Dating thread 152: onwards and upwards

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

love Mr Army sounds like a very troubled individual. Are you going to explain your position before wishing him farewell? I think just ghosting him would be unkind, but then I’m a bit of a softy

@Lovemusic33 massive red flag from Mr Army. I'd stay well clear of someone like that

Cassettes I did reply to his original message, I told him that I have a busy life, told him my kids come first and that I’m tired on a Friday evening. He then appolagised but I haven’t responded as he didn’t say he wanted to continue anyway. I don’t feel I have to explain myself anymore than I have. I have dated a few army guys in the past, one had anger issues and another had issues due to PTSD, the only one I really got on with was possibly married and kept vanishing. Maybe I should just stay away from men in the forces, trouble is I am in a area surrounded by army and navy bases so a lot of people on POF are army or ex army.

Fair enough, love, it’s not your job to ‘fix’ him after all and he sounds like a massive red flag to all and sundry. Your experiences with forces types echo mine, I think there are a lot of mental health issues in that population, it makes me sad that many of my DC’s friends have joined up ☹️

@BatshitCrazyWoman Could have been because you had different stated intentions on POF vs OkC and Fab ? In his case did you change your mind ? I'm in the position of being rejected already so I'll make a negative non-vengeful-but-acknowledging-current-reality swipe while secretly hoping a change of mind has occurred before eventually giving in and paying for the Gold edition and receiving a dose of dating karma, discovering the women that I've done the same thing too and holy fuck this whole thing sucks doesn't it ?

So I took your advice and finished with the guy I was seeing. Felt completely bereft but I'm feeling better today. Talking to a few men on OLD so we will see. Takes me ages to like someone though.

Echoing others' experiences of ex forces guys 😬 Often very intense and ever so slightly messed up.

So. I've had 4 dates with Mr Smiley. First 3 were fantastic. Had the exclusive chat. I've hidden my profile and deleted the app (but not deleted my profile yet). I told Mr Slightlytooshortbut lovely that there wouldn't be a third date and his reply was really lovely. To the point I slightly regretted sending him the message 😫 The day after I had date 4 with Mr Smiley and there are a few niggles. I'm not sure whether I'm looking for niggles because the whole exclusive thing "too soon?" has scared me a bit. Or whether they are genuine niggles that mean he's not the one for me 😫 He's a bit quieter and seems less keen as well so maybe he's feeling similar 🤷‍♀️ Hate this initial bit!

@tillyscoutsmum what are the niggles? Depends what they are really. I think it's normal to get slight cold feet after exclusive chat especially early on. You're closing other doors before knowing much about the person

love I think you had a lucky escape from Mr Army.

shitwith yes it’s really confusing. We message back and forth every day about everything BUT we are both on fab and we take the mick out of each other on there when we see the other is online AND he tells me about his other dates and I tell him about mine!!! No idea what’s going on. Maybe this is FWB!! It wouldn’t work as a LTR but I don’t seem to be very interested in my other irons whilst he is about - except to tell him funny date stories and keep him on his toes! 🙈

@eesha it was a bit of a shitty thing to say but I also don't think you can entirely blame him if you've been talking about other irons so much. He may have been trying to make you jealous? I would still go though I totally understand how you feel. But try and stop talking to potential irons about other irons! :)

@Lovemusic33 eesh sounds like a lucky escape there

Good luck to everyone with dates tonight! I am going out with my girls and taking a bit of a break from it all, we'll see if Mr Tall gets back in touch after his "poker night" but I'm not chasing him...off on holiday in a week anyway so focusing on that!🙂🙂

@supercali77 He's trying to tread that fine line between confidence and arrogance and sometimes failing. At first, I just assumed he was out to impress so I tried to ignore my inner cringe when he said something slightly OTT about himself. But he keeps doing it and it's giving me the ick slightly 😬 The sex was also a little underwhelming. But again put that down to it being new etc. I don't know 😬 It's definitely worth seeing how it goes. Just the usual OLD sweet shop mentality of wondering whether I may be potentially miss out on someone better 😬

ItsAMiracle sorry, feel free to ignore any suggestions from me!
Particularly as I've just been told to F Off on POF after stupidly pointing out the irony in a profile stating "what you see is what you get" underneath a picture that looks like it's been filtered at leat 20x, presenting a woman of 46 with a smoothness of skin rarely seen on anybody over the age of 5.
I think yesterday's date may have brought out my cynical side.
On a brighter note, dinner date arranged with MissOz for Monday night :) And a couple more conversations started this morning with woman with normal complexions. Bloody filters!!!

