Social services

[Bearsinmotion]

Our house is a mess. Not a normal mess, it is a result of DP’s mental health and hoarding. I finally cracked and asked a health visitor to come round. She has referred us to social services. Please can someone tell me it will all be ok

Maybe pay for priv therapy if none available on NHS.

That’s appalling imip :(

I am glad some action is being taken. DP is upset but not angry at the moment.

We stayed in the local premier inn last night, the DC loved it and want to go again

DP is at Relate on his own this morning. We are working on private therapy for him, we are waiting for his GP to pass his notes on to the private therapist.

Wow that is a dramatic outcome to first step! Not surprised the kids loved the Premier Inn. Did your DP see that?

Interesting that he is at relate. Outside the hoarding what is your relationship like?

@imip it sounds really really tough for you and I hope that you manage to get some help from somewhere

Sorry you had to drop everything to go home and see the social worker. Unannounced visits only happen for a reason, I wonder if in this case the reason is the SW wanted an unvarnished look at living conditions (it is human nature to tidy up before people visit your house, particularly people like SWs.)
Hope all of this encourages DH to address his issues.

Like I said, we are technically separated. Started exploring health visitor / Relate / community mental health at Christmas.

Not sure what is going on now. No word from anyone today, presumably we can’t stay here tonight unless the fire safety person comes round so I can’t go to work but it’s ominously quiet from SS.

Give them a call OP and chase up on what is happening.
I really hope this intervention helps you with all your issues.
I honestly can't imagine this.
I am very minimalist and this would send me over the edge.

Sounds like a step in the right direction

Phoned them twice. Still nothing

I just wanted to say I think you are very brave and understand that you are trying to think long-term about your family by trying to keep your DP well enough to work and therefore keep your home.

My friend's mum hoards and it is a very difficult situation to live in, I really hope this is the start of you getting some knowledgeable support.
It must be so difficult to see someone you love become unwell and be changed through their hoarding; they are unwell but equally you need to look after yourself and your children. Your DP needs help but you need a safe home. I really hope he can be supported to release his hoard (or agree to confining it to, for example, a shed) and put your DC first.

Op I know you don't want to get rid of the hoard because you fear it will trigger a crisis that could result in your dh losing his job, but if he did have a crisis he may get the proper help he needs and many employers would be v supportive, are you sure he'd lose his job? I've wo in lots 9f companies where employees have MH crises, we don't fire them.
Obviously they may not be sympathetic or he may not be paid if off sick but I'm just asking because it must be so hard for you not to just get stuck in and get rid of the fire hazard at least.
Also if you are splitting anyway, why not do it now so he moves put and you can make the house clean and safe? When you say you're technically separated, in practical terms you're technically still together because you can't sort the hoard, ate still living together and are financially integrated.
Good luck op I hope ss call soon re the fire visit it must be a really tough day 💐

This is purely speculation OP so may not be that helpful. The social worker will have no no control over when the fire worker will have time to visit your house. Have you been explicitly clear with the SW that you aren't going to address the hoard because of your DH's mental health? I ask because if you haven't they may expect you to be dealing with it now as it as be flagged as possible high risk.

They’re coming tomorrow at 10:30 now so we are back in the Premier Inn .

DP is staying at home tonight to sort. He has said he will buy a shed to put stuff in and ordered extra recycling bins, as well as asking the council to get rid of some of the bigger things. Then it depends on what they say tomorrow...

At least your DH seems to be taking it seriously. Do you think he can follow through?

I don’t know. I hope so. But I need to plan either way.

Its not unusual for them to come out that quickly. they did it to me when I had some stuff cluttering the hallway as I had dragged it out another room when doing a deep clean.

Glad that you are getting some support, but it's really not sustainable to stay in hotels every night!

Could your partner move out with his hoard? Leaving you with a nice clear house?

So social worker and (lovely!) fire safety person has been round. There’s a few things to do before we can move back in but they said it is actually not that bad. Social worker is annoyed at MH services for discharging DP and is speaking to them this pm about reversing their decision. They were very understanding about DP’s mental health.

We are booked in the hotel until Saturday and then moving to my sisters, hopefully until we can move back in...

Good for you. It sounds like you have a medium term plan and are trying to sort it out in everyone's best interests

How's are you doing Bears?

*how.

Mostly good. Still in the hotel waiting to find out what needs doing before the DC can come home. They are loving it, novelty is wearing off for me! Been back to work where everyone has been super supportive, line manager has said to take whatever time I need. DP still seems to be handling it all well so far...

Is he still moving stuff out of the house?
I agree a hotel is great for 2 nights but then you want to be in your home with all your belongings and clothes etc....
I really hope you get home soon and that things get resolved for you.

Glad kids are enjoying it -it's a holiday for them. Hope they started getting things moving

What happened OP? Did you get to mice back to a clearer home?