Dating thread 152: onwards and upwards

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

user pm received, and initial response sent!

Yes I have just said I would rather know before meeting up again to avoid stress.
Also said mind games are childish.

Opinions please.
Chatting to someone on POF who asked when I was free for coffee.
I said Sunday, in a large nearby town with plenty of parking and coffee shops.

I went on to explain that I was doing something there first thing in the morning, so we could meet when that was finished and I'd confirm the time later today.

Is that a reasonable thing to do for a first date?
I ask because I got a barrage of angry abuse in reply. The gist of his argument was that I was fitting him in around other stuff that I was already doing. Rather than making time to meet him.

He went on that I wouldn't like it if he's said he only had an hour to meet me on a particular day at a particular time.

Surely you fit first dates in around the rest of your life? That wasn't the only time I could meet him. It was just a suggestion and I never said I only had an hour.
Obviously he's an idiot for reacting like that but I'm at a loss to know what I should've said instead.

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking

Red flag. Bin. Move on. Nothing good can come of this.

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking sounds like a crazy bloke, maybe he thought you were sitting home waiting for a date! Lucky escape me thinks. Most people would expect others to have a life

Oh wow this has been interesting. I put kisses on the end of most messages EXCEPT to Mr Big (FWB) I stopped because he never puts kisses back. I assumed he just s bit of a cold fish but maybe he just doesn’t do kisses on messages?

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking

Didn't actually answer your question. You did nothing wrong and if he believed you were the prize he wouldn't have gone off on one. When I was less emotionally evolved before counselling and self-help, I can see where I might have felt the same as the guy and honestly, at the time, I was too unstable within relationships to be in one. I am guessing he will be too, but much worse than I was. You did nothing wrong and he needs counselling.

Good to hear that it's not me being unreasonable here. He could've just said 'that doesn't work for me'.

I suspect that I would've got the same response had I just said "how about here on Sunday after 11am".

Instead this is what he actually wrote:
"To be honest, it sounds like you are simply trying to 'fit' me into 'your' schedule on Sunday between doing 'your' more important things. Well, I'm too important for that and I don't want, and refuse, to be slotted in like a leaf in your wind or a back-seat passenger in your life. I have a life too. Sounds like you're a selfish self-centred cu#t and I want fu∞k all to do with people like you."

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking he's a nutter!

A colleague (who I've met briefly, once), has just told me he moonlights doing "online erotic hypnosis" - anyone know what this is and why?

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking

I think you would have been buried under his patio this time next week. (literal) Bullet dodged!

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking Wow, what a loon

I put kisses on my messages. I also get lots of dick pics. I wonder if there's a connection 😱.

Had a couple of lovely messages from MrPlumber today, I think we're both on the same page regarding a FWB arrangement. He's a complete softy wrapped up in a 6ft2 hairy bearded body 😛. This is really good news for me as I know if I've got a guaranteed 'sleepover' planned it will stop me looking for randoms on the apps until I'm ready to enter into a relationship proper. Note to self: DO NOT GET THE FEELS FOR MRPLUMBER

Definitely not someone you want to meet @MyOldBrainStoppedWorking.

Of course, you’d be fitting a first date into your existing life. That is both reasonable and obvious. He’d be fitting it into his existing life too.

He’s a scary, weirdo.

I'll not be around for a week or so, so good luck to all those with irons / dates / fab meets / whatever!

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I had to delurk after several threads and 11 months on OLD. Sounds like the charmer I chatted to on POF last year. I messaged him back, explained I was off to play tennis. I got on with my day, I went out to dinner with friends that evening. Next day (24 hours later) I messaged to apologise (why???!!) and carried on our conversation only to receive (paraphrased slightly):

I can clean my house, I go out to work, I can find time for my hobbies and my friends. All this talk about female multitasking is just that, isn't it? A myth...

And then, reader, he blocked me...

A lot of men seem to be very bitter. Like they think women have it easier with regards to dating. I wonder if we do

Bitter (lots of PA comments on profiles), barely bother messaging when a conversation has got going, set up dates but no follow through or intention to meet. Is it an ego boost, or are there some very damaged people out there? The men posting here seem pretty normal and clued up I must admit!

I come across quite a few bitter men and the entitled ones who think they deserve a date.

Mr unemployed is a bit like this, he wants me to see him on Monday or Tuesday, it’s looking like I have Tuesday off work but why should I drive all the way to his when I have other irons that ware willing to drive to me or at least meet half way. He is offering to pay for my fuel but that just feels wrong. I think I will just have to tell him that it won’t work, he seems like a nice guy but until he gets a car and a job it’s not worth even meeting.

I’m off out to a gig tomorrow with a friend, really looking forward to going out properly (not on a date), it’s meant I have no dating time this weekend but people will just have to wait 🤣

Mr unemployed isn't a keeper love,best to get rid ,Just be kind! At least he offered to pay for petrol but even going to his on a first date unless you need the itch scratching isn't great.
I love the idea of the six week wait,that would be perfect for me ( probably not great for the man haha)

Hi everybody been a bit quiet as had a family bereavement. @MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I can't believe the message you got!!! I've got 3rd date with Mr Local tonight he's coming to mine for dinner. I was so hoping to hold out for another couple of dates before DTD but I'm doubtful he's older and I guess part of me wants to check it all works before getting too involved.

Well whoever it was that told me not to overinvest in MsBathLegs and to set up other dates you can now tell me "I told you so"
She knows how to take a good photo ;)
However I had a nice lunch, pleasant company, and she squeezed my bum when I gave her a goodbye peck. Although it did feel like having your bum squeezed by an overly tactile auntie
Glad I've already had a good date otherwise I'd be feeling rather downhearted tonight and feeling like I've gone very wrong somewhere.

Oh no @Ant330 I've been following you going to meet her. It's so depressing when you build it up. Sorry she was not what you expected. Next!!

@Crustaceons I know that's annoying for you but it's really made me laugh. I don't need any extra tips as unfortunately I seem to annoy stbexh just by existing

I described myself as slim on Match. I am size 8 / 10 but have big boobs but I thought if I described myself as 'curvy' people would assume I'm overweight.

Myoldbrainstoppedworking he's a rude twat. It's great you've discovered that now rather than wasted a date.

Oh @Ant330 sorry to hear that. but trying not to laugh at image of over familiar auntie squeezing your bum

Focus sorry for your loss - and I totally get the making sure it works ...! And also if you are 'good' together in that way. Waiting for longer to dtd is fine if it's great when you finally do, and awful if it isn't.

MyOld bullet dodged! He'll get nowhere with that attitude, and I do exactly the same (Mr Big Car slotted in tomorrow after the supermaket run ....)

Ant she didn't look like her pictures?? Shame.

I wish POF had 'slim' as an option but it doesn't. Thin, athletic, average .... is how it goes. I'm an 8 to 10 with boobs ...

midcentury there's some erotic hypnosis stuff on Youtube ...