only wanted what was best and that having to carry my DD struggling from the house and watching her being forcefully restrained for up to 30 minutes to get her in a car, was never going to be beneficial.
I had people who witnessed at least 2 of these incidents who approached me afterwards to ask if DD and I were ok.
I said I wanted the dc to see their dad but that what we are arguing about is essentially and hour or so on a Sunday evening and the same on a Monday morning most of which is in a car driving to school which is a couple of hundred yards from their door at home.

So the sheriff ordered the child welfare officer to be instructed and we go back in 3 weeks.
No change to the order for now. I can only hope that’s be abuse it’s the holidays and things have settled down a bit, and not because he thinks he won’t change it at all.

I’m sure I’ve forgotten lots but I feel good I got a chance to speak. I wish I’d had a chance to prepare something though. He did. [message edited by MNHQ to remove an identifying name]

Think you may have left your DD name in xxx

You've named your dd there, onit.

You might want to remove your DD's name Onit.

Onit, reported so that your daughter's name can be edited out. I hope you get the result you want in three weeks time xx

My lawyer and I had already* discussed that.

• I can only hope that’s because of the holidays. I really should proof read.

Oh god . Of course I do that when I write and run. I don’t need to make this any more identifying.
Thanks to those who spotted my mistake.
Thanks MNHQ for removing DD’s name.

Oh Onit, sorry it's not resolved. I do hope you get a good welfare officer who will accurately reflect the children's views, and that the Sherrif listens. It must be frustrating having to wait longer but it is good the children will get their say.

Jesus Christ I hate him. All this for two hours over a Sunday/Monday when he will be in the car anyway (and thus more inconvenience for the kids)

He cried! Again! Can he really not see that this is the life he chose? What the fuck he is crying for??

Will you get to speak again next time? Can you explain why you prefer to communicate via email to them? Do a bit of sodding crying yourself.... you are being amazing onit...really.

Let's hope the welfare officer has half a brain 🤷🏽‍♀️

He blatantly lied. remember you had witnesses...
could you get them to put it in writing ? & send it to the sherriff ?

Im not sure if I’ll get to speak again. My lawyer never said it would be a possibility this time or I’d have prepared something.
I’ll prepare something for next time just in case.
I haven’t said why I want to keep communication to email. Not even to LCB.
I don’t want him knowing his words affect me. If I explain in court, I give a lot of myself away to him and I won’t give him the satisfaction.
It’s odd in the situation I haven’t ever got upset, just very shaky. When his voice is cracking and he’s holding back sobs it just angers me.
I would love to tell the sheriff what an abusive cunt he is but it would not be in my dc’s interests. I have no proof he did anything to me. And my lawyer has said, the social work have said that, unless I have specific concerns and proof he will do actual harm to the children, what he did to me is irrelevant. It isn’t about my welfare anymore than it’s about his demands.
I honestly believe if I said anything it would weaken my argument and make it seem to the sheriff like he’s correct in thinking I’m doing this to punish him for how he treated me. To him that’s only his affair. He thinks I’m bitter because he left me.
I’m not bitter. I just don’t want him in my life.
But I have to so I want that to be as removed as possible. Email is my barrier. He tried to tell the court he wants us to communicate face to face because it’s better for the dc to see us getting along. He’s worried about the effect my refusal to talk to him is having in their long term wellbeing.
I want to say that is bullshit. I don’t want my dc to think that you have to stay friendly with someone who treats you appallingly, just because it’s easier for them or the people around you, or because they’re your spouse or parent or BFF.
I want my dc to know they are allowed to walk away and stay away from bullies, cheats, liars, manipulators and abusers. And I am teaching them that.
It’s not like I’m uncivil when I do speak to him (at the odd handover or if he’s on the phone to one of the dc and they ask me something while he’s on speaker).
As I said before he wants to dictate. Not communicate.
I’m not sure if the sheriff can force me to mediation. I must ask my lawyer.

He blatantly lied and on that occasion he stayed in the car. It’s obvious to me now that that was to avoid any physical contact so he could say all the physical restraint was of my doing.
He’s not daft.
My friend witnessed DD’s distress and DS walking off down the street. And both DD and DS will remember that incident I’m sure.