Dating thread 152: onwards and upwards

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Wow @JeSuisPrest he sounds like a teenager not a fully grown man!

JeSuis well done for being upfront with him, I’m rubbish at being honest to people’s faces so I usually just say “I will text when I get home” so I can send the “sorry I’m not interested” message 🤣

CK that's excellent

Love me too!!

Bat and Peanut
Fret ye not. I am not online and havnt been for a year !!
I planned on starting again but work has intervened so to be honest I shouldn’t be here. But i have learnt a lot in many ways in the last few weeks.
But yes, we would cross paths if I was. Being clean shaved or short stubble peanut I expect would be ‘neeeext’

JeSuisPrest lucky escape there! I wish dates wouldn't ask questions like that. It can so awkward.
I usually say text me when you get home and we can discuss it.

CKfan that sounds great for a first date

JeSuisPrest I've just read your post! What an absolute arsehole, not good that he is a copper and could be attending domestic abuse incidents (and others) with that attitude towards women

@ccgirr it probably is a pof tactic to try to stop you leaving.

Your date sounds dreadful @JeSuisPrest. Who would go for a kiss on the lips straight off on a first date? Weird. I remember watching a matthew hussey video ages ago that said to go for a kiss on the cheek/brief tough on the side as a greeting (so that you've opened the door to further contact - if that's what you want). But going in for basically a snog at the start of a date is odd.

I didn't even kiss MrSG on the lips straight away. I (rather foolishly) gave him a kiss on the cheek and he said that he'd 'like to do that too', which ended in proper snogging (we might be actually a bit crap, really; the story of our first date is of awkward people figuring out how to not be awkward when they like someone). I did do the standard kiss on he cheek greeting thing at the start too though. I'm not convinced it made any difference really - it just seemed like a reasonable way to greet someone on a date.

@CKfan That sounds like a success insofar as it's made you feel better about dating in general. As I said above, the awkward kiss cheek on meeting is Matthew Hussey approved, which may or may not mean anything. 😆

I’m going on a second date with someone in a few days and on our first date we greeted each other and said goodbye with a side/cheek kiss but that was it it. I’m not all that comfortable with a full on snog on a first date!

Kiss on the lips to greet is just weird.

End of the first date contact is always different. All my fab first dates/socials have ended in full on snogs, other than the ones that turned out to be weirdos that I didn't have a connection with and didn't want to go further.
I don't have much proper dating experience other than before I was married (a lonnng time ago!) so I think that's why it was a bit awkward with Mr Fox- I didn't know if it should be a proper kiss or a kiss on the cheek! Ha.

Kiss on the lips to greet very weird.

I'm quite one for at least a bit of a kiss and probably a snog at the end of a first date, to be honest if I don't it's because I don't fancy them...

MrTall and I have a date planned for Weds, meeting him after work.

@richdeniro you were right down the road from me too, definitely a cluster of us in this area! I rather agree that asking you to go back later does suggest at least some attraction. Agree you should ask her for dinner next, that will make things clearer. Fingers crossed for you!

Thanks howling still trying to stop beating myself up about the booty call. That’s just not me. Dangerous to invite a stranger to my house and feels desperate and cold.

It’s made me reevaluate everything actually.. I thought I wanted just FWB but I don’t I want a relationship I think. Not a move in and marry but something exclusive, something real. I want to matter to someone.

I have 2 fab coffee meets this week but am gonna cancel them I think

I need to stop thinking about Mr Big. I know he loves the fab lifestyle and he has told me he is not looking for a relationship so I might cut contact there too which will be hard as I really like him.

I'm not keen on kissing on a first date. Oh apart from a cheek hello and goodbye although I'm more of a hugger which can make it all clumsy.

@leonasa half the thread seems to be in the same bit of London!

@JeSuisPrest Yuk. I'm assuming that was mr Overinvested?

