Dating thread 150 - I get knocked down, but I get up again....

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

sidge if he’s staying over I would assume it’s a relationship. It’s is bloody confusing. Mr SA messages me every day, starts off with asking how I am but often turns into sex talk. When he talks about “previous relationships” it seems most of them were based on sex, I think he assumes sex is the main thing in a relationship which is possibly why none of his relationships have lasted (most lasting 6 months or less). Until he can show me that he enjoys spending time with me without the sex I think I should assume it’s just FWB?

My issue is I the future as you never know how long a relationship will last haha
I will see other peoples relationships and they always look solid where is with me I just know that there's a shelf life.

I feel like when you're in to somebody that you've met online even if you're madly in love it just won't last.
Yeh am cynical.

Has anyone had the type of iron that isn’t into texting? Certainly nothing sexual. Seems a bit odd to me though he in person all is good he says he just doesn’t like messaging and would rather call me. Even on phone though he doesn’t talk sex. Normal??!?

And I rarely even get to the love stage.

Unique I think you’ve just got to go with flow and enjoy time together so if it lasts it lasts and if not then it wasn’t meant to be. Lots of people stay together who have met online. Positive thoughts 👊🏻

unique yes I find it hard to believe that anything will last, to be fair the early dating stage and getting to know each other is the fun bit, after that it kind of fizzles out. I usually get to the stage where they start staying over and and then I realise I don’t want someone sharing my space and all my time.

Maybe you can’t call it a relationship until you use the ‘L’ word?

I always used to think if you got to the three months. It would equal a relationship.

Men often say the l word after 3 months.
Bit too soon for me. But who knows.

FWB rules... FML! I am struggling with this at the moment... or maybe it's just Mr S that is confusing things.
Hale blows hot and cold. Makes me feel amazing when I'm with him, asks for exclusivity, piles the pressure on. I tell him to back off a bit, I just want some fun. Then I see him again and he is Mr perfect. I agree to exclusivity/fab relationship style. Today he then went back to being full on, he's away on a business trip and is messaging to say he misses me and wishes I was there (we've only seen each other 4 times!!) I ignored it and messaged about something else and various chit chat... now he's being very 'off'...

I stayed with my FWB the other week - so that doesn't make a relationship in my mind. But equally he isn't my happy ever after. Sex is great though.

Thanks for the advice 're approaching exclusivity. In the end we did go out....first time out together and it was probably the best first 'date' I've ever been on and forgot about having the chat. Doh. But we're seeing each other on Saturday and I can't wait!

That does sound full on 30something after 4 dates. And clearly doesn’t match how you feel. Would you consider ending things?

My FwB won’t stay here as I have kids. But does shag me whilst the kids are in bed and I’ve stayed at his. None of it makes much sense to me. But I do know it’s not real and I have to watch my feelings. I’m responsible for making sure I don’t get hurt.

A few new chats on Bumble but nothing very promising.

FWB is a minefield, we're seeing each other at least twice a week, texting several times a day, talk on the phone most days, affectionate kisses and cuddles as well as amazing sex and not seeing anyone else (well I'm not and don't think he is).

I'd be happy with this as a relationship, I don't want to live with anyone, we've both got work and kids so it works for both of us to keep some separation, but how you make the change from FWB to a relationship I don't know.

He's not happy that I'm back on the dating apps but I'm not going to be here for sex and company on tap if he's still looking around and possibly meeting other woman. Trouble is I need to follow through and go on some dates otherwise I'm just playing games and I don't really want to because I like him. FFS.

likeridingabike do you know he is still looking? Have you asked him?

I replied to Mr Artist to say if found the way he ended the evening rude but he’d given me another bad date story. I feel better for not just ghosting and now I’ve deleted the chat and can forget about him :)

It sounds like a lot of us are stuggling!

I'm bored. Bored of beginning something, getting to know blokes, making the effort, getting my hopes up. Starting all over again.
I don't even think taking a break from OLD would help as I don't think anything would change!
Mr Gardener has his son this w/e but not the next. So, I could see MrRY but I don't know if he's got enough about him to keep my interest, even tho the sex was good. Suppose I should find some more irons but my enthusiasm is dying here.

notcoolmum I don't know if he's still looking and I'm a bit afraid to ask tbh in case I mess up what we have by getting too serious.

@Notcoolmum yes, in a way I want to stop things, but he is SO good in bed, he has similar kinks, it's the best sex I've ever had, I can't lie there is definitely chemistry and connection between us. Each time I think of pulling the plug he seems to draw me in again
He's now just asked if I want to go to a comedy gig with him!... he's confusing and a little intimidating (in a good way I suppose) at times.
The problem I have is that I find most other men boring, they don't keep my attention like Mr S does... who knew FWB could be so complicated

Back from my Fab date. We just met for a drink but got on really well. Found lots to talk about.
He asked to see me again and of course I said yes. But work, life etc means it won't be for over a week.

Next time will be at his place. 😁.
But I failed to get his surname. Completely forgot to ask. However I did share my WA location with a friend. So I know that works.

Yeah Shit but a normal date is an interview for sex too really, isn't it. I see it as one

I mean, I'm there thinking yes I'll try you out. Or not.

a normal date is an interview for sex too really, isn't it
Of course it is. But I wouldn't normally talk about dick pics and swinging clubs on a first normal date 😂

That was him, not me. I just listened then said 'erm, I think you've got a lot more experience of this than me'.
Didn't seem to bother him.

Cassettes or anybody else can you explain the so plays a bit into my D/s interest (apparently it's a DD/bg thing) I can normally work out the various acronyms but this has me stumped :)
That aside I'd appreciate a female perspective from those who are or have wavered over starting dating again as I think I'm just finding excuses not to, mainly because I'm nervous about putting myself out there having spent the last 23 years with the same person.
Apologies if this turns into a long ramble...
I'm not sure what I want to be honest, I miss female companionship as well as sex, but throughout my life I've really only enjoyed sex when I've cared about someone. ONS have just never done anything for me, so I know a FB is not for me.
It doesn't sound like a FWB is for me either, although clearly the definition of this can be confusing. But actually a FWB would probably fit my lifestyle well, as I'm not looking for a new mum for my son or somebody to live with. I'm perfectly happy as I am, my son spends half of the week with me and I have an active social life. So it's not like I need somebody to fill this gaping void in my life, but I would like to meet somebody, I just don't know what that should look like.
Anyway it's this confusion about what I want that's stopping me actually putting up an OLD profile or even pursuing opportunities in real life.
I met somebody at an event I'm working at yesterday, then bumped into her in a nearby pub after. A couple of hours of chatting and drinking, getting on well, and I (clearly surprisingly to her) just made my excuses and left.
I then spent the rest of the evening thinking wtf are you doing, you're staying in a hotel a 2 min walk away, she was clearly interested. All I could think was it's just a ONS and you never enjoyed them.
But should I just be getting myself back out there and seeing what happens without putting any pressure on the potential outcome, argh confused!!
The other thing that bothers me about OLD is the multiple conversations, multiple dates... that just isn't for me. I think I'd need to be a one at a time person.
Sorry it has turned into a ramble :) hopefully somebody can give me an encouraging shove in the right direction.