Dating thread 152: onwards and upwards

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

It was good fun and I got on well with her friends but we weren't ever alone so it was basically just chatting in the bar. One of her mates was quite pissed so she got in a cab with her at the end, again we hugged but it was all over so quickly.

Rich,
Even if its friends, look on the bright side, maybe she has a hot mate? I know you probably have lots of friends but a new circle means new opportunities!

@richdeniro im thinking you have been partially friendzoned as she still wants to socialise rather than run away screaming. I'm inclined to see this as a new friendship group with potentials for irons...

Afternoon all. I felt sorry myself on Friday so drove to a big hill about 30 minutes away, and climbed it alone. Sounds easy but I’m shit at navigating so it’s a miracle I got to the car park.

Lovely when I got to the top but couldn’t help feeling it would be better with someone else. I’m just a company kind of person.

Then met friends for drinks and updated them on J - part 2 . One of the friends says she also knows of him- went out with her friend recently. Seriously this guy has dated half the women in my postcode. And I live in a big city.

It’s good to hear that he’s obviously a busy bloke and it helps to put me off as I know he’s a lying twat. But he did get under my skin somehow and it’s slightly freaked me out. It’s like I’ve been knocked off kilter.

I whittled Bumble down to 2 irons and both turned out to not be what they seemed. WTF?

I’m impressed with how many irons you all seem to have.i prefer Bumble but less choice. POF is awful but still drawn in. Crappy message from blokes and the ones I send don’t respond. It’s awful. How are you all achieving it?

Apart from deleting all apps - where else are you finding people to talk to?

I don't want to raise your hopes richdeniro but I was friends with stbexh and one day I just found him sexy and did for 20 years until the wanker dumped me I would carry on with other irons and as others have said it's new friendship opportunities.

After all my overthinking about whether to put a kiss on the end of my messages with Mr Enthusiastic I added an emoji to add some humour which didn't work as he replied very seriously. But later on he sent me a message with a kiss on the end.

To whoever said it's a red flag stopping the apps before you've ever met someone I don't necessarily think so. Obviously I'm still a newbie but I've almost stopped going on Match. At one point I was messaging half a dozen guys and I just don't have the time at the moment. I haven't told Mr Enthusiastic as I assume that would make him run for the hills.

Upyerbum I understand, I went to the cinema by myself on a Saturday night. I usually like my own company but I was jealous of all the couples.

Upyerbum70 I feel the same as you when I read about the dates and irons on here. I can go weeks without a sniff of interest.
But remember, people are posting for advice on dates. There are many more of us that are lurking in the background without anything interesting to report.

richdeniro I think she sees you as a friend. It may or may not develop into anything more.
I spent a bit of time yesterday with a friend I met online. We had one date a couple of years ago and he wasn't what I was looking for. But we kept in touch and meet up very occasionally.
I suspect he hopes I'll change my mind one day. But I know it won't.

So after saying that I am taking a break, I decided to hide my profiles on all of the apps and sites, but me and Mr Fox have been messaging all week (despite me cancelling our second date) and I decided to bite the bullet and give a second date a go last night.
I'm so glad I did, we had a great time with dinner and drinks, the conversation flowed nicely and we had a long kiss at the end of the evening which was MUCH better than the awkward one after the first date!
I think it shows that nerves can definitely have an impact. Looking forward to date 3

@ccgirr I deleted my profile and everything once MrSG and I agreed we were together. I was totally sure though and hadn’t so much as thought about swiping or other irons. That was after our second date I think. 😂

I wonder if wanting to hide but keep the profile as insurance is a sign that you aren’t really sure enough at this point. So maybe you need to hang on to it until you feel like you don’t need insurance.

@Howlingatthesun I'm sure I must have swiped you if you're on tinder. 😱 you're in my age and distance range and I have a bad habit of mass swiping til I get to the end of tinder...

@30somethingandsingle see I think that's what happens when you come off the apps and give one date a bit more focus. It's the whole too much choice can't decide thing otherwise.

@Peanuthedz But to message for a couple of hours, chat on the phone for 20 minutes and then send an overnight message saying you've hidden your profile "because it just feels right", before you've even met sounds a bit extreme doesn't it? Maybe it's just me that thinks it's a bit odd.

30 that's great to hear about MrFox.
I organised a date in real life last night, I'll call her MsT, meeting her on Thursday for drinks.
Will be interesting to see how thick my beer goggles were. I'm currently sat nursing a stinking hangover, so I'm assuming very thick! But I do recall a snog and her being a good kisser, so fingers crossed.

