Can’t sleep. Confronting him in the morning.

[LifeCasting]

I’m so upset. 99.9% sure he has cheated on me. The facts don’t add up. Even if they did, his approach to when I asked for reassurance was telling. Feeling like I’ve been gaslit. I feel sick. Please hold my hand.

Don’t bother to reply. You took back your power. You made a decision.

Even if he wasn’t cheating he was being an emotional terrorist who was gaslighting you and making you feel paranoid and calling you paranoid.

There is a wonderful faithful man out there for you. Start being busy finding him.
X

Don’t reply...

I just said -
Yes. I am a clear, open, and direct person.

Nothing else!
And no more now. I mustn’t engage any more.
(Please continue to hold my hand!!!)

You did it! Let every inch of your mind and body feel pride in yourself, that took strength and you have it, and used it. Remember it. Feel releif. He isnt your problem anymore, his ways, his lies, no more covering up and putting up for him. Op, you have all the strength you need to continue this. He may grow desperate for ways back in, he may not, either way, stay determined to forge out more worthy pathways for you, that you deserve!

Truly learning from something like this can be life changing. Itdid for me and many many others. Arm yourself with knowledge before choosing another partner in the future. Read those books, read about gaslighting.
❤️

I will also say, resisting attempts to be reeled back in to any conversation whatsoever is also crucial. Ignore, block, delete.

It might be hours, days, weeks months or years from now, that he makes contact - it might seem friendly and innocent but it is always for them to get the upper hand. To make you feel foolish, to deliver a pseudo-friendly blow like, 'im so glad weve stayed friends, i only really saw you as a friend' or to try to manipulate you or wear you down to let them back in. None of it will benefit you.

No more replies now. Blocking is easiest. New phone no sometimes feels even better.

Well done! Do not reply. Do not reply. Do not reply. Let his message be the last one, otherwise you'll keep staring at your phone waiting to see if he messages you back.

DO NOT REPLY!!

Well done OP!

Now turn your phone off, or block his number. Go do something for yourself and have a bit of pamper time

Well done op!

Excellent reply! Stay strong.

Well done, OP!!! Excellent reply.

Now BLOCK.

YES YES thank you so, so much.

There is already another text from him. A longer one which starts with how it would be helpful for him if we could talk (I can only see the header, not even going to give him the satisfaction of having it marked as read).

My lovely cleaner just left and my wonderful friend is coming at 2pm.

I have stepped up all my amazing friends. And I feel I have friends in your all. I drove back already feeling relieved. Let him be someone else's problem.

I want to be you when I grow up - kickass reply.

NOW DO NOT ENGAGE ANY MORE

And delete his number so you aren't ever tempted after drinks or a sad day to have a go at him. You will only be cast as his psycho ex. When in fact you're an ex who has walked away head held high and refused to take his shit.

Again, I want to be you when I grow up!!!

KNEW he'd backtrack on tone when you kept it brief.

DO NOT ENGAGE!!

Based on my experience, please please please block him on everything. He's already following the pattern so many people do when caught out and the other person is done. I'll save you the trouble - it's as follows:

Yes me too
Can you tell me why?
I know why you want to split up but you're wrong I didn't do xyz
You're a psycho
Sorry I sent that I was drunk
The occasional how are you text

None of these will help you. Block. Delete. Move on - it's no easier the longer you leave it and you're already on a headstart of moving on, it's done now.

We are all rooting for you :)

Please block in case you get tempted later on. Have fun with your friend!

@LifeCasting, look at you go!! You have handled this perfectly. Have a great time with your friend!

Oh you are all marvellous - looking out for me! OoBeautifulDay what a lovely reply! I'm not sure I am at all grown up, but you all helped me to kick some serious ass today.

I love it that you have given me a script for what will follow! Ha ha!!!

"Luckily" I already dumped him once a few months ago. I didn't want to say on here in case it was outing, but his response when he discovered I have extra special sixth sense (ASD has to have some perks, right?) was "in that case allow me the privilege of being the first to end it". What a WANKER.

We already had your script! It was a bit more soppy - can't live without you, miss you so badly, etc. but I promised myself that if I felt unsafe like that, I would do something about it.

