Probably the wrong place to post. My fiancé admitted that he had a lap dance last month. I’m gutted.

[currantbeings]

I don’t know whether this is the right place to post.

Myself and OH have been together for 8 years. I’m currently 29 weeks pregnant with DD2.

He went on his friend’s stag do last month, they went to Prague. I’m not naive, I know they weren’t going to look at the architecture and had gotten my head around the fact that they’d be going to strip clubs etc.

I didn’t want to be ‘that’ girlfriend who comes across as jealous and possessive but I told him that I completely and utterly draw the line at private lap dances. Having a naked woman grind herself across his privates with her boobs in his face is crossing a line in my eyes. It tells me that he has the desire to cheat.

It wasn’t like the Spanish Inquisition when he got back. I was happy to see him and asked him if he’d had a good time. I got short and snappy one or two word replies. He never really elaborated much.

He was driving last night and a text came through on his phone from the groom. I asked him if he wanted me to read it and he slammed all on and shouted ‘no!’

I caught a glimpse of the messages and one from OH read ‘I was so hard after that dance, I had to find a toilet to relieve myself.’

I was very upset initially. He tried to deny it and then said that his friend had paid for it for him and he felt as though he had to go through with it, oh must’ve been such a chore having a beautiful, slim, young girl bouncing on your boner!! Fully nude too apparently!

I feel so vulnerable, down and depressed about it all. I know in the scheme of things it’s probably not that bad but I made my feelings clear before he went. I’ve been on a lot of hen parties and never had the urge to have some stranger rub himself against me.

I feel like I’ve lost all respect for OH’s friends too. I don’t want to go to their fucking wedding next month and to be honest I want to call our wedding off. That’s how upset I am about it all!

I really feel for you, this sounds awful.
totally get the feeling of vulnerability at your stage of pregnancy - a lot of men can get their heads around that (including my own DH unfortunately).

Men can be great, but they can also be weak, selfish, inconsiderate shitebags (I know women can be too, but think we generally have more integrity and try to live by our principles even when that's hard).

Unless we're lucky enough to end up with one of the truly fantastic men out there, I think we have to resign ourselves to putting up with some level of bullshit in our relationships - or be happily single like so many women.

Another deal breaker here. I can’t understand okaying lap dances in a marriage actually, throw in the lying, those texts (we don’t even need to go to trying to touch her- ugh) and we have don't let the door hit you on the way out.
I’m really sorry op

@Moralitym1n1 that’s your blinkered view, but you are entitled to it. The women I lived with worked in the UK, but also in other cities such as Prague. Moreover I think your opinion of people from the Czech Republic being ‘dirt poor foreigners’ is highly offensive. The Czech Republic is not a poor country.

Wanker. I’d be devastated too. And the fact he tried to turn it round and say it’s cos you’re too tired to have sex. What a wanker

@JFDIJFDIJFDI

You lived with international/Europe wide lap dancers.

Why would anyone strip for Czech currency if they could strip for sterling.

It's poor compared to the UK. And I was referring to all sex tourist destinations inc. eastern Europe, south East Asia etc. There is a reason they are sex tourism destinations, they are comparatively poor.

Anyway the 'happy hooker' story is always trotted out, nicely obscures the not so happy hooker stories: which are the majority.

I sympathise for what happened to the OP.

But as a separate point, when a man goes away ,why do some women feel that they have a right to sit there and dictate a list of does and donts to him? Why not simply say have a nice weekend,and take care.

When any of my partners have gone away with a friend or friends ,i am not consumed with thoughts such as that. I dont think ,ooh she will be talking to men,eyeing them up, maybe having sex with them. Nothing is further from my thoughts,. I cannot monitor or police what she does and would never attempt to. As for voicing my concerns pre deparature,well that would be just absurd.

But i agree,we are digressing slightly..

The fact that op was pregnant at home looking after their daughter and his daughter with someone else while he did this, and he knows that while he happily, sleazily reminicises with his mate - is he shit in top of the cake for me

Arnold It’s not about telling someone what they can or can’t do - just what your boundaries are. As in if you are going to cheat then we won’t be together any more. And if DH decided to go on an Eastern European stag do and go to strip clubs I wouldn’t respect him or want to be with him.

"Resigning ourselves to putting up with some level of bullshit"

No fucking way...I expect a tasteful, well rounded intellectual not a fucking ape-man!
Any man that classed this as entertainment and a good use of their time and money is completely useless to me.

Fucking embarrassing.