I'm struggling with mr Unsuitable being away. He's gone on holiday with friends for a week and I doubt there's a lot of sitting around so I should be fine with a lack of texting. We're not great testers anyway and his English is a bit ropy and I don't speak his language. But I'm getting worried now and all the Unsuitable factors are making me think he'll come back and dump me. Aaaarrrrrghhhhhh He will dump me at some point soon I'm sure anyway. What have I got myself into?

@Howlingatthesun ok well I won't worry about swiping you and them coming on here to moan about you then and you recognising yourself... although @BatshitCrazyWoman life's a clean shaven man. Not sure you're what @richdeniro is looking for and I think @leonasa is a bit younger !

Aaargh typos.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 you sound like me at the end of the summer. I was all "oh I don't want a relationship/exclusivity I just want to explore and enjoy..." when it all went a bit follow for reasons I've mentioned earlier. I took myself off the apps for about 3 months and now I'm back looking for a boyfriend. Not to live with me but to be exclusive and care about me. And not just a shag. But it's a tricky one to get I think

peanut I think that’s what I need to do. Just take a break! I am mid divorce and thought it would all be great fun but actually last night made me feel cheap. It wasn’t him..he was nice it was defo me.

shitwith that’s it exactly! Nothing wrong with them deciding they don’t want more. See how I feel tomorrow. If he messages I might just tell him the truth! Got nothing to lose I suppose 🤷‍♀️

@Marlboroandmalbec34 yeah it is all fun. Until you do something that makes you feel a bit sleazy. Then it isn't! Tell him. You've nothing to lose.

@Peanuthedz Yep, that was MrCopper 'I've hidden my profile it feels right for me'.

Have now got a tentative date planned with MrStone but I don't know when for. I've only got 2 child free nights next week and I'm seeing MrRunner on one of them. It may have to wait until next week when I'm back from a few days away with DD. An enforced abstinence from the apps may not be a bad thing...

MrBridge is pretty dull and conversation wise is like getting blood from a stone. I think we're doing a mutual slow fade - he doesn't seem that bothered messaging me either 🤷‍♀️

Could I please ask one of the guys to have a look at my rehashed POF profile?

@richdeniro @Howlingatthesun @HairyArsedMan

Rich I agree with your friends. By all means let her know what you find attractive about her while giving her space. I've had dates that have said let's keep it to friends and then they've disappeared from my life entirely so I think you've maybe sparked an interest.

JeSuisPrest Happy to take a look but you seem to be doing splendidly off what you've got! Watch out for this scenario with Mr Runner https://dumbrunner.com/news-blog/2017/5/1/woman-immediately-regrets-asking-date-if-hes-ever-run-a-marathon][grin]

@HairyArsedMan I have no problem getting irons/dates, I just seem to have trouble finding irons with long term potential despite what they put in their profiles. I'll message you anyway. Thanks

OK JeSuisPres I was wrong, the profile hiding was definitely a red flag!

Rich dinner seems very pushy given she had said she didn't want more after the first date. Is there another sporting event (even pub drinks) with you can invite her too? Presumably with friends you'll be more casual and more yourself too.

I could do with some wisdom!
I have been on a date with someone I met on Tinder, last weekend. He was really nice, we just met for an afternoon drink to see if here was any chemistry and later he asked me to go on another date, which is tomorrow evening. He rang me last night (which is rare in my experience) and we had a lovely chat for 30 mins and we both said we are looking forward to tomorrow.

Meanwhile, before he rang I had been swiping (trying not to put all my eggs in one basket and all that) and got chatting to someone who seemed nice and a bit more local. We switched to WhatsApp and he sent me a video of him playing guitar (we are both learning) and I didn’t find him attractive in the video. He then asked if I’d like to go out for a drink this week and I’m
stuck what to do! I’m sure he might look better (and more like his photos) in the flesh but I kind of want to see how things go with the other guy and don’t think I can handle dating two people at the same time!
I’ve kind of fobbed the 2nd on eiff at the moment with letting him know as I have a busy week (which I do as my child free evening and part of weekend I am seeing other guy).

I don’t want to mess anyone around and am not as experienced in all of this as some of you!