Dating thread 152: onwards and upwards

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

eesha I would still go

New fab Iron for me..Mr Irish. Not met yet but spoke on phone. That accent 😍 hoping to meet for coffee next week

Suppose to have a coffee date this aft with Mr Dom we set is up a week ago but haven’t messaged since. The complete lack of messages has made me lose interest. Do I message to tell him it’s off or assume by lack of messages he knows?

Still in constant contact with Mr Big..I am far too invested in him. How often should you be in contact with a FWB?

@MrDrummer it was a bit of a weird defence mechanism which I've realised I do a bit. I try and friendzone anyone to protect myself. So whenever I chat to anyone, I always start giving tips on them meeting people etc. And i did the same here, and he showed me a list of those who viewed him and we critiqued them! I've learnt my lesson to keep my mouth shut as I should have known obviously everyone has other irons (apart from me) and he was honest too, he said he didn't think I minded as I was 'actively trying to set him up'. He still was chasing the date today as we had both been looking forward to it and i managed to salvage some dignity in our chat so we are still meeting up but in my head I'm seeing it as just a chance to meet someone I've been chatting to rather than a big date.

Eesha I understand the self-sabotage - but I think him telling you she is 'pretty and more local' is like setting you up in competition with her, which would piss me off. I'd still go on the date but wouldn't over invest as he's being a bit of a twat.

It'sA has he replied?? I sent a similar message to a match on Tinder - he replied 'ok' and then I never heard from him again!

POF iron status:

MrW - lovely and funny. Has a 6 year old - have been trying to arrange a date but whenever I'm free he has his child. Don't think this is going to work - it's the reason I normally go for men at a similar stage in life as me (adult DC)

MrGrey - started well but doesn't know the difference between your and you're, or there, their and they're which is now bugging me

Batshit nope no reply yet but his distance on tinder hasn't changed. Not that I'm over investing over someone I've never actually spoke to. I mean that would be crazy wouldn't it. Someone spelt actually as 'attchuly' on a profile. I'm trying hard not to judge on spelling but I feel your annoyance 😂.

@eesha I would defo stop doing that if you can! If someone I was chatting to OLD was giving me tips etc id assume they weren't interested in me romantically at all!. I'm assuming you're worried about the possibility of rejection? Or coming across too keen?

The only thing I could ever do to not over invest was to talk to as many people as possible. Set up as many dates as I could etc.

ItsAMiracle I get the convo is naff, but perplexed by the final line. Is this some messaging code I've missed out on ?

Eesha How was the rest of the date ? I wouldn't talk about the current dating situation but sometimes dating experiences come up as it's something you inevitably have in common.

I'm now Bumblin' (free). There are some familiar faces on there. How do people deal with matching or not with rejectors from other platforms ? I have this urge to be consistent just in case they change their mind, but recognise they might find that boneheaded and irritating.

HairyArsedMan no idea. Think he was just being a knob. I still swipe right on Bumble to people that clearly swiped left on Tinder to me. Things could change 🤷. I mean they'll just swipe left again if not interested.

@supercali77 I think maybe worried about rejection or getting hurt but I'm usually very guarded anyway and very guilty of over thinking at times. I'm going to actively try not to do it as just gets me into pickles like this....

@HairyArsedMan Date is tonight, we only touched on this last night as I saw he was online and decided to open that can of worms! I don't think he was trying to antagonise but the words 'really pretty' and 'local' did make me think I was going to up my game tonight more than usual.

@Eesha Well he's messed up a bit there. I would suggest he is the one who should be bringing his best game !

Why do so many men try and turn the conversation so sexual, so quickly! I'm not talking about a bit of flirting either it's very full on. I went on tinder for the first time last night and chatted to a really nice guy. I find it hard to remember what I've said when I'm talking to a few though.

@Eesha I do think it's completely unnecessary for him to tell you she's really pretty and local. I mean what's the point in saying that? He could just say, yeah I am talking to someone else as well. Has he met her yet do you know? Still go on your date tonight though.

@mumhasanicebum I have absolutely no idea what they hope to achieve either. It's the biggest turn off!
I used to let them know what a bore/ disappointment to women in general they were and move on to the next

Well Mr Army showed his true colours last night (early this morning). Last night I was working until 10pm, told him that I wouldn’t be able to text. Friday evenings I usually work and then spend a hour with dd watching something on tv. So he messages me at 11pm with a bit of a odd message, I replied saying I was spending some time with dd and that I was tired after work, exchanged a few messages and he sent me a video message, in the video he said that he had stayed in waiting for me to call after work 😐, exchanged a couple more messages and told him I was going to bed. 3am he sends a long message saying that he feels he’s doing all the chasing and feels I’m not that interested as I did not make time for him last night, told me he was going o move on and wished me well. I mean WTF? I am a full time mum who works, I’m usually in bed by 10.30pm but fridays I spend time with dd. What makes him think I should drop everything to spend time talking to him? He also got shitty about me not talking on the phone to him. He has since sent another message appolagising and saying he was wrong and it’s his problem not mine. I have ignored. Huge red flag, total control freak?

@ItsAMiracle2015 exactly, I think he just fell into that excited puppy zone telling me, which was a tad annoying. I'm not sure if they met already.....

MrArmy sounds hard work @Lovemusic33.

I hope tonight’s dates go well for all who have them set up.

Mr Army sounds like a twat ...

Hairy I had a situation where I'd messaged someone first on POF and he said he thought we weren't suited. He then messaged me a lot on OKC even though I had the same profile and pics so it was obvious it was me. He then messaged me a lot on Fab. I found it odd that he rejected me on one platform and pursued me on two others! In general I wouldn't instigate anything with someone on a different site if it hadn't worked on the first.

There are quite a few men on Tinder/POF and also on Fab, I've noticed ...

@Lovemusic33 I think MrArmy sounds on a different wavelength to you. This is what I alluded to earlier about army people, a bit intense, can be very controlled and controlling. Do you really want that in your life with all else you have going on?

Yes @Lovemusic33 - I'd say deffo total control freak. And I'd guess that further down the line would be jealously, paranoia and all those other things you don't need.

Yes, total control freak. He’s already expressed concern that I am too young and pretty for him so I can imagine he would get jealous and paranoid. I think I shall go back to looking through POF later in hope to find someone more normal. I might meet up with Mr Normal this week, he might not be as boring in real life (maybe he’s just not great at texting?), he sent me a photo yesterday after he has his hair cut and he looks ok.

@Eesha it's hard to know how the conversation turned to him saying the other girl is 'pretty' and 'local' but it does sound like a shitty thing to say. Just consider it from your perspective. If you had two irons and one was better looking and more local you still wouldn't necessarily pick him if he wan't right for you. Go on the date as he's keen and try to enjoy it (I know easier said than done.) YOU ARE THE PRIZE.

Love I think you had a lucky escape with Mr Army.
Hopefully Mr Normal will be better in person

Eesha that would put me. Not sure I'd want to go on a date with someone who compared me to someone else.

Yesterday's crazy was my one and only sliver of interest on POF. At least he provided a bit of entertainment.
The only interest I'm getting now is the usual couch potatoes sending Hi sexy messages.