I am Onit, hear me ROAR. Thread 5!

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

“I am not afraid of the storms for I am learning to sail my ship” Louisa May Alcott.

I was looking for something to call this thread and came across this quote.
It’s not entirely true; yet, but almost 3 years and 5 threads later, I actually almost believe I can do this.

But I still like the last thread title as it still feels fitting.
I’ll save the LMA quote for the next one.

Here’s a link to the last thread.
Hope you all find me, my amazing friends

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3211292-I-am-onit-hear-me-ROAR-occasionally

I’ve sent him a message saying the maintenance hasn’t arrived along with the agreed uniform costs. Asked if there’s an issue with the bank and left it there.

I’ll keep you updated but basically, if it isn’t forthcoming, he can explain himself in court in 4 weeks.
For the first time ever I’m hoping I get a long rant explaining his reasons for not paying as any attempt to deny his obligations will only prove he is abusive, controlling and doesn’t give a shit about the dc.
He has 5 days grace according to CMS but they are only overseeing from next months payment. At the moment, I believe he’s still bound by the MOA which doesn’t state any grace period for late payment only that maintenance will be paid in advance (so definitely no excuses for thinking he gets a month off till CMS kicks in). However, I’ll call CMS tomorrow if he hasn’t transferred it and request a change to collect and pay. According to the MOA any arrears prior to CMS assessment are recoverable and subject to interest. He is liable for all uniform costs and these were incurred before he applied to the CMS.

Not only is he abusive he’s also stupid.

I’m not sure the sheriff will be sympathetic to his cause when his financial abuse is so overt. And I have plenty of evidence of it from before now too.

It’s notable that yesterday was the first time I can remember not having palpitations or any other horrible response to something he’s said or done. I’m assuming it’s the Prozac. It’s good shit .

I’ve had a reply already.
I’m on hold to CMS.
It looks like I’m stupid. CMS calculate in arrears. He gets a month off.

CMS calculate in arrears

But you haven't switched to CMS yet. Surely maintenance should have been paid away the start of July and then if it switches to arrears when you have switched, the next payment would be the start of September. He's a fucking prick.

I really can't believe how awful he is.

It’s fine. I’ve had a cry and rant on the phone to cms guy.

I’ve taken enough out of my savings to cover the deadbeat. Just heading to the bank to deposit it.
Dd and are are going to the cinema.
I won’t let him stop us enjoying the holidays.
It’ll piss him off more if his fuckwittery has no discernible effect.

Good for you, Onit. You're fantastic.

DD asked why I was crying and I told her. She called him lazy but I think she just doesn’t have the vocabulary yet to actually describe his behaviour.

Typical, he's trying to spoil the time you have with the children during the school holidays.
I don't know about the legal aspects but morally it's wrong and I'm sure it won't look good for him when you see the judge.
Enjoy your time with the children, knowing that he'll be furious that it hasn't impacted on your plans for the summer.
Might be also be worth mentioning to his parents that he's not paid you any maintenance. So much for his family image.

CMS calculation is from 23/6. Presumably if it had been slightly earlier in the month I’d have got a part payment in July.

The guy on the phone was trying to say that it’ll work out in the end. And I asked if he expected me to tell my mortgage provider that theyd get their money for this month in July 2029 when dd is 18 and one month old.

are you still in touch with his parents and are you letting them know how shameful their son's behaviour towards their grandchildren is? I seem to recall they were good people.

Regardless of how the system operates, a Sheriff is unlikely to be very impressed at him shirking in regards of ensuring his children have their needs met, even if it's not exactly their remit, a good Sheriff will not be impressed by a parent who is not acting in the best interests of the child.

I haven’t contacted his parents since I sent a Christmas card with a note in.
I had an email thanking me but I’ve never followed up. I haven’t seen them since the day the baby was born (January 2018).

The DC see them on his time I assume? Hope you have managed to enjoy the day regardless.

He won’t upset me any more. Ever.
He emailed earlier to ask me to confirm his Thursday afternoon contact this week and the rest of the holidays. I’ve already told him in previous discussions that we will be away on one of them.
The rest are court ordered so, if he can’t figure it out, I’m not confirming shit.
The dc will be ready to be collected. If he shows, fine. If not, I won’t restrict our movements the rest of the holidays.
I am done being reasonable.

Good for you!

GO FOR GOLD. Onit, this is your freedom

Good for you Onit. Just keep living your life and being the great person and Mum you are.

Just dropping by to say hello

Hello

Spoke to my solicitor yesterday. Court is in less than 2 weeks.
I was catching him up on the latest developments.
I haven’t heard from LCB since the first week of July.

Feel like I’ve had a major breakthrough at counselling with regard to how he makes me feel.
I think the final nail in the coffin was him not paying this months maintenance.
I never thought he’d ever not do that.
I freaked out when I was speaking to the CMS but after sobbing for 10/15 minutes I took some money from my wee stash, and took DD to the bank with me to deposit it and cover his shortfall enough to pay the mortgage.
It had no effect on our finances really (I will take a few months to replace it but that’s what an emergency fund is for).

I had to read through the last few months of emails to pass the relevant ones to my solicitor and I did feel rather shitty in the process (the bf was here and said I was snappy. I explained what I was doing and he understood).
My solicitor has said in the past and again yesterday that the court will not necessarily listen to any reports of his abusive behaviour towards me as this is a child welfare hearing and there’s no evidence he’s abusive to the dc.
I have an appointment to speak to my solicitor again next week when he will have read the last couple of months correspondence and figured out the relevant info to take to the sheriff.
He was fairly non committal saying we didn’t have a smoking gun to show the sheriff but there’s enough to cast doubt and hopefully that will swing it.
I really hope that’s true.

Good to get an update Onit. I think of you often. You sound calm and that may be a reflection on your new attitude since the failed maintenance payment. I hope you manage to keep that attitude with LCB firmly filed away and not allowed back out!

Fingers crossed for you onit.
Him not paying the Maintenance will not play out well for him in court I don't think-that's he act of someone who is losing his shit. Good.

You sound better onit xx I think of you often and wonder how you are doing so glad for the update x
I was in Scotland last week-bloody love it there x

I was thinking of you at 6 this morning onit and read your first thread. It was heartbreaking to see how sure you were he wouldn't leave you or at least the children financially short. He didn't deserve your faith.

Hope it goes well for you x

F'ing well done Onit. All this shit would have sent you into spin before.
LCB is an unspeakable piece of shit.
Just where does he think you find the money to support DC. He knows your income. I hope the sheriff sees him fir the filth he is.

Time to face him.
At court now.