Well I have my first date in nearly 7yrs tomorrow .
Been chatting on POF and
meeting for a coffee at lunchtime.
I have totally forgot how to date, there has been no one since I split up with my youngest's dad which was a horrendous relationship. I'm so bloody nervous!

Hairy on POF and OKC I'm looking for a relationship - he said I was too far away on POF but was all 'hey babe' on OKC!

shitwith I've spent the morning (in between supermarket and othet chores) texting a FWB. He asks after dates, looked through MrW and MrGrey's profiles on Wednesday when he (FWB) and I were together. He's a friend that I just happen tp have sex with!

Good luck CKfan. I had my first date in a long time recently and luckily for me he was a really lovely, charming man and had loads to talk about sadly I just didn't fancy him so I'll be keeping my fingers crossed you have a similar experience.

I hope it goes well, don't forget to report back in your toilet break!

CK the advice I've read on her for 1st dates has been great, just treat it as meeting a potential new friend not a boyfriend. You're just meeting to see how you get on, everybody says the real 1st date is the 2nd one.
If you can chat to people normally then you'll be fine doing this.
I've had 2 this week after a 23 year relationship so was very out of practice, and although I had mixed results, both were easy and good company.
Remember you're both in the same position

CKfan good luck with your date tomorrow. Coffee at lunchtime sounds like the perfect first date to me. No point in over-investing as he may be awful, but if he is lovely then you can maybe go for something to eat as well.

Love that army guy sounds awful. Mr Outdoors and I chatted on the phone for over an hour yesterday and we really got on well. He is in the army reserves so I am hoping that he has the fitness but not the issues that a regular military guy would have! We are meeting on Tuesday evening and I am trying really hard not to get over-excited about it as I have got to this stage before and the date has been a total disaster due to complete lack of chemistry - similar to Ant330 and Mrs Bathlegs. Mr Outdoors does have lots of photos on his profile and he does look very fit. He has a nice voice too, so I am hoping that all goes well on Tuesday.

Lily I’m sure he won’t come with the issues most army men seem to have, this guy has been in the army for 30+ years and it’s obviously a life style for him. He is online in POF so must be looking for someone else who can put up with his weird behaviour 🤣

POF seems to have gone a bit dead, since rejoining just over a week ago when I was getting loads of messages it’s now gone quite other than the odd “hi sexy” from some overweight man who lives 500 miles away.

@CKfan Good luck for your date. I remember being utterly petrified for my first date in 20+ years when I first started OLD. Like everyone else says, try to frame it as meeting a potential new friend rather than anything else. Coffee is good 😊

Good luck CKfan - I agree with the others, don't think of it as a date. I still get a few nerves just before I meet someone new - it's normal!

Ant330 I can understand why you said that but it seems a bit mean! As already mentioned I look terrible in photos. In real life I have ok skin, very few wrinkles, rarely wear makeup (just lipstick) but in photos I look awful. So for my profile photo I was caked in foundation and blusher and it looked less bad than if I wasn't. I would be gutted if I got a comment like that. She's probably - like me - seen fifty profiles from guys the same age who want someone younger or thin and is already feeling old and ugly.

Maybe I'm projecting.

Have a date this evening with a potential FWB but could go a lot further. What's the score with shagging on a first date? At the end of the day that's what we both want

Stealth I didn't say it like I described it on here, I'm not that mean ;) I just pointed out there was some irony to a filtered picture and her description of herself and it would be nice to see a more natural looking image if she liked my profile. She clearly didn't lol.

I'm completely with @Ant330 on this. If someone isn't being honest about their appearance (whether through the use of filters, angles or old photos) it would make me wonder what else they're not being completely truthful about!

Sorry ant330 I know from your other posts you're not mean, I think it's something I feel a bit sensitive about and I was projecting.