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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

37 weeks and my boyfriend just said

771 replies

brexitisamare · 24/03/2019 00:46

He will "smash my face in".

He's playing a game online downstairs, fine. But he was screaming at it and it woke me up so I text him asking him to please keep it down.

He text me back telling me to "fuck off".

So I turned the WiFi off (it's in our bedroom). Quite childish of me now I look back but I was absolutely furious at being woken up and told to fuck off when I hadn't actually done anything wrong.

He came banging up the stairs, punched the bedroom door and said "if you ever do that again I will smash this whole house up and I'll smash your face in".

And he turned it back on, slammed the door, said something about wishing we weren't having our baby and now he's back downstairs playing whatever he's playing and I'm sat in bed shaking.

I realise my behaviour here was a bit childish but surely nothing warrants that? I don't think he will come back up or do anything providing I don't touch the internet (I'm not going to move now at all).

He's quite a calm person and I guess I've seen him angry before but nothing like this and he's never threatened me before. I cannot believe that's just happened. I don't even know why I'm posting I just don't know what to do now I'm sat here shaking and trying to calm myself down as I am heavily pregnant with this horrible mans child.

I can't leave because I don't have anywhere to go at this hour and to be honest the thought of having to go downstairs right now petrifies me.

I guess I just need a handhold here 😞

OP posts:
doodleygirl · 27/03/2019 00:14

Good luck for tomorrow

Aria999 · 27/03/2019 00:28

So glad you're ok.

howmanybiscuits · 27/03/2019 00:33

This has made my day, I'm so glad you're OK. There were a lot of MNers checking this thread for news!

Echoing what's been said above, don't put him on the birth cert. It gives him power over you and your DD.

He doesn't need to be on the birth cert to visit her. But he can make your life difficult if he is.

HelenUrth · 27/03/2019 00:36

Wishing you and baby all the best OP!

ThisIsNotMyRealName1 · 27/03/2019 00:39

Good to see your update, wishing you and baby all the best :)

Also echoing what's been said above - your last name, don't put him on the birth certificate.

Pantsomime · 27/03/2019 00:40

OP so glad you are in safe hands & doing well. Great advice re birth certificate & saying you are BF even if you don’t. Good luck, at least you can relax s bit in hospital

YemenRoadYemen · 27/03/2019 00:42

So glad to hear you are all OK - you're absolutely in the best place!

Wishing you all the best for tomorrow. Thanks

gluteustothemaximus · 27/03/2019 00:47

Lovely update OP, good luck with induction.

Just you and baby is all that matters x

howmanybiscuits · 27/03/2019 00:57

Wishing you all the best for the induction tomorrow.

Very exciting you'll get to meet your baby soon!

Are you planning on breastfeeding? If so, it may help to know that some midwives, nurses and health visitors are fantastic at supporting BFing and some are just not. They don't all get brilliant training as standard.

If you find BFing easy, brilliant! But if you find BFing tough for any reason, it might well be that the support you're getting isn't right for you. If you need support, find your nearest peer supporters and BFing counsellors by asking in the hospital or googling. (Try google "breastfeeding cafe" or "breastfeeding support" for your area).

Here's a great Facebook community of BFing mothers, they can be fantastic support - www.facebook.com/groups/ukbaps/

howmanybiscuits · 27/03/2019 00:59

For help and advice on dealing with your ex, speak to Women's Aid - www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

The website says it's to help women experiencing domestic abuse- but they don't just mean physical violence. The way he was treating you absolutely counts.

Daisypie · 27/03/2019 01:43

Phew! Great update. Well done xx

Topseyt · 27/03/2019 01:58

That's a great update. I am glad you now have your Mum onside and supporting you.

Of course twatface is being respectful if he was speaking to your mother. He knows he let his true self show and that his mask slipped. He will probably try to hoodwink you back in by being Mr. Nice and Charming. The whole charade will begin again though.

The very best of luck for your induction tomorrow. I hope it goes smoothly. Stay strong and resolute. You are doing a great job protecting yourself and your baby girl from this thug.

