Can’t sleep. Confronting him in the morning.

[LifeCasting]

I’m so upset. 99.9% sure he has cheated on me. The facts don’t add up. Even if they did, his approach to when I asked for reassurance was telling. Feeling like I’ve been gaslit. I feel sick. Please hold my hand.

So what if some random mates of his think you are mean. Anyone who knows you will be like

Well done on blocking. As Towel said, who cares what people think, as long as your close friends know and family, who gives a shit. Chances are they have an inkling if what he’s like anyway

Yes! He will clearly go down this route - “she was too suspicious to carry on”. If they are bright they will work out that my suspicions would have and but been roused!

I care less and less.

She was clearly with him when he wrote last few messages. I managed to get in: “Don’t forget to show her the whole thread from Monday when you told me you loved me!”

And also suggested she have an STI test after our unprotected sex.

He will be pissed off with that ending!

Also that I told his friend that I don’t speak of out of maliciousness, but out of hurt. He could have reassured, if it was not true!

This will slow down their sordid plan.

He is a horrible, dirty, gaslighting, toxic fucker. I am reminding myself. Thank GOODNESS I found out.

Well done OP, the blocking is a huge huge step. As other fab posters posted above: they are only interested in drawing this out, trying to get to you, get little last jabs in. They are not intetested in anything you are saying. They are not listening.

The satisfaction you can take from your own silence is neverending. Its about taking your power back, and keeping it.

They can't reach you, and they know you don't care to listen to a single bit more. It kills em, and its the best thing you can do. Celebrate!

Thanks so much, OfficeSlave I can see now that he has had her lined up and has been lying to make people believe that there is a bigger gap between women than there really is. Except I told his daughter plus other influentials in his life that I ended it yesterday. So I have a few people who will know about his cheaty wanky ways.

I need to now care less. You are right - more gas lighted entailed, more drawing out, in that short gap of unblocking. And they were obviously together. And he was obviously lying (because she could see his phone). So they can both fuck off to the land of fuck.

I must keep reminding myself of the silence, the power, that I now hold. He won't know my movements, it's a small town, they won't be able to hide it for long. And then most will know I was right. So it's a win-win situation from my perspective.

They can't reach me. They now know that I have blocked them out. Evil fuckers.

Ok. I need to soothe myself and to get rid of the spikes around me. Maybe another beta blocker before bed tonight.
I'm going to stay sober for a bit, too. I don't need to feel crap about myself (I was drinking and eating a lot with him).

I am reminding myself that there are other, more caring men out there, who will hold my feelings close. I hope!

Oh there most certainly will be OP. Some men are just fantastic and you'll wonder why you wasted so much time with that loser. You'll find yourself again and you'll be liberated proud and happy.

well done OP, you can get through this given time

He just phoned me.

I said - "Hello"
He said: "Life, it's x"

I hung up.

He has just tried to ring again.

LA LA LA can't hear you.

Ha! Even with a new woman in his bed he wants to know he can still have you if he wants. Rejection is unacceptable. Boo hoo, see my tears for him.

Oh well done OP go you I was cheering you on!

I think he was really phoning me up to tell me off for letting people know he has been a cheating fuck.

But I don't need to be scared of him, do I?

Even if he wasn't a cheating fuck (cos of his gaslighting, I am still a teeny bit doubting), he has not given impression of otherwise...
Am I right?

You are absolutely right! And by hanging up you are still in control.

Regardless of his cheating, he’s treated you like shit... so you have EVERY right to have done what you did

Hey thanks, WHoKnewBeefStew It's that 0.01% talking again!

Naturally, the point of gaslighting is to make us doubt them.
Permit me some ramblings.

I've just read through since Monday, the reasons that led me here.

At best whether he is cheating or not is ambiguous. He has never reassured me - said he is not, only after I ended it

In the middle, is the thought he has been thinking of dumping me to take on her.

At worst, this has been going on forever.

Not looking good, is it?

We could argue that I am not giving him the chance to explain. But:
a) he had plenty of chances to supply clarity
b) he could have phoned before
c) he can still email me
d) why the FUCK if he wanted to save this, didn't he rush round immediately, to hug me and tell me I was wrong?

There we are. If he is phoning me, he will be unlikely to have anything beneficial to say to me.

He must be DYING.
I used to give him detailed breakdowns of my timetables.
Of my plans.
My help.
I came running every time. I went to him wherever he was, mostly.

Now he has nothing.
He doesn't even know what I have told people, and who knows the truth.

Another thought: he is phoning (rather than emailing) so there is no evidence. So he can keep us BOTH stringing along. And so he can twist my words.

Let's see if he resorts to email. That would be telling.

Just look at the first texts he sent you after you dumped him...

No ‘oh baby are you ok’
No ‘are you ok’
No ‘how can I help’
No ‘let me make this right’

He didn’t rush round to see you!

Nothing he has done since you dumped him has been for your benefit, it was all about HIM! Now it’s too late.. he can’t turn back time and do those things, because it’s too late. And why is this? Because he’s a selfish arsehole

He's a dickhead.

OP you need to take a deep breath and just let it go. You are expending an enormous amount of emotional energy on someone who is not worth it. You've done the best thing by getting rid of him. Onwards and upwards, good times are coming xx

Don't answer calls from unknown numbers on your mobile.

They'll leave a message if it's important.

You are putting way too much thought into this. This is way too much drama and bullshit for one person, you don't need it. I wouldn't even bother with the 'you cheated' 'no I didn't' banter. It would just be 'I don't have feelings for you anymore and am not in love with you'. Can't argue with that.

OP just forget him now. It's really not worth it. Don't engage with him any more.

DO NOT ENGAGE

DO NOT GUVE HIM ANYMORE OF YOUR LIFE-INCLUDING BRAIN SPACE

LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE

give FFS

Stop engaging with him. You were doing so well and now you seem to be caught up in it all again.

I do understand that you're angry (and rightly so) but just stop. Breathe. Move on.