Dating thread 152: onwards and upwards

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I think x's in messages would mean something, if you didn't use them then switched to using them, after the first date. A plutonic female friend of mine described x's as "fullstops of the internet." For me, a fullstop is the fullstop of the internet.

stealth I meant more when you've actually loved with or married the person....in the beginning formalities are pretty normal I think? Mind, I tend to at least whack an emoji or a kiss in early doors. A male freind of mine told me to start doing it and I have to say....it sped things up a fair bit haha

Thanks for explaining supercali77 but I'm not sure formalities are so normal these days. I sold a few things on Facebook recently and the women buying would send a message with an x on the end and I have never met them before. I think it's a young thing I am such an old fart

I have just started using emojis in texts to friends - my 10 year old child tells me I text like grandma and makes me add them!

If I could go back a few weeks I'd send a few to Mr Enthusiastic but it would be weird to change now.

@StealthNinjaMum Match gives the option of omitting labelling yourself on that attribute but I kind of wanted to give an inkling somehow that standard 'romantic' gestures make me cringe.

Of course I am perfectly affectionate several years into a relationship

Joking aside, if that's your nature it is really not a deal breaker if you use heart emojis, kisses or whatever, just so long as you would be happy with the tone of messages coming in the opposite direction. Personally I prefer a cooler approach early on, what with love bombing and over investment red flags to worry about

Pissed off...why are so many men dickheads?

I've known Mr Guns for a few years, back when we were fwb a few months ago he told me he was on fab and he showed me his profile. I then joined fab after what we had ended and I have not told him I am on there.

Since we have been fwb this time (only a couple of times admittedly) we both agreed that we aren't interested in sleeping around and that we would be 'exclusive' unless either of us met someone we might want a relationship with. All fine, no dramas and he initiated that conversation.

I've just logged on to fab to have a peek and thought I would look him up- only to find he posted a status update an hour ago asking for meets this evening or tomorrow morning
He's been texting all evening arranging plans for us for Saturday when I was supposed to be going to his. If he had said he didn't want to be exclusive then that wouldn't have bothered me, but if there is one thing I despise it is liars.
He doesn't know I know yet, I'm not sure what I should message him, so if anyone has any suggestions that would be appreciated 🤬

Thanks @HairyArsedMan I think the problem is that my personality doesn't come across in my written communications. I am quite warm and can be funny in person but have been thinking for some time that my texts are quite formal and always grammatically correct. Ideally I would've met Mr Enthusiastic and not spent weeks messaging but we're both busy.

stealth a wee kiss is quite frequent these days it's true. Depends what you're comfortable with really tho.

30something ahh. I hate that too. Maube start off with what you understood about how the convo went. Then say you saw him advertising for meets and as far as you're concerned this isn't what you agreed. And if that's the case you feel misled.

Luckily Mr Army is busy tonight so there won’t be a video chat, he appolagised for trying to call me last night but said after I had sent him a photo he felt he had to hear my voice. He’s has sent me photos of himself in uniform 😋, I need to remind myself that most men in the forces are players (from past expereance) and although he’s pretty hot I must control myself.

Mr Uneployed is nagging me for a date, I have made up a few excuses.
Mr Normal is also nagging for a date.

I just sent him the screenshot and a wave emoji.
Ugh, I think I just attract players and liars.
Expect Mr Fox. He's lingering on in the background and I'm wondering if I should meet mr safe him for date 2, or just give up altogether, lol.

@30somethingandsingle

Might I suggest that you attract all kinds of men, but you are attracted to the players and liars.

I think some men pretend that they aren't chatting or dating other people at the same time so they don't hurt your feelings.
Or so they don't want to run the risk of ending things with you.
I think it's really cowardly to not admit that you've lost interest or that you're seeing other people.

@MrDrummer yes I think you are probably correct 🙈

30something great response.
But sorry to hear he's done this to you.

Following advice from various members of this thread, I've tweaked my profile and relaunched myself on POF.
So far I've had one message. It says........ "Impressive guns".
Slightly better than hey sexy, I guess

Well @30somethingsingle, way to go. I have no idea why someone would do this, particularly why they would suggest exclusivity - some kind of weird power trip I guess?

Just catching up with everything. I went on a bit of a mad sequence of dating (6 different women at one point) - just coffees etc but it was starting to get knackering. Then out of the fog, the one who I'd been seeing on-off since December emerged as who I definitely wanted to take things further with. We both - consciously - decided to wait before DTD and (despite being a man!) I can honestly say it was a fantastic decision as it was so much more natural, exciting and lovely having got to know each other for the past six weeks, and to have a clearer sense of each others' vulnerabilities, needs and filthy senses of humour.

Booked today off and spent most of it together in bed and am suffering from dopamine overload and complete lack of ability to have rational thought

First message on tinder in a while. However if you’re going to start chatting to someone at least make sure the opening message isn’t littered with typos including my name (particular peeve of mine)

He's come back with his tail between his legs, but I've told him no thanks!
If I believed in karma I'd say this is it, serves me right for playing fast and loose myself recently.

I think I'm done with the lifestyle I've had for the last 6 months plus. I don't think it's doing my emotional health any good as I don't think it's (fwb/fb/casual sex) what I want any more.
On the one hand the thought of amalgamating lives with someone fills me with dread, at the same time- what I wouldn't give to be close to someone relax in their company of an evening.

30something that last sentence is just how I feel. I’d like to be ok with fwb but I know I want more. I want to matter to someone and have someone matter to me.

Surely I’m doing something wrong!! Please help me, I’m new to this.

I have been on 4 dates with 4 men, 3 of them, we had a good time, I definitely thought we’d see each other again but it’s been obvious they haven’t wanted to eventually.

I tend to meet up quick as get bored with messaging, is this affecting it?

@Sharpandshineyteeth I think meeting sooner is the better option. Could they have misconstrued whether you enjoyed the dates ? Did you follow up to say you enjoyed your time with them ? Did they do the same ? That's usually the cue to arrange the next date.

stealth I notice kisses in messages and find it strange when they are used right at the very start of any interaction.
Both that have progressed to dates for me didn't use them at the start but introduced them at the point where it was clear we were starting to get on, so it was a noticeable change in dynamic. Then a kiss emoji is another step in the right direction etc. Or I'm over thinking it
Maybe I'm a bit cold or awkward but I don't reciprocate when they're used right at the start of a conversation.

30 it sounds like a big step away from dating and the apps would do you good at the moment. Doesn't seem like you're ready for a relationshop currently but may be what you ulrinately want.
How are you on your own out of interest, do you like your own company? I know some people don't.
Yes we all get lonely at times but personally I think it's important that you can happily be on your own and not always craving others company.

Sharpandshiney of the 3 that you enjoyed your dates with, did you kiss them at the end of the date?

@Ant330 I think I am going to step away from any kind of OLD dating for now.
The only thing I'm not sure is Mr Fox and whether to meet him for a second date- I didn't close it down totally and he is messaging trying to arrange a second.
I am actually very comfortable on my own and I don't have a need for company in that sense but I do have a huge sex drive hence wanting fwb's at least, but it seems that is not without its complications too!