Probably the wrong place to post. My fiancé admitted that he had a lap dance last month. I’m gutted.

[currantbeings]

I don’t know whether this is the right place to post.

Myself and OH have been together for 8 years. I’m currently 29 weeks pregnant with DD2.

He went on his friend’s stag do last month, they went to Prague. I’m not naive, I know they weren’t going to look at the architecture and had gotten my head around the fact that they’d be going to strip clubs etc.

I didn’t want to be ‘that’ girlfriend who comes across as jealous and possessive but I told him that I completely and utterly draw the line at private lap dances. Having a naked woman grind herself across his privates with her boobs in his face is crossing a line in my eyes. It tells me that he has the desire to cheat.

It wasn’t like the Spanish Inquisition when he got back. I was happy to see him and asked him if he’d had a good time. I got short and snappy one or two word replies. He never really elaborated much.

He was driving last night and a text came through on his phone from the groom. I asked him if he wanted me to read it and he slammed all on and shouted ‘no!’

I caught a glimpse of the messages and one from OH read ‘I was so hard after that dance, I had to find a toilet to relieve myself.’

I was very upset initially. He tried to deny it and then said that his friend had paid for it for him and he felt as though he had to go through with it, oh must’ve been such a chore having a beautiful, slim, young girl bouncing on your boner!! Fully nude too apparently!

I feel so vulnerable, down and depressed about it all. I know in the scheme of things it’s probably not that bad but I made my feelings clear before he went. I’ve been on a lot of hen parties and never had the urge to have some stranger rub himself against me.

I feel like I’ve lost all respect for OH’s friends too. I don’t want to go to their fucking wedding next month and to be honest I want to call our wedding off. That’s how upset I am about it all!

Who are people like me?

Please just stop labouring this.

OP may need to come back for support

Currantbeings
I hope that you and the baby are ok. I've just looked back at some of your comments on other posts, and my heartbreaks a little more for you. The MMC last year, and now this early delivery scare.
7 years down the line with one DC, another on the way and a wedding to plan we’re very happy.
Just a few weeks ago y'all were still a happy family. And now this! Age is not an excuse, but at 39 your fiance is definitely old enough to have controlled his behavior. I'm so sorry for what you're going through now.
Prayers and hugs.

Thinking of you this morning OP. Are you still at hospital?

OP, I really hope you’re ok. Take no notice on here of the loons who feel the need to come on to share the details if their bi, open marriages or whatever. This is all irrelevant and these posters inevitably crop up on any thread about lap dancing or prostitution.

What is particularly vile here, is that you’re (ex-hopefully) P was still “joking” about the stripper on his return. So it’s not as if he woke up mortified the next day, embarrassed by what he’d been “cajoled” into doing by his mates.

It’s a disgrace at any time, but given t your condition, it’s a dealbreaker, as far as I would be concerned. The only things he could possibly have done which would be worse, is slept with a prostitute, had an affair or killed / raped / abused someone. None of which are appealing options.

I would not go to the wedding and I would definitely tell the bride-to-be exactly why. Let her make her own judgement about whether she wants to proceed with the wedding. If you were her, wouldn’t you want to know? I definitely would.

It’s tragic that you’ll be looking at raising this child as a single mum, but you can’t stay with this piece of shit just for the sake of the child, you really can’t. He has shown you his true colours at the worst possible time and sadly there can be no going back. He only has himself to blame.

I once went to a wedding where the bride found out the night before that this kind of thing had gone on. She called off the wedding, but I can tell you to this day she has never looked back. She has a new DH now and two DC. Above all, she has her self-respect and can pass this on to her DC. You can’t pretend a creep is anything other than a creep and children see through pretence.

I truly wish you and you child all the best.

I

Hope you and the baby are okay OP. Just to share a friend's experience of lap dancing, my beautiful young Aussie friend. She worked in London doing it, no coercion, she was studying and it was quick money. But one day she explained to me how even the vanilla stuff works, when the men are not trying to touch the women, which is simply sexual assault, you can't dress that up any other way and it happens all the time. She showed me how she'd dance in front of a man, like I was one sat down, and did some moves while making eye contact with me. That was the most intimate part of it, the eye contact and made me realise that even without nakedness or contact it was incredibly intimate and she had to do that with any old punter who was there. Absolutely disgusting to me and basically she hated it, she was prostituting her very soul. So to all those saying it's a bit of fun, it's consensual, blah blah, think about that the next time you look in to their eyes, they are not enjoying it, they are acting as if they are. My friend was really good at it. Still fun? Or will you admit you get off on the power of it, not the sexual aspect?

Hi all, sorry for the lack of updates.

I don’t mind folks debating on this thread. We all have different perspectives. I’d like to thank those with different perspectives to mine for giving their opinions but not chastising or belittling me for my own.

I’m still in hospital. Started with contraction like pains again last night, was put on a drip to stop them which seems to be working so far. Doesnt look like I’ll be making it ‘home’ anytime soon, where ever that’s going to be.

Haven’t heard anything from him. Have told my mum, her response was ‘well I bought ‘your stepdad’ a kissogram for his 50th birthday. You’re overreacting.’ This was after I’d old her about the touching.