@JeSuisPrest oh yes. That's way over the top. Yes that would put me off a bit. Probably a lot actually. And I see what you mean about it being a rookie mistake. It's easy to fall fur someone before you've actually met them... but you only do it once!

@JeSuisPrest it’s not just you. Even if you’d decided to do that, you would keep it to yourself. You wouldn’t tell someone you’d hidden your profile because it just felt right. That’s way too much.

Way too much too soon JeSuis!

rich (you were totally knocking around in my manor last night!) it does sound like you've been friend zoned - but you've made new friends which is never a bad thing.

Howling I'm wondering the same as Peanut - there's a little cluster of us that live close by ...!

Well I'm meeting him at 6pm, so I'll just leave this here. Again 😂 Don't worry, we're meeting at a Costas. Will report back later...

JeSuisPrest definitely wouldn't tell the other person I've hidden my profile as it 'just feels right'; especially before even meeting. Yuk. Hopefully he's not as full on in person!

I think I'll ask her out for dinner in the week and go from there. I do like her and I'll just be honest with her. A couple of my friends have said she wouldn't have asked me to go and join her in the evening last night if she wasn't interested and might be playing it cool. She doesn't seem the type who gets into relationships quickly and I think she's been single for a while so perhaps is just someone who takes it very slow.

Normally I would just move on and not do the friend thing if that's all she wants but she is such a genuine lovely person and we do get on well that I would stay friends with her. Most of her friends seem to be married or with a long term partner so I don't think I'd be meet anyone through her but that's not the reason I'd be friends with her anyway.

She was showing me something on Instagram last night and I noticed that my name was in the recent search history bit, she didn't realise, so she has been trying to find me on social media if that's anything to go by.

One of my friends said: I think you are not in the friendzone but not in the must snog zone yet either. Somewhere in between. A work in progress. There is hope. Just let her decide. Carry on doing what you are doing but I'd try gentle flirting a bit next time to see her reaction. You may very well get the green light.

Trying not to get my hopes up or get invested is tough.

richdeniro I think that's a tough one. I would definitely keep going if you like her but, like you say, maybe dinner next time? See what she says. Seems unlikely she'll go for dinner if she just sees you as a friend and knows you like her.

Still no reply from Mr No Profile. But I did wake up to 20 matches on Bumble this morning so think I got swipe happy last night after a few glasses of wine 🤷😂. Will go through them later and see what sober me thinks...

Crustaceans- that’s the weird thing we deleted too but yet Pof emailed me. So that’s why I presumed I hadn’t done it properly but I just tried to go on now and check but says log in or password wrong which it couldn’t be as my phone saved so it must be deleted. Maybe it’s just a Pof tactic to get you back?!?

I'm home. He was nice enough but it's a no from me I'm afraid. He was a bit of a space invader - kissed me in the lips when he saw me and tried to hold my hand 🙈. Told him that wasn't what I expected on a first date so he calmed down a bit. He talked non stop, I could barely get a word in edgeways, then as we finished our coffees and he said "so where do we go from here then?". I just said I thought he was a lovely guy, but I hadn't really felt a spark/connection, so he basically got up, threw his coffee cup in the bin and said "I'll leave it up to you to get in contact then" and walked off to his car. 😂

He's ex forces, done a lot of private security in Africa and the Middle East and is now a policeman and very black and white about certain issues. It also appears that he's got more issues than Vogue regarding his ex.

I've got a date lined up with MrRunner on Tuesday straight after work so 🤷‍♀️

Oh that sounds awkward JeSuis.

Hi guys, thought I would update you on my lunchtime 'date, first one in 7 yrs!
I'll call him Mr LS. Met on POF which seems to be the busiest around my area. Plus I like how simple POF is.
I literally got there in the nick of time, the traffic was much busier than I thought.
Have zero idea about first date ettiquete so there was a very akward kiss on the cheek! We went for something to eat then had a wonder round the shops.
He was really nice and down to earth and we chatted about work, kids, family and stuff. I did fancy him more than I thought I would, and he has asked if wanted to meet again so we are going to maybe meet next weekend for drinks. I think I will feel more relaxed then. He has texted saying he enjoyed it and looking forward to next time.
So all in all its been a good first date and if nothing comes of it has made me feel less nervous to give it another go with someone else.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend

Wow je suis well done for being so brave yo be honest!