Dating thread 152: onwards and upwards

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Sorry, I think my last post about getting irons/dates sounded a bit braggy which I didn't intend. I live in a large city with a massive armed forces presence as well as a huge defence contractor which means there's plenty of men within a very confined area. I also set my bar far too low 😳

@30somethingandsingle keeping things crossed for you and MrFox

I dip in and out of the Fab thing. I prefer a true (well my definition) FWB because I like having a laugh and chatting too. It's more like a non-monogamous non-committed relationship I want I suppose. So on Saturday when I had my Fab social I was out having fun and chatting, instead of at home alone or on a strained 'do I fancy him or not' Tinder/POF date. I know what's more fun!!

When it stops being fun I stop.

@BatshitCrazyWoman I wish I could do non exclusive. I struggle with it though. I've tried and I get too paranoid. And I don't really have enough child-free time. It would be a lot more sensible for my situation than whet I call a BF. Which I think is probably an exclusive FWB!

@Sunshineandflipflops that's the situation I hate which is why I now try not to swipe too much when I've got a second date. Just delay guitar man. He might fade if it's a long delay. Then if you like the other guy tell him you've met someone.

I'm so glad I've sent tinder to the cloud. Not heard from mr Unsuitable since yesterday morning and I'd be so tempted to do some revenge swiping!

Sunshine as above just delay Mr Guitar. You've said you're busy so I wouldn't worry too much!

I'm beyond frustrated with tinder & bumble. Of the few I message first, they don't reply and those that do talk about sex in message 2. I've got loads of matches but none that seem to message first. Do you all message first or just wait and then unmatch? Pof is just full of weirdos in my area 😂.

Yeah I was thinking the same thing this morning @Stealth. Maybe I should just leave it now and see if she gets in touch with me, I messaged her last night asking how her day had been and if she had a nice time with her mum but her response back wasn't very enthusiastic.

Happy to take a look @JeSuis.

I just need to get this off my chest because I can't vent anywhere else...

I messaged MrCopper the following early this morning:

"Good morning, I just wanted to say thanks for meeting me yesterday and the coffee. I think we can probably both agree that although we got on well and conversation flowed easily, there wasn't really a spark on either side, which as we both know and discussed prior to meeting is essential for anything to happen going forward. You are are really great guy and I wish you all the best x"

His response:

"I know, and I deserve more than to settle for "ok"

I thought my message to him was a nice "brush off" which saved face for him, considering this is the guy who kissed me on the lips as I got out of my car, tried to put his hand on my knee when he sat next to me and hold my hand, telling me he wasn't disapointed with what he saw. FFS, I wish I'd just said "You were a lecherous oaf, please update your profile pictures to something less than 7 years old (you have hair in your profile pics and now you resemble Phil Mitchell), goodbye"

And breathe...

@JeSuisPrest

Here's a thought: tell prospective irons that you don't sleep with anybody within the first few months of dating. See who sticks around. If that's, ummm, nobody, then maybe drop it down to a month or so. Don't be specific, though as some irons will no doubt mark it in their calendar! (You don't have to stick to it, if someone sticks around)... If you are truly the prize, then you are worth waiting for, surely?

@MrDrummer - that was kind of my plan with the irons I've got at the moment (but not months!), now I've got my FWB for that side of things. I'll see how things go with MrRunner tomorrow night - coffee straight after work - see I am getting better, not meeting them in hotel bars on a Saturday night for a first date!...

jesuis sounds like sour grapes from Mr C. No need for him to be so rude!!

MrFar and I are going to meet at the weekend I'm not sure how we will go on if we click, because it's very impractical but cross that bridge when we need to...

@ItsAMiracle2015 I also got frustrated with Bumble and Tinder, with Bumble men I might have just given a chance to, didnt respond! It felt like a lot of people were just collecting matches. When I went on my date over the weekend, he said his apprentice just collected matches for fun, no interest in actually meeting anyone. I despair.

sunshine I’d have date 2 and then decide about Mr Guitar. Sounds like a positive date.

war how far away is Mr Far?

Trust my bloody luck! Saw MrGardener last night and he tells me his cock is broken! Why me! Lol. He had a sex injury over a year ago and saw the consultant to get it fixed but he had a heart attack before the op and obviously the by-pass had to come first. He now has an appt for the end of April and hopefully surgery soon after.
I just couldn't make it up!
However, we get on so well and I'm very attracted to him that I may just have to be patient!

@JeSuisPrest that sounds like sour grapes. Ugh, the lack of respect for personal space, he gives me the shudders and he's not even my date!

@Sunshineandflipflops I would not put all my eggs in one basket. I'd arrange a date with the second guy for later on in the week.

@TooOldForThis67 😱😱
I can't begin to imagine how you might break it!

Enforced no sex rule might just work in terms of creating a relationship rather than FWB. If you can hang on. Not sure I could though. It's April today mind you...,

@TooOldForThis67 a broken cock? Literally laughed out loud at that!

Well I spent quite a bit of time swiping on Bumble at the weekend. In general its better than PoF. But I hate swiping - it's such a needle in a haystack waste of time when I'd prefer just to direct myself to a big pile of needles, which I think is well within the realms of modern day technology (and I'd happily pay for that).

Anyway moaning aside, I took the Boost trial for two weeks so I can see who wishes to match and two were lovely but one was a 3 hour drive away whilst figuratively speaking being right up my street, so I didn't match there (yet, as I would love to at least chat but is that wasting someone's time?).

TooOld - Good you can laugh about it. At this moment in time I'd give my left bollock for a sex injury

JeSuis - I agree he seems oblivious to his own behaviour but he also seems to be indulging in a bit of "I am the prize". It's probably heresy but I don't quite agree with the thread commandment "You are the prize". I think 'the relationship (or whatever you want)' is the prize and it's up to both to get there and either party going in there with an entitled position is getting off on the wrong foot.

I should add that I also understand "you are the prize" as a shorthand for not putting up with any shitty behaviour and agree with it completely in that sense.

tooold April fool?!

Oh @Notcoolmum let's hope so! If so @TooOldForThis67 got it in just in time....

Defo not an April fool! Lol.
Apparently the woman was on top and fell off. It's at a 45 degree angle! I just told MrWow and he thought it was hilarious but said it might actually be good for me, to work on the relationship rather than it being just centered around sex.
Hairy - not if you tell her that the distance is too much but you'd like to just chat. And I agree, that a relationship is the prize we are after and it takes two to make it.

In a manner of speaking....🤣

@HairyArsedMan I think the swipe/match works better for weeding out leery men. I like it as it means no one can contact me unless I've liked them. I found POF overwhelming. Although bumble is terrible in my area....