Op you sound like a switched on woman, don't settle for this barrell-bottom scraping of an individual.

@Moralitym1n1 - what nonsense is that - there are a far greater number of people living in poverty in the UK than in the Czech Republic. (See: ec.europa.eu/eurostat/statistics-explained/index.php/People_at_risk_of_poverty_or_social_exclusion)

But never mind, they're only dirt poor foreigners and our men have a right to entertain themselves with them on stag dos and lads holidays.

Well they are paying for it after all, as long as these women are. Making a decent living, and as long as they come home and feel a bit guilty about it that makes it OK apparently

@Arnoldthecat, women don’t usually go out, willing to pay to be dry humped.

A private lap dance is a deal breaker for me. He didn’t ‘get a list of do’s and dont’s,’ he was told, explicitly, how I feel about private lap dances, especially in an Eastern European country. Given that I was at home that weekend, looking after our DD and also agreeing to have my DSD as her mum was at work, not to mention 6 months pregnant, you’d think he’d have the decency and the respect to abstain from the one fucking thing I told him I wasn’t happy with!

But no, and not only that, he took it a step further, treat her like total, throwaway trash and tried to intimately touch her WITHOUT consent and a partner and children at home. Yet I’m the one being unreasonable for laying down the law before he want @Arnoldthecat.

Arnold It’s not about telling someone what they can or can’t do - just what your boundaries are. As in if you are going to cheat then we won’t be together any more. And if DH decided to go on an Eastern European stag do and go to strip clubs I wouldn’t respect him or want to be with him

So when my partner is all excited about jetting off with her bestie for a weekend city break, i should piss on her parade and belittle her by saying something like,, oh do enjoy yourself dear but remember, no fucking other men behind my back..?

Arnold - When you say dictating do’s and don’t’s you make it sound trivial, like what they are eating or wearing or which sporting activities they can do or something. That is very different to being clear on what level of stripping/sexual activity they consider unacceptable. Regardless of gender we are all entitled to our boundaries. If you don’t want to be with someone that has private naked dances with other people then you shouldn’t be tricked into staying with someone who has done that behind your back when they knew that was a boundary. It isn’t controlling to have that as a boundary.

@Arnoldthecat wtf are you on about? Presumably your partner knows your relationship is exclusive?

The women I lived with worked in the UK, but also in other cities such as Prague.

Ah you knew 2 people, well that makes you an expert then.

@Arnoldthecat, there’s a difference between going on a city break with a best friend and going on a stag do with a large group of men to a city notorious for its sex clubs, red light district and prostitutes.

Arnold, you’re so right - the nerve of some women, amirite? Asking their partner not to pay money to have tits and a vulva shoved in their face while he tries to grab them, and then goes into the toilet for a wank.

What is it with these ridiculously high expectations, eh?

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Arnold So when she goes off on her weekend break is she going to see lots of naked men in strip clubs in a notorious Eastern European destination?

oh do enjoy yourself dear but remember, no fucking other men behind my back..?

I don’t know - is she likely to fuck other men? Because OP’s DP did exactly the vile thing she asked him not to do.

The fact that he tried to grope her would be the red line for me I think, this just shows zero respect for women. He views them as pure objects for the purpose of his pleasure. The fact that he has daughters is shocker. If I found out my dh had done this I don’t think I could look at him as a partner and father to my dd in the same way.

The whole thing is sleazy but then I just don't get this culture of stag dos and strip clubs. What the fuck is wrong with these men? My DH's 'stag do' was a day visiting scrap yards followed fish and chips and staying up all night playing FIFA.

Thanks Currant you put it much better than I did.

@Moralitym1n1

I did... they stripped in UK cities and all over Europe. The money wasn’t the same everywhere, but they got to travel and in cities like Paris the money was better. It was a life experience for them... their words not mine.

They were strippers, not ‘happy hookers’. Let’s be clear.

I’m just trying to say that not all strippers/lap dancers/exotic dancers are miserable and coerced.

I do not want to derail this thread. I totally understand the OP and I think her partners behaviour was wrong. Trying to hide the facts, trying to touch the dancer and rushing to the loo to relieve himself are all unacceptable.

I’m sorry this has happened to you OP, especially being pregnant... it’s really shit.

I dont think ,ooh she will be talking to men,eyeing them up, maybe having sex with them. Nothing is further from my thoughts,

Lies.

Also think you are missing the point of the thread. Telling your partner you find it unacceptable for them to go and have a naked woman grind up against them is not dictating what they can or cannot do 😂