Dating thread 150 - I get knocked down, but I get up again....

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@cassettesarecool I can finish my 2 stone by then.

You raise a good point though about meeting someone else’s standards.

If he hadn’t known me before maybe I wouldn’t care.

That being said I don’t look or feel like myself at this weight and certainly not sexy x

Notcool I think that’s probably the route Mr SA will go down, I’m scared to question him too much as I know I’m going to get hurt. I have tried hard not to over invest and have played it cool but I do really like him, his POF profile did state “want to date but nothing serious”, on the other hand he has dropped hints that he wants to stay over for a weekend and has asked how long I would wait to introduce someone to my kids. So I’m totally confused.

@notcool that’s a hard one for sure

@Gothamgirl1970 have you tried maybe just being honest with him? I can't imagine he'd judge you for that as it sounds like you've been through a lot?

@Lovemusic33 if it were me I probably wouldn't question unless you're prepared for him to bolt? But I'd really try and keep your options open which may be difficult considering how much you like him.

I’m not surprised you are confused lovemusic. What is it that makes you think he doesn’t want a relationship. I totially thought we we’re in one and introduced him to my kids (they are older teens) so what he said totally threw me. I’m still not sure if I’ve done the right thing hanging on but I really enjoy spending time with him.

Good lord @shitwithsugaron he's saying this before even meeting!! Get those running shoes on!

@Tulipsfromamsterdam1 step back. But try this message (from dating guru Matthew Hussey) - I think he is quite brilliant.

"I'm sensing some confusion from you, so I'm going to take some time, as I don't want to get closer to someone who doesn't know what they want".

Check him out on YouTube! He says don't put the ball in his court, as that just gives him all the options. This is cool, makes it clear you are still interested but he could lose you if he doesn't sort it out soon, shows you could get closer to him but also has a little sting in the tail about his flakiness.

I've not tried it myself but I totally will in that situation again!

@itsamiracle2015 I’m not sure how I’d broach that. “I’m fat now”?
A lot of it is how I feel about myself. Not pretty or confident

How did you get back in touch? Were you in some sort of relationship when you knew each other before? I'm guessing he's the one that's asked to see you?

NotCool it might be just me over thinking things but at the moment he seems more interested in the sex than anything, we deffently have a huge chemistry in the bedroom and if I hadn’t have been in this position many times before I would say he has feelings for me but then men have a great way of making you think that so they can get what they want? I don’t think he’s ever really been in a serious relationship apart from when he was married for a short time but he says the last woman he was in a relationship with really hurt him as she dumped him, they had only been together 6 months. He seems to have lots of plans that just involve him, doesn’t make plans to do things with me but when I tell him I’m out somewhere he will say “wish I was there, maybe we can go together one day” but then doesn’t mention it again.

lovemusic incense you are dtd it does change things doesn’t it. It sort of becomes the focus of meeting up and then I get paranoid it’s the only reason he wants to see me.

Do you talk a lot in between dates? Mr S texts me good morning and good night most days and texts me throughout the day.

@Lovemusic33 I know you weren't replying to me but do you think you'd be able to see him just on a FB basis? But still continue OLD dating? I worry you're going to get hurt, and want you to be more in control of this than him.

I agree with itsamiracle. We had agreed exclusive but I feel he’s totally shifted the goalposts so I’m back on the apps and dating. Nothing promising so far though. Sadly they have made him look better so far!!! But it helps me from over investing. Even though in honesty I’m sulking as I’m not seeing him this weekend

@itsamiracle2015 he was my solicitor!

Lost the second half

He got in touch with me to say now that he wasn’t representing me anymore and was moving firms if I would like to go out on a date with him that he fancied and liked me and thought I’d be good for him

Ooh gothamgirl that’s kind of exciting. How come it’s been 2 years?

Thank you all for making me so welcome. I’ve swiped a bit online these last few days but my heart isn’t in it.

I think i will ring tonight and ask how he is, assuming he answers. If he’s distant with me, I need to say that i’m here but that I can sense he needs space and I don’t want to feel that i’m chasing after someone who isn’t interested. After tonight, if I have no joy, I will step right back and leave him alone for a week or two without making contact unless he initiates it. It is so frustrating when you know it is just male pride stopping him from letting me back in.

Gothamgirl don't worry about the weight - he obviously likes you. If you feel self conscious you can always make a comment about the fact that you are on a diet. I am about 10 to 12lb heavier than I would like to be and I told a couple of guys I dated that I was doing Weigthwatchers. They both told me that I look fine.

@notcoolmum I haven’t needed a solicitor since he acted on my behalf 2 years ago.

I’m 3 stone bigger and I told him I’m on a diet @lilyrose

@tulips welcome

It's so hard to reply to everyone I want to, but I'm loving the thread today lol. shitwith I think Mr rugby is saying that he doesn't see you as "Friends with benefits" you are "Friends who will hopefully be more". He's on the same page as you but a little more cautious / laid back i think.

man4 great update, so happy things are going well for you.

ant I was looking in your age range and am happy to look at your profile and chime in.

Gotham welcome to the thread! If you want to lose weight to feel comfortable and confident then that's fine, but don't feel you need to to be attractive to this man. It's is you he wants to date, and you must have made a real impression for him to ask you out after 2 years. A few extra pounds won't matter.

tulips I would do as others have suggested and leave him a last message leaving lines of communication open then step right back and move on. I'm sorry, it sounds really hard.

@dancing thanks

@shit I agree with dancing. I think he wants to date you like a gf

@shit no offence taken. I think I might have done if he hadn’t made the comment (twice!) that he didn’t fancy curvy or plus size women

Gotham why not just meet up asap? Explain what you have here, doing the whole weight loss thing etc (are you doing it for you or for him?) & see what happens?

@comedyboobs I will think about it. I haven’t dated since my husband committed suicide 15 years ago so I’m very insecure