Dating thread 152: onwards and upwards

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Regarding distance I can't remember the last time I've dated a guy regularly that lives within 5 or 10 miles lol
I feel like if I ever message someone in a near by town we just won't be compatible at all.
So it's just annoy ing grr

Just back from my 1st date with MrTradesman and it was great! He had even bought me a present, wrapped up with a sweet message. We got on really well in spite of being from opposite backgrounds plus he definitely wasn't what I'd usually go for (bad teeth) but that said, we chatted loads and had a lovely long kiss at the end. It's no fairytale but certainly an enjoyable night which we might repeat. It's taught me to date outside my comfort zone and also not judge a book by its cover!

I’m glad the date went well @Eesha. It sounds like you had fun.

Well done for being so clear and assertive with MrRussian, @unique1986. I think you’re right; if you were a priority, he’d make time to see you.

It’s funny that you never date anyone within 5 or 10 miles. I think it might make a difference if you live in a city though. I do (albeit not a huge one). So I really never felt that I should need to date anyone who doesn’t live in or very near the city. MrSG actually lives in a (pretty crappy) village 25 mins drive from my house. He’d have been out of my search area if he hadn’t worked in this city. Luckily he wants to move back to the city (as soon as he can sell his house) because he doesn’t like living out there.

Years ago when I lived in a tiny village in the Home Counties I’d have taken a different approach to distance (by necessity).

Sounds like a lovely date Eesha

I live in London and still struggle to find someone I like who is relatively near. 5 miles across London (depending where they live) can be an easy journey or an absolutely awful one!

Morning All

unique - That really winds me up! Why do men date when they haven't really got the time. I've dated a couple of shift workers and it's a total waste of time. Good on you for telling it to him straight.
Eesha - That sounds promising. And a present! That's never happened to me. Maybe he's been watching 'First Dates' or 'The Undateables'. Lol.

On distance Crust , I live in a Town and also see no reason why I can't find somebody within a 5 mile radius. However, MrGardener lives in a neighbouring town which is a 30min drive. He said he was prepared to do all the travelling when I told him he was too far away and I do love an Essex cheeky boy accent!

@TooOldForThis67 TBH I bought him some sweets as an in joke and shyly handed it over and then he plonks this big box on the table! I was definitely surprised! Just a nice date making a change from those say in Bumble where might be more attractive per se but conversation was like getting blood out of a stone...

@Eesha sounds like you had a great time, really pleased for you.

@unique1986 You told him what you required from him going forward to make things work, it's up to him now to ensure he can see you more regularly. If he can't or won't do that, it's his loss. At least you know where you stand.

I know I said I was going to have a break and just keep MrPlumber as a FWB, but I had a bit of a mad swiping session yesterday and have a coffee date lined for this evening with MrCopper 😳.

Also have a few other irons MrBridge, MrStone and MrRunner, however they are all always online a lot so I suspect they too are juggling several irons. MrCopper may be a bit intense - he messaged me this morning to say he'd hidden his POF profile as he wasn't talking to anyone else. I shan't be doing the same I'm afraid. I've learned my lesson about putting all my eggs in one basket too soon and losing potential good irons for someone who turned out to be a non starter.

JeSuis - I think I'd doubt the authenticity of that. Why would anyone do/say that when you've not actually met yet? Will be interesting to see how it goes on your coffee date. I've 'put all my eggs in one basket' with MrGardener but only cos he was my last iron and I'll be taking a break if it doesn't work.

Yes MrBigCar (Fab) and I have decided to meet again after our social so we're meeting next Saturday evening. He'll be fun.

POF irons are not so great - Mr Grey is boring me to death with his 'morning, how's you' messages. MrW has his daughter this weekend but we have a tentative date im two weeks time. Two bloody weeks!! Just started talking to another copper, who Mr Copper (Fab) helpfully checked out for me!

Posted too soon - it feels impossible to find an iron who can ever meet me when I'm free ...

@TooOldForThis67 I'm going see if a friend can try and find him on POF today. I'm really not bothered whether it's hidden or not, I'm just being nosy/curious. In fact if he has hidden it, it's a bit of a red flag for me - too much, too soon - the kind of thing I would do when I was a newbie 😳😂.

I was very upfront that I was chatting to others and also had a FWB. I think that took the wind out of his sails a little, but he's still keen to meet and been messaging me today so, we'll see what happens 🤷‍♀️

On the distance thing, it would be great to have a local BF. But my iron is 1 hour away in another city. To start with he did all the travelling over to me, but he doesn’t stay over as feels awkward with the kids. He still does the majority of the travelling but I’ve been to his a few times now and it’s not too bad. I’d prefer him closer but he’s good at making an effort so it doesn’t feel insurmountable.

I’ve been off the apps a few weeks now and this weekend I told him I’d been on a couple of dates and back in touch with Mr London. He was hurt but said he didn’t judge me. Despite his issues I honestly feel he’s giving me all he can manage right now. And I like him too much to walk away. So I’m just seeing what happens. I hope I don’t end up heartbroken...

