Social services

[Bearsinmotion]

Our house is a mess. Not a normal mess, it is a result of DP’s mental health and hoarding. I finally cracked and asked a health visitor to come round. She has referred us to social services. Please can someone tell me it will all be ok

You asking for help can only be a good thing. I hope things get better xx

A referral should enable you and dp to access support. Ss will focus on the children's welfare and wellbeing, and try to help you see different ways to address the issues.

Yes it will be ok, you are clearly being proactive in addressing the problems that you can tell impact your children. (Now I see you haven't mentioned children, do you have any or is it adult social services?). Be sure to keep the focus on getting the help your husband needs.

How bad is the hoarding and is it in every room? Be sure to keep the kids rooms clear as they will focus on the safety of them first.

curlykaren. Even if it is adult social services they would still focus on any children present.

You deffinatly done the right thing!! Everything will be fine 💞

Two DC. It’s the impact on them I am worried about.

Op take a look at helpforhoarders.co.uk you may find further help there too.

It will be completely fine. You have done the right thing to create a better environment for your children. You are a good mum and ss will recognise that.

Thank you all for the reassurance . In a practical sense what should I expect? What happens next?

I would try to ensure the DC rooms are clear and clean and kitchen and bathroom if possible, the safety and DC welfare is the priority. Will DH accept help is needed? Will he help you?

How old are your dc? SW may speak to school/nursery and hv. Do they attend regularly, washed and in clean clothes? Do they have beds with clean linen, is the bathroom and kitchen clean? Fresh food in the fridge?

Yes, they have always been happy and clean, no complaints from school or nursery

Depends how bad it is, they may give you a deadline for when it needs to be sorted. They may or may not offer help to do it.

clear kitchen tops (no clutter. toaster and stuff is ok) no dishes in sink, be sure fridge is not harbouring any out of date food on the off chance they may look inside.

No laundry pile if possible. maybe bleach down the door frames quickly to give that just cleaned smell if needed.

Ensure the bathroom is clean and tidy as are the kids rooms.

check you have a working smoke alarm. they will check health and safety.

Its hard to say really as we don't know the severity of the problem. Is it just cluttered and messy or floor to ceiling boxes of stuff.

The main problem will be your DH and his attitude to this happening.

Social services will assess the situation (usually by visiting you at home) and decide whether it merits their involvement. They have to decide whether the children are at risk of serious harm (which would lead to a case conference been called) or whether the children are deemed to be children in need. Either way a plan would be made asking the parents and various agencies to put things in place to improve the situation for the children. Everyone involved in the case (including a representative from school) .meets monthly to check that the plan is progressing. When all of the actions are completed the case can be closed. It is possible the situation may not be deemed to reach the threshold for SS involvement. Then they may refer you to family support. This would involve a series of home visits by a support worker who will help you set goals and work towards achieving them. They may also involve other services as required. In my experience, social workers and family support workers are helpful and supportive.

I had similar. She referred me to “early help” and said someone would come round to help clean. I declined it. Im a lone parent to 4 children under 8, (2 with sen) my house is messy but not a tip but its a struggle to keep up with it. Didnt hear from them again. but to answer it should he early help and someone coming round to help you clean up.

Thanks, if it was real, practical help that would be great. I just don’t want to clean it on my own if DP can’t or won’t.

@bears
Why would you not clean it on your own? Whether DP can't/won't help is irrelevant ; you need to do what is necessary to keep your kids safe. If it's serious enough SS could take any decisions out your hands. Please take everyone's advice and clean kitchen, bathroom and DC bedrooms.

You don't want to clean or you don't want to clear?Do you have a shed? at the very least if there is a lot on the places mentioned that should be cleared then pack it up and store in the shed for the sake of the kids.

If it comes to it and neither of you make the effort then there is a real possibility that they will look into further into a child plan. If your dh won't make any effort then he can't be that bothered over his stuff and maybe not a hoarder just lazy.

Hang on?
You called social services because you don't want to clean your house?
Is that not then more of a marital dispute than anything else? A stalemate?

To be clear, it’s the practical side of doing it all on my own. It’s not an exaggeration to say it would be as much effort as moving house, multiple trips to the tip etc.

I am more than happy

Does DP know about the referral? Does he accept that he's a hoarder? Does he accept that things need to change and is he actually capable of change? No point you clearing it if he will fill it again.
What have you done to address this with DP in the past?

Ignore the judgemental people. Youve asked for help and that is what Mn always suggest to do when struggling. It can be hard to keep on top of things, youve made a start by asking for help.

I am not sure just getting some help with cleaning is the answer. They might provide help as a one off, but what is the long term solution? Hoarders hoard. It is a really difficult behaviour to change, even with lots of help and support. The mess isn't really the problem, your DP is. Is he engaging with any services to help him manage his behaviour?