KismetJayn · 27/03/2019 02:20

Just don't let his newfound respect (for your mum) be mistaken for a change of heart. It's easy to be sucked back in.

So pleased your mum is there to help xxx

user1457017537 · 27/03/2019 02:39

So pleased you have the help of your mum and dad. Best wishes for thr future for you and your baby! Stay safe

differentnameforthis · 27/03/2019 03:00

For sure the stresses and strains of a new baby can and do test even the strongest relationship. - @PotteryGirl

This isn't that though, PotteryGirl! This isn't some stress at work, or an overdue household bill, or a small disagreement over names. This is a expectant FATHER threatening his heavily pregnant partner who is struggling to sleep because of his noise.

Just because you don't know any men who act this way over a game, doens't mean it doesn't happen. What is important here is supporting the op, not going on about teenagers v men!! Your comment wasn't helpful!

This is not at the talking stage. Would you sit down with a stranger who threatened to "smash your face" in? Because that is what op's partner is now, a stranger.

Coyoacan · 27/03/2019 03:01

So glad you are safe, OP. I second all the advice given here, particularly about not putting him on the birth cert. I didn't put my dd's father on her birth cert (I had my reasons) and I still encouraged her relationship with her father because at least I knew that I could stop it if he was harmful to her. He was not a good father but not harmful enough for me to stop the relationship. And unfortunately she in turn had to do the same with her dgd's father who eventually became too much of a danger and she had to cut him off.

Best wishes for tomorrow!

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser · 27/03/2019 03:01

I am so glad to hear from you, I’m so sorry you have been so unwell, thank goodness you have your lovely Mum and Dad to look after you and field off your ex’s ‘respectful (Gaslighting to make you doubt how bad it is and make your family/ friends doubt your side f the story)

The SerenDippidy speaks a lot of sense! Please heed her advice! Don’t pretend nothing happened, contact Woman’s Aid and the police. As Seren has already sad : Absolutely DO NOT put your ex on your baby girls birth certificate.The breastfeeding advice is also excellent!

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser · 27/03/2019 03:04

Sending ELV’s (Easy Labour Vibes) for you OP and praying for a safe and healthy, complication free delivery for you and your tiny baby girl.

differentnameforthis · 27/03/2019 03:35

I wouldn't expect anyone to do anything they feel my be detrimental to their safety.

Thing is, @HumptyNumptyNooNoo, the op is vulnerable and confused. At this time abused women will try most anything to reconcile this "new" person with the man she thought she was with, and to her the advice of showing him the thread might have sounded good advice.

This is why we HAVE to stop saying it. Because there will be one time when your advice is followed, and it will have dire consequences. You will have prompted the op to get herself in a worse situation, and also taken away her (possibly) only life line. Because you can bet she won't be allowed online access anymore.

differentnameforthis · 27/03/2019 04:02

Good to hear it's not PE, op.

Hope you can rest and have a smooth induction tomorrow. Flowers

MyOtherProfile · 27/03/2019 04:55

Great to hear from you Op. All the best for today.

poundoflard · 27/03/2019 05:36

How Exciting for you!!
So good to hear the update... it looks like Brexit will finally get delivered! Wink Grin

Just enjoy those first moments and don't stress or worry about him., easier said than done I know. But these are exciting times for you and try to enjoy them.

You sound like you have a lovely and supportive mum. Flowers

TheSerenDipitY · 27/03/2019 05:44

@ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser
Thanx claire, i was just parroting the advice ive seen in the many many posts about just this situation
and seeing as no one else had mentioned it, that i had seen, i thought id put the idea in her head, hopefully others with personal knowledge will be along to confirm and offer other practical things she can do to safeguard herself and baby

Raspberrytruffle · 27/03/2019 05:54

Good luck op I'm so pleased for you, stay at your mum's until you get your own place. He may beg you too come home promising you the world but it won't last and then it will be so much harder for you being trapped in that awful situation with a baby. Please think of yourself and take care, Flowers

IggyAce · 27/03/2019 06:01

Thanks for the update OP, glad to hear you are been well looked after and that you have told your mum.

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