I am Onit, hear me ROAR. Thread 5!

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

“I am not afraid of the storms for I am learning to sail my ship” Louisa May Alcott.

I was looking for something to call this thread and came across this quote.
It’s not entirely true; yet, but almost 3 years and 5 threads later, I actually almost believe I can do this.

But I still like the last thread title as it still feels fitting.
I’ll save the LMA quote for the next one.

Here’s a link to the last thread.
Hope you all find me, my amazing friends

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3211292-I-am-onit-hear-me-ROAR-occasionally

Just Checking in to see how you are onit x hope the Christmas stuff got worked out.

Happy Christmas Onit !

Happy new year to you and the DC's Onit! I hope you had a lovely Christmas and are ready to see what the next decade brings for you. I still think about you often but can't describe how glad I am that you don't need these threads as much anymore, you have come so far from that first thread .

Thinking about you @onitlikeacarbonnet. hope you've had a lovely Christmas.

Happy new year everyone.
Things still difficult with LCB and I’ve not had the dc at home for much of the holidays. Just the way my shifts fell and no term time honoured in December (the joy of retail).
As far as LCB is concerned, his antics still confuse and upset me. But I’m doing my best to ignore it. It’s not easy though.
I find it difficult to navigate the dc (mostly DS) through it because I don’t understand him or his actions most of the time and struggle to translate for the dcs. Though I do my best to point out the oddness of his behaviour.
The latest example: Dd asked Santa for an iPad. A big ask but Santa got one on a 12 month interest free deal. As has been the case since Xmas1, when I was told he wouldn’t be contributing and that anything he bought would remain in his house, I didn’t discuss my planned purchases with him. He didn’t contact me either. The dc wrote their letters to Santa at home. I asked if they’d talked to their dad about them and they said they only get a couple of gifts from Santa there but nothing “big”. Apart from Xmas1, they now get all their gifts from his family at his.
On Christmas Day, dd spoke with her dad about what she’d got.
They were picked up early on Boxing Day before I started work.
I got a call from dd later that day saying she’d got another iPad. Caught off guard, I made a comment about Santa getting mixed up and she said she didn’t get anything from Santa this year, it had been from her dad.
I know he bought it less than a week before Xmas.
I know it happens but not usually with their main present and all for the sake of one message asking what Santa was bringing.

a bit confused, but did he know you were getting an iPad ? I assume not, can you return it ?

No, he didn’t ask what I was getting them. Dd says he’s going to swap it for a laptop. Which she doesn’t want. Or need. Because she’s got an iPad
He bought a laptop for ds but as he’s not allowed to bring it home it’s only going to be used 4 days a month and that’s if they’re in the house. Which invariably they are not. So 2 laptops which won’t be used. Ds already moans that they’re always going places and he just wants to chill. He’s not outdoorsy at all. Much more of a nerdy homebody.
It’s so frustrating because dd has a residential after easter which he’s not contributing to.
Ah, fuck it. He’s a dick. And an idiot if he thinks he’s doing anything to hurt me. He’s hurting ds and dd but they’ll disengage soon enough and he’ll be left with nothing.
Ds was working out that next Christmas he’d be 11 and that would be the last time he’d have to go to his dads.
The sad thing is he does want to spend time with his dad but he doesn’t want to go just for the sake of it. He says if I’m at home, why does he have to go when there’s plenty of times when I’m not and that’s enough.

Smart boy

Unfortunately LCB is too selfish to realise that your dc will not remember the expensive gifts he bought, but they will remember that he bought them 'gifts' that they were not allowed to use.

So, LCB would rather spend money on a laptop that DD doesn't need or want rather than put the money towards her residential school trip, or give her the cash so she can use it for something she does want or need. He thinks he is so clever but the truth is he cannot see the damage he is doing to his relationship with the DC. He thinks he knows everything, the truth is he knows fuck all. It is so telling how your DS has already worked out when he can say No to the visits to LCB, that speaks volumes.

How are things Onit?

Hope the weather isn't too bad up near you Onit

Onit, how are you ? How are things with dc & bf ?

Another person thinking of you, @onitlikeacarbonnet.

How are things @onitlikeacarbonnet?

Hi sunshine
Things are ok. Not much to report.
Having a paranoid moment about the dc going to their dads this weekend in case the c word gets worse and they are stuck there.
But life with regards to him is pretty boring.
Im sorry I’ve not been on mn much. I guess I don’t want to bore anyone with my mundanities.
I hope everyone is well and has enough loo roll and soap x

Was also thinking of you. Lovely to read your update xx

I for one like to hear how you are doing and to make sure you are okay. Could you ask the twat if he's set up for keeping the children for the next month if they get it. If he says no then they don't go..

But life with regards to him is pretty boring.

There are times when boring is good. This is one of those times!

So glad to hear life is 'boring' onit !

There's a reason they say "may you live in interesting times" as curse.

Long live boring!

So glad you’re ok

@onitlikeacarbonnet hope you’re all doing ok. You and your family has been in my thoughts during these worrying times. Take care.

Thinking of yourself you *@onitlikeacarbonnet and hoping the children are with you.

Thanks for the well wishes.
Right back attcha all!

What did I say about life being boring? 🙈

I’m ok. At the moment at least. Been a bit all over the place.
Dc went to their dads this morning. We’ve been isolating as much as possible the last 10 days or so since I last was at work and dc were in childcare. I’m a keyworker (food retail) but have now been furloughed. Dc haven’t seen their dad in over 2 weeks as his ds has a temp and they were isolating. He had a cold and was teething. I would’ve preferred not to send them obviously. I can’t understand why its ok for the children of split parents to be exposed when the rest of the population are being told they can be fined or even arrested for unnecessary travel or mixing with other households.
I’m not a hypocrite. If the shoe was on the other foot, I’d accept they would stay away for their own safety.
If I hadn’t been furloughed, I would’ve taken the time unpaid to continue to care for them at home.
Likewise, terrifying though the thought is, if I become unwell while they’re away (or someone there does), I wouldn’t expect them to come home on Sunday.
But I never expected him to be anything less than a selfish knobend. Frankly, I’m surprised he let on that his dd was sick.
When he called the dc to tell them he burst into tears. The phone was on speaker and I happened to be close by as we were doing a bit of schoolwork. I grabbed DS’s phone and walked away. When I spoke to him I said I hoped his ds would be ok but he should call the dc back when he’d composed himself. Funnily enough, he stopped crying pretty quickly.
I felt nothing while I was speaking to him. I wasn’t scared or panicked. If I felt anything it was pity. He’s a sorry excuse for a man and an even sorrier excuse for a father.
All other conversation has been by email and he’s been oddly amiable. It’s made me suspicious but I’m trying to push that to one side. I rather enjoy not feeling anything at all about him.

I keep thinking of the words BoJo used to describe the children of single mothers and those mothers themselves. Of how the lowest paid cleaners and shelf stackers and the millions of others on minimum wage who are generally maligned by the tories, are the ones who are still working, putting their lives, and those of their families, at risk to keep the country going.
And all this rhetoric about our wonderful nhs. When only a few weeks ago he was preparing to sell it off to Trump. The cynic in me would suggest that denying frontline staff of PPE might be a convenient way of dismantling the health service by disabling the workforce and watching it crumble without the finger of blame being pointed at him or his party. But I think my paranoia is a projection of my fear at having no choice but to put my children at risk so their father can continue to be a selfish arsehole.

I’m alone till Sunday and I’ve already started on the massive spring clean which should keep me busy till they can come home.

I hope you’re all keeping well. Stay safe everyone