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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need a handhold I’m in shock

301 replies

BlueRoses12 · 17/03/2019 21:57

Earlier this evening I came across a conversation my H was having with a ex coworker. He left his Facebook messenger chat page open on his iPad, I wasn’t snooping as we now share his iPad after mine gave up the ghost but I very rarely use it as it’s old and quite slow.

There wasn’t much chat to go on but the jist was she had recently left DHs place of work, she missed him dearly, was his soulmate and she was attracted to him and they had arranged to go out for drinks next weekend. I had never heard of her up until that point and was absolutely gob smacked as me and H have been getting on really well and I have absolutely no reason to think otherwise it really was a bolt out of the blue.

I phoned a very close friend as I was in absolute shock and panic on what to do and he was due home in about a hour after I found out. She came over immediately and was very much in the confront him calmly and kick his ass out immediately camp. I was very much all for staying silent and gathering more evidence as that’s the type of person I am but she said it was impossible as I was in such a state at the time, that there was no way I could act normal and not make him suspicious.

She took the children back to hers and my H came home. Calmly went out the window as soon as he came through the door I lost my shit. I took his phone and saw a few messages to and from her before he wrested it off me, the last text from him said “on my way home now will text when I can”.

He said the usual crap that they were just “really good friends” they had been working on a project together and had become really close and had loads of things in common. He said he never mentioned her as thought I may get jealous and get the wrong impression but they are “just good friends”

He said it’s all my head and I’m crazy there is nothing going on at that point I became hysterical shouting at him again. He took his car keys and phone and left he’s not even got his wallet on him.

The kids are back home and are now in bed, I’m shaking at in shock on what the hell hs just happened. I’ve not touched alcohol in over a year but I’m having a brandy as I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
boosterrooster · 04/04/2019 19:48

@karenb6702 ffs why torture you by showing you the messages? Sounds like he has a serious ego and determined to blame you. And using the little argument was just his excuse to get out...I also had this but it was a silly text I'd had sent asking if he was drunk as he'd sounded odd when I rang one night. Pathetic!!

Wish I had some decent advice on getting past this shite stage...I didn't eat much for 3 weeks (lost over 1 stone which needed to go anyway so silver linings n all that!) I chain smoked, drank waaay too much wine and after a week or 2 got some Valium from doc (which I couldn't mix with my wine which was a blessing!) I guess anything you can do to try relax or hit gym if you use the gym? Physically tire yourself out? Keep as busy as possible. I learned to drive and signed up for an evening course...just to try focus on something other than him & her and feel better about myself.

I'm just waffling now, sorry! But hope therapy helps and hope you have lots of support xxx

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