I’m still horrified and heartbroken by it all. I’m constantly petrified that he’ll turn up. I can’t even put into words how I feel. I’m frightened about this baby, I suffered 3 MC’s before her, I’m frightened about the future and dreading being a single mum. However, if I were to forgive him and go back, I’d be uncertain and insecure every day of my life, I know I couldn’t bear it. The trust has gone and although I still love him, I have no intentions to even let him try to rebuild that trust.

Sorry your mum is being so unsupportive

Do you have a close friend who would get it?

@AnotherEmma my lovely best friend came to see me today. I broke down when I saw her and told her everything.

She was horrified and shocked. She said he’d always seemed so devoted and loving, which he was. But she stands firm with me and told me that it would be a deal breaker for her too. She was really mad with him and has told me to tell the bride.

I’m sticking to my guns where the bride is concerned. If she gets wind and asks me outright then lll tell her why we aren’t together anymore. For all I know this could be completely acceptable to her.

This would be the end for me. It isn’t about whether or not I agree with the boundary (I do) but that he broke it knowing it was your line in the sand and then tried to blame you after. I can’t stand the idea of peer pressure as an excuse either. I am fairly relaxed in general about my H finding other women attractive and it isn’t actually the strip club that would bother me, but the lying would.

I didn’t see the last two pages for some reason OP

OP I'm so sorry you are still in hospital and that your mum is being so unsupportive, glad you have a friend there for you.

I would feel exactly the same as you, I wouldn't be able to relax and it would be on my mind all the time. Everything will look clearer once you have got over the shock of that and being in the hospital. You sound like a strong woman who has her head screwed on. Everything will work out in the end.

Sorry your mum isn't being supportive. A kissogram is nothing at all like the situation you're in. How absurd of her.

I'm glad you've got a supportive friend, she sounds great.

Hopefully you can hang in there and the contractions will settle down.

"well I bought ‘your stepdad’ a kissogram for his 50th birthday. You’re overreacting."

People always stay stupid shit like that when this comes up.

Well to give it the analysis that it doesn't deserve - she organised and approved it did him, he didn't go looking for it. He also didn't go looking for it having had a discussion with her when she said vsgd wouldn't be ok with it. And in too of all that ; it was in public, in front of her and probably rather tame. Not in a sex industry club in a different country with you neither aware of approving or present, rather you were looking after your child and his from another relationship which esp gets my goat personally for some reason.

And she didn't find out her partner had lied and wax continuing to lie about it,band was sleazily reliving it with his friend.

Your mum's s big silly and definitely unsupportive. At least your friend had more empathy.

The fact he hadn't even been in apologising and begging (not that that should change things but seriously). Have a feeling he thinks it's pregnancy hormones and you'll come around.

You're in the right place OP, getting looked after. Everyone here feels for you, I think we all wish we could give you a hug.

• not him
• She wouldn't be ok with it
• On top of all that

I'm doubting she was pregnant with your step dads child at the time either.

(Also I doubt he said to her that he tried to touch the stripper's vulva but she stopped him).

As I said before OP, you may feel firmly that the relationship's over and I fully understand that, but if it's causing you too much stress at this time to accept it being over and deal with telling people it is, you can kick that ball down the road.

All good wishes and love to you and your baby.

🌷 I’m sending ‘hold tight little baby’ vibes. I hope she’s listening! x

I’m glad you’ve told your best friend & im glad she didn’t minimise it. Can she help with DD while you’re in hospital?

As for your Mum, HER booking a ‘kissogram’ for her DH is (IMO tacky & so 1980’s 🙄) NOTHING like what your STBXDH did. Nothing at all. Be very blunt about it one more time ‘Mum, she was grinding her naked body against him and he tried to finger her. I’m not standing for that. If you would, that’s your call, but I’m not. I’m not repeating myself on this point. Just accept it’

Tell twat features crying and grovelling is pathetic. He KNEW what he was doing and made that choice.

Your mother is a ridiculous handmaiden. I am glad you don't take after her in that way.

Stick to your guns, OP. I hope all will be well for you.

Just put Ur energy in baby and rest... Xxxxx hope you have a good night

Sending well wishes

Drogo I am behind the scenes. More so than most as I've relief managed two clubs as well as being house mum in 9, and been a stripper for 17 years. I'm not naive to the industry, I'd dare say I've seen a lot more of it than most.

I am a lesbian, for what its worth, I scrawled through the thread but I think a few people said derogatory things about those who are okay with their men getting dances. . My partner has had dances as have I.

I also think the debate would be best moved to another thread however.

Op, youre doing fabulous. You've stuck to your boundaries. Im sorry to hear you've had time in hospital and I agree wholeheartedly with pps, this needs to be about you and your baby now.

All aside what's been said about to some people this is cheating and some not, I would hope its unanimous that someone who attempts to sexually assault someone, stripper or not, is NOT someone to keep in our lives and let help raise our children. That part actually made me feel slightly sick . I hope youre okay and I'm sorry for your situation.