Ok. I want to block him now. Can I do this without reading his latest text? I would like to bypass giving him "the privilege" of my reading his last text.

Fuck you're a natural at this wish I'd done that to my script man!

Yes don't give him the satisfaction of blue ticks.

FWIW I think anyone would be lucky to go out with someone as badass as you're being!!

Ps the script seems to be a universal phenomenon used exclusively by dickheads. Well done you

I can't thank you enough! What a lovely thing to read when feeling crap.

I must admit, the feeling of panic just melted away. I can do what the hell I like again. I mustn't think back, though. Forwards.

I look down and I see the "1" for my texts. One message unread. I am leaving it like that, to remind myself that other people get their messages read but he is not worthy of my attention for reading.

It actually said (could tell from header) something like if it helps ME, he is willing to talk. Arrogant arsehole. He always turned it to MY weakness. I will have shocked him by being strong. I am not giving him the satisfaction of thinking I even perceived this. He won't know if I blocked him or not, either. I will block him later on.

For now, to keep strong... NO alcohol and many books and friends and my DCs and some nice plans ahead. I will ebay all his gifts and will spend it on a holiday for myself.

You are so welcome!

Oh wow - he's so kind offering to help YOU I will have to add that to "the script"

As someone who has been there - not at all telling you what to do BUT would really really advise that you don't keep on your phone the message thread from him at all. Risk of temptation to read old messages / mull it over will be too much and maybe not worth keeping that 1 there.

Onto your new life - BE EXCITED!

When I was still obsessing over an ex who cheated the best piece of advice I ever had was to try and pause before ANY action involving him - checking his social pages / old messages / profile pics / even linked in - and every songle time ask yourself CAN ANY GOOD COME FROM ANY OUTCOME OF THIS ACTION.

The answer is always no eg he's still in touch with her - you feel angry and sad. He isn't still in touch with her - you wonder if you were wrong and feel sad.

See? No good comes from keeping in touch with someone who made you feel shit about yourself. If you have no ties feel lucky and enjoy your new life. In a while trust me you'll be soooo glad you had a clean break dictated by you.

YESSS

Also I need to remember this bit...thank you TowelNumber42 it sounds like you know him!:

An arrogant cheater like him will be fucking livid at the idea of you not being that into him and you being quite relaxed about dumping him. You are supposed to be a wreck. You are supposed to be desperate for his manliness. Nah. Not feeling it mate. Bye. Mwah ha ha. Practice your do I look bovvered? attitude.

I want to add it here, because it explains so many behaviours by men towards (especially newly divorced) women.

He banked on me being a wreck. He was really hoping I would weaken. In the end, he was the weak one. He put himself under so much pressure that he kept forgetting information, or forgetting how to defend himself, sometimes repeating things, sometimes concocting stupid stories.

He speeded things up too early, trying to make rules or ingratiate him with my DCs. LUCKILY I read great advice about this on here and kept them separate. He wanted me hooked. He did a lot to ingratiate himself into our family unit. Because it's harder to unhook if this man is a part of your kids' lives, right?!

When I set the rules and didn't jump to his tune (for instance he wanted to move some of his stuff into my house), he was taken aback. Of course, it may well be an ongoing problem for him. How to read a healthy future with someone. I kept telling (mostly myself) there is no rush, for the right partner.

I think when he realised he couldn't mess with me, he started up seeing these women/this woman. Maybe no

I had to post as laptop was dying, sorry!!

When he realised he couldn't mess with me, he started up seeing these women/this woman. Maybe nothing has happened yet (I doubt it), maybe he's still at the being tempted stage, but again, these are not consistent with the timings.

Who cares, anyway? I am putting it here to remind myself, in moments of weakness.

Ok a reading list:
Paul McKenna Broken Heart book
The Woman's Assertiveness book (pinched from other thread I think?)
Will scour through for more...

I love it when MN women help other MN women. It really is special. Thank you xxx

You did well to get out now. Good boundaries, getting stronger every time, make the foundation of a happy future.

Are you using an iPhone? I know for sure you can block him without opening the message. And then delete the message thread without opening it so you don’t go and read it in a weak moment, it’s unnecessary to.