Need a handhold I’m in shock

[BlueRoses12]

Earlier this evening I came across a conversation my H was having with a ex coworker. He left his Facebook messenger chat page open on his iPad, I wasn’t snooping as we now share his iPad after mine gave up the ghost but I very rarely use it as it’s old and quite slow.

There wasn’t much chat to go on but the jist was she had recently left DHs place of work, she missed him dearly, was his soulmate and she was attracted to him and they had arranged to go out for drinks next weekend. I had never heard of her up until that point and was absolutely gob smacked as me and H have been getting on really well and I have absolutely no reason to think otherwise it really was a bolt out of the blue.

I phoned a very close friend as I was in absolute shock and panic on what to do and he was due home in about a hour after I found out. She came over immediately and was very much in the confront him calmly and kick his ass out immediately camp. I was very much all for staying silent and gathering more evidence as that’s the type of person I am but she said it was impossible as I was in such a state at the time, that there was no way I could act normal and not make him suspicious.

She took the children back to hers and my H came home. Calmly went out the window as soon as he came through the door I lost my shit. I took his phone and saw a few messages to and from her before he wrested it off me, the last text from him said “on my way home now will text when I can”.

He said the usual crap that they were just “really good friends” they had been working on a project together and had become really close and had loads of things in common. He said he never mentioned her as thought I may get jealous and get the wrong impression but they are “just good friends”

He said it’s all my head and I’m crazy there is nothing going on at that point I became hysterical shouting at him again. He took his car keys and phone and left he’s not even got his wallet on him.

The kids are back home and are now in bed, I’m shaking at in shock on what the hell hs just happened. I’ve not touched alcohol in over a year but I’m having a brandy as I don’t know what to do.

Hi OP. How are things going? Has your DH turned up yet and discussed what he has been up to? x

Hope you’re ok OP

I cant believe youve had no contact with him all week

Please take him to the cleaners in the divorce OP. Spare him no mercy.

Yes I’m ok, I’m absolutely shattered as it’s been a long draining week.

I have heard from him today. He sent me a text this evening that simply said “alright”
I wrote out many replies but ended up deleting them and have just ignored it.

I honestly don’t believe it, still no messages to the kids or even asking about them.

@BlueRoses12 sending hugs xxx Enjoy the weekend best you can with your kids xxx

You did the right thing. Ignore!

I can't imagine the will power it must have taken to not reply 39972 pages of text to him. Well done on that alone.

Jesus, just 'alright' ?

If I had been feeling forgiving before his radio silence I certainly wouldn't afterwards.

Ignore. He's just testing the water to see if you have cooled down. He's trying to be the one in control by staying out of contact. Don't play the game.

I got contacted by the OW husband and I had no idea what was going on. Unless I had seen screenshots of messages, photos of gifts etc I'm not sure I would have believed the extent of my STBEXH affair. It was confronting but opened a dialogue between me and OW husband and they then had no where to hide with us both comparing notes. Both marriages have now ended and it was painful but the OW husband was a support and he was brutally honest (we never actually met in person). You may get some information from the OW husband which may give you clarity on things. If not, nothing lost. Take care it's a difficult time

Have you heard from OW's husband?

I've been through this before and it was out of the blue as well and it was a complete shock. I was in shock when it happened. I was on the floor, unable to talk or move. It was a very scary experience.

I know what you're going through though and think you've done well planning and getting your ducks in a row. I think you deserve a pat on the back for that. :)

Just wanted to ask something you said on page 2 or 3:

"Absolutely nothing was out of the ordinary if anything he’s been spending even more time with me and the kids."

Is it possible DH was spending more time with you all because he was planning on leaving? My apologies if someone else asked this already upthread.

Hugs.

This is do saď. He is an absolute asshole! . For him to just run off and not even bothered to talk to you or even contact his kids is sickening!.

You are so strong. I'm proud of you!

Sorry if covered op
But when you budget you will likely be entitled to some benefits as a single parent

You could respond to his "alright" with
"Please message the kids. They are innocent in this and are missing you. I've told them such and such so far"

So sorry you're another going through this

PLEASE make sure your next salary doesn't go into the joint account next payday.

"He'd never do that to me or the kids" as you're fast learning are famous last words.

He’s condemned himself with his behaviour this week.

Hope your kids are doing okay.

What an arsehole!

He is such a coward.
Well done

I take it from him finally trying to get in touch that the OW hasn’t turned out to be his soulmate after all. There’s a shocker

Yeah just the word “alright” and nothing since. I think that’s his way of striking up a conversation with me but it hasn’t worked.

I’m going to go out on a massive limb here and say I don’t think he was leaving me. When I confronted H he said she was a temp he had been working there for 3 weeks, they had about a weeks worth of chat after she left. I can’t see it really.

When I did my budget I completely forgot about the council tax reduction that another poster mentioned also my figures were without maintenance, we will be alright budget said without taking that into account we should be +£35. I used food figures as a family of 4 so no doubt that will reduce as a less mouth to feed and that includes alcohol for H and I very rarely do.

I’ve asked the kids to message him a few time but they aren’t happy he’s not been home from work all week to see them.

No word from the OWs husband either.

I don't think he was leaving you. It did sound more her than him, but his behaviour since has shown that he was massively up to no good or at least thinking about it.

I can't believe he has behaved this way to you and the kids tbh.

Op bear in mind benefits!!

I don’t think he was planning to leave you either. He was offered it on a plate and was very interested.

I’m sorry your kids are hurting. What a prize prick he’s turned out to be.

Be prepared for him to turn up at the front door this weekend. He’s obviously decided that he’s sulked for long enough and all can go back to normal.

I’m guessing he’ll be expecting you to be grateful when he deigns to turn up after deciding he’s punished you for your unreasonable behaviour long enough. Suspect he’s in for a huge shock when you tell him how much better off you will be without him!