I don't think it's intense to hide your profile. I generally hide mine when I've got a couple of dates set up as otherwise I get too many matches/chats going and I don't focus on anyone. Also if I'm going to a second date with someone I try not to date/chat with anyone new. I don't see it as over investing I see it as investing. If you have too much choice how are you going to ever choose just one?

And if it goes wrong well it doesn't take that long to get another date.

Unless you're just looking for ONS/FB whenever. I multi dated/chatted/swiped and shagged last year but I was just enjoying myself. Until it got out of hand.

Re distance well I live close to Central London. So about 6k is my max. I'm not travelling all over town and a lot of people do work in Central/East London so can meet after work. Also I'm very london centric. If someone is Kent or Essex we're unlikely to get on. And that's not me being rude as I'm actually from one of those places.

Mr Unsuitable is away this week. It's hard not to swipe but I sent my tinder to the cloud which helps. We agreed we're definitely exclusive. Even if it's only short lived as we could never have any kind of future. Although it's been a month which is a record for me in OLD apart from my FB.

@eesha sounds great! Hope he didn't mention the other iron again?

@shitwithsugaron @JeSuisPrest it is so addictive, I have completely been intending to have a break for more than a week now, keep moaning about how depressing it is then I swipe, swipe, swipe away.. ☺️

MrTall aka MrPokerNight wants a second chance at a date this coming week after letting me down Friday, I think I will give him one as he does seem nice and has been extremely apologetic but my god if he flakes again....

@Eesha and that's what I love about OLD, the fact that you meet people you wouldn't normally. Even if there's no attraction meeting people from different walks of life is so interesting. It opens up life so much.

batshit same! All my irons seem to have their kids when I don’t have mine...I am going to start making it a screening question 😂

Well last night I had a few glasses of wine and booty called a guy I had been speaking to on fab. He is 10 years younger but v good looking he came round had a chat, dtd and left! He was here less than 2 hours. Scratched an itch but feel a bit crap about it this morning. Broke my own rules re social first and not inviting here for first meet. Probs won’t see him again so won’t name him!

Made it worse by telling Mr Big..why do I tell him stuff. He is sooo unbothered 🙈

peanut any news on Mr U’s move?

eesha sounds like a good date. I’ve never had a present on a date. Does this happen often?

unique mr Russian sounds awful. Def bin him off.

jesuis you sound busy!! Is he new to OLD?

Hi all, loving all the updates everyone is so busy. Those who have met someone and come off apps do you delete profile? I deleted and hid but this week Pof emailed me a few times telling me I have matches. Do I just ignore and keep it lurking just Incase things go pear shaped for future? Thinking if it’s emailed me has if emailed mr engineer too. Kind of don’t want to go on to even delete as temptation to look would be there 👀

@Notcoolmum who knows re mr Unsuitable. I think he will leave at some point. But hopefully not for a while. It wouldn't be a bad thing as we have no future and at least if he left it would be sad but romantic. Rather than me just getting my heart broken. I'm totally smitten. I'm enjoying it as not felt like this in 15 years or so. I didn't know I still could.

@leonasa we did touch on the online dating thing generally and I think the iron he mentioned was just one of a few he had briefly chatted to rather than him doing the comparing. He basically isn't a player and TBH there are more suitable people out there for us both....It's definitely not a happy ever after but was a very good night and we think we will do it again.

@Notcoolmum my ex brought me chocolates and flowers on our first online date! And this one brought me a very expensive Easter egg! I think they say they are old school and think you should bring a present to a date! I'll happily scoff it down though....

Distance - i live in London, just south of the River and its probably quicker to drive 25 odd miles to Guilford than it is to get to north London10 miles away - may as well be a different country!

Not much happening here really. Have the kids for the week. Nice to hear that people having good times. I wouldn’t worry about the booty call malbec, lets facd it men do it all the time!

Funnily enough i was talking to my son about a girl he likes in school. He was like, nah dad, she’s a player. Made me chuckle!

I live in a small city. You would think it should be reasonably easy to find dates but I struggle to even find anyone to chat to.

I average about one message every 2 or 3 days on POF. And 99% are from men over 50 miles away. I try and send a couple of messages a week but I can't remember the last time someone replied. I'm getting lots of views but that's all.

Tinder is broken. It crashes my phone every time I try and open it. They are investigating but I don't hold out much hope.

Bumble seems to be very quiet round here. OKC is even worse.

The football sort of second date went pretty well although still not sure if she fancies me. She didn't stop smiling or taking pictures the whole day and really enjoyed herself. She even went into Croydon before the game to buy a Palace shirt and kept calling me beforehand to tell me how excited she was.

After the game we walked up to Crystal Palace which is a good half hour walk and then went for a drink there, she had to meet a couple of mates for dinner at 7 and I had to go to an engagement drinks in Herne Hill so we said our goodbyes, I was going to go to kiss her but all I could manage was a hug and cheek kiss. She then texted me at 10ish and asked if I wanted to join her and her friends as they were still out in Crystal Palace so I Uber'd back there and we stayed out until 2am.

So still unclear if I'm in the friendzone.

@richdeniro What was it like when you joined her and her friends later on? Plus how was the goodbye at 2am? I have a feeling you must be friendzoned because I feel something would have happened at that point, especially with some alcohol thrown in.