Dating thread 152: onwards and upwards

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

It just makes me nervous about snogging properly next time.
And I find it creepy when guys want a peck.

Same here ItsA. He literally didn't ever touch me. He drove me home after our third date. We were in his car, in a dark street late at night. Didn't even try to kiss me or touch me. I leant across and kissed him and he didn't respond. Physical comparability is really important to me, and I just wasn't feeling it ...

@KhaleesiTargaryen I have to have a kiss on date 1 otherwise I just feel like they have no interest. I do come across a bit uninterested generally so most times I say 'are you planning on kissing me yet?'

No real irons for me. Still flirtyish with Mr Tradesman but kinda don't know whether there will be a second date. I made it clear I had fun and would be up for it as did he but he isn't actively chasing a date though hinting at a more passion filled date next time! Who knows....

Compatibility even!

@warlspeace
In what way not compatible?
Do you mean when you realise you don't fancy each other when things get intimate?+

khaleesi a whole foot taller...wow dreamy. I think you need to just climb up and snog him next time..can your 4th date be planned for a late/romantic/ snog potential.

shitwith I cannot remember did you tell Mr Rugby you wanted more? What was his response? Not heard from Mr Big today...desperately trying not to message him first. Have realised we have messaged every day for 2 months but I am usually the instigator.

wharls I think I am shagged out 😂 I would love to go on a few dates and not dtd.

@Khaleesi If he's anything like me he's probably in that zone where he wants to but isn't sure how you feel about him so might be coming across as passive and overly-respectful. I get like that with women I really really like, seem to withdraw a bit into myself and don't want to put them off but ends up doing the reverse and putting myself in the friendzone.

I can't work out if the one from Saturday is a slow burner or if she's just not that into me. I'm veering towards the latter now after thinking about it today, I figured if she was into me she would have reached out after the great time we did have on the day. I think she probably invited me out again as she probably thought we could just be friends, she didn't text me at all yesterday except when I messaged her in the evening and it wasn't particularly an enthusiastic response, when I replied to that asking if she'd had a nice meal with her mum she didn't reply. I feel like she's going to go MIA on me so as not to give me the wrong idea.

With a previous gf from PoF, we had no more than a peck on the lips by the end of third date. I explained that we really needed to progress or call it a day. She agreed to come round my house. After quite a bit of chit chat, I finally made a move and and she got quite passionate very quickly. We did not DTD that night because the painters were in (she said she would have), but we did a week later. She reckoned it would have happened in her own time but she just needed a little nudge. I am not so sure it would have done. I think one needs to see some progress and tbh I think anybody is well within their rights to make a move after three dates. I think if we were still a peck on the lips at date 4, I would have moved on.

mr drummer painters were in lol

Thanks everyone :) Its been just one week and three dates

@BatshitCrazyWoman if we'd been in a car/rpivate place then definitely Id be expecting a good snog. With you on that.

@HairyArsedMan so if he was being respectful, would me texting something about missed opportunity to kiss not put him off? What coud I say? Can I pm you?

What happens If you finally snog and it's rubbish?
Call it a day?

@richdeniro I sent him a pic the other night which Id have thought communicates that I like him and we text quite a bit... but in person the old nerves can kick in. I could suggest coming to mine for our next date?

I think if youre getting those vibes I'd go with my gut instinct. booo,

@Marlboroandmalbec34 yes, exactly!! And very fit and strong - looking

@MrDrummer is suggesting a date at my place the nudge he needs?

@richdeniro I've sent you the pic

I think a second date is a good time for a proper kiss. For me, on a first date I’m never usually sure if they fancy me or if I fancy them (I often need to think about it a bit as it’s more than just physical for me). If you have both agreed to another date then I feel you both have a certain level of attraction to each other so it’s acceptable to have a snog. I love kissing...probably more than sex (with the right person of course).

@unique1986 I mean compatible with each other in bed really, does it work for you both. IME the first time with someone new is often a bit rubbish but you know if it's something that a bit of practice will sort out, or if it's just no good.

Like making pancakes, first one is always a bit of a dud

TBF MrSales wasn't very promising at first but he was happy to be guided and we had some lovely evenings despite his dainty shoe size all about the angles

@KhaleesiTargaryen I would say a date at home would be a good move. You don't really want to spend all night in a pub or restaurant wondering if you are going to get a 5 minute snog. There are so many limiting factors to that initial snog, not least that you are freezing standing by your car, people wandering past etc.

Just reminded me of a story my ex told me about a guy she met on POF. They went out for 3 months without DTD and she was up for it, but he never made a move. She finally got him to agree for her to stay over at his place and it turns out he had made the spare bed up for her. She cut her loses at that point.

Unique How come ? I was just referring in the abstract to whatever way you choose to part with affection ... it generally involves some coming together of bodies. What's your approach ?

Khaleesi Well, I'm still on OLD so I'm not so sure I'm the greatest strategist, but I was exactly how Rich described in my first real dating scenario post split and quite unsure of myself (and so was she) so we went through the initial dates like this. All it took was a little message to ask if she felt ok when we got back to her car (the previous time we'd met) and then I admitted I'd been a div. Next time was fine but it didn't work out longer term as it was a LDR and non syncing kid free weekends and school holidays made the logistics much tougher than either of us imagined. I think it's fair to say neither of us were that secure at that point in our lives too. But you live and learn.

@WarIsPeace I'm going to use that pancakes metaphor! It's brilliant and totally true for both.

Finally exchanging a few messages with someone who seems ok.
I ask him what he likes to do outside work.
He replies "That would be telling"

How to kill the conversation stone dead! I expect he wants me to ask and then it will be into the sex talk.

Anyone got a witty way to answer that??

My response would be 🙄.

Honestly how irritating. It's not intriguing or funny or anything.

MyOldBrain do you want to bother? I'd say well I'm asking, if you are into taxidermy or nude night time fishing I'd rather know now

WarIsPeace I'm not sure it's worth a reply.
Just annoyed that he's the first decent looking bloke in months to contact me.
I like your reply - I might use it, but bin him anyway.

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I think you night as well see this one through. My response would be"yes, it would be telling... That's why I am asking!"

Painters are in

I was wondering why you had decorators there at night until I saw the other comment 😂