Dating thread 150 - I get knocked down, but I get up again....

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

That is a very confusing way of putting things @shitwithsugaron. I have no idea how you’d begin to figure out what he means without directly asking. Maybe that’s what he was hoping you’d do.

I hope the conversation goes well, @likeridingabike.

It’s Friday night and I hope everyone is going out on lots of dates and making lots of posts from the loo.

I will be home walking on the spot not eating yummy food so I can lose weight to date Mr Justice.

He’s asked me out for Wednesday which is going to be a no because it would not give me a chance to get to a comfortable weight. That will take 8 weeks)

I can’t think of a reason to tell him that I can’t date for 8 weeks. Not wanting to look like a baby elephant isn’t exactly what I want to say!

For those of you who are DTD with your dates, if you hadn’t DTD for years before, would you mention it or keep stum?

Good luck to everyone going on dates tonight, I’m working . Mr SA is being flakey so I’m unsure what’s going on or if I’m seeing him Tuesday, if not then I might have to pay Mr Young a visit. I’m missing not being on the apps, they kind of keep me busy in the evenings when I’m stuck at home.

Gothamgirl don’t worry about your weight, he’s seen a photo of you right? A lot of guys don’t care about weight. I get obsessed with how men will think I look when we meet, how I look naked when we first dtd but I think sometimes we just worry too much.

@shitwithsugaron how he said that is pretty much what I'm looking for from a man. Essentially let a relationship naturally unfold is how I would read that? So not necessarily just FWB but FWB with the potential for more? I might be completely wrong though.

@Gothamgirl1970 I wouldn't worry about the weight when it comes to men if I'm honest. However, if it's making you feel really insecure then maybe hold off on OLD for a while? I hadn't had sex for a year prior and I definitely didn't mention it. Like riding a bike 😉

shit have you dtd with Mr Rugby? I think it’s too soon for him to be commenting about multi dating especially when he just sees you as ‘on our way to being friends’. Why are men so fucking confusing, he sounds similar to Mr SA, he made a point of telling me he had come off the apps, emptied that we are exclusive but then said “I don’t think we should put a name on what we have” 😐.

I told my date I hadn't DTD for a while. Turns out she hadn't for about 6 years!

marlboro I do hope it’s not my Mr Scouse 😱
shitwith is stop talking to that one. How crazy to try and insist you only talk to him when you haven’t even met. He needs to read this thread!!
gothamgirl don’t worry about your weight, he clearly wants to meet you. I hadn’t dtd for years but didn’t say anything. It was fine.

lovemusic Mr SA reminds me a bit of Mr Scouse. He told me he’d deleted tinder, wasn’t seeing anyone else so I followed suit. Then he tells me he can’t commit to a relationship right now. I’m still processing this, badly!!

No dates for me this weekend. Too tired/hungover today. Mr S is busy tomorrow and I’m out with friends Sunday. Chatting to a new iron Mr Ginger. Moved to WA but no mention of a date yet.

Hope not notcool
gotham I would go for it. We all have body hang ups but I don’t think men care.

Mr Scouse ( from today) messaged to say he would like to see me again!

Out with the girls tonight for dinner and then meeting another new iron from fab for a drink after 😂 let you know his it goes!!

Can I join please. I have been seeing someone casually off Tinder for six months and I’ve fallen from him. He seemed to be heading that way and started distancing himself saying he had nothing to offer. He is broke and going through a divorce and since his latest setback, has been very hot and cold with me. He admits he is depressed and shutting people out and that it isn’t me. He seems very down on himself, lacking his sex drive and not looking after himself.

I’m not sure if to keep regularly ringing /messaging him every few days or if to step right back and do nothing. I’m torn between chasing to show that I care but not wanting to look clingy. I’m constantly second guessing myself and have no idea what to do.

but then said “I don’t think we should put a name on what we have”

Did you point out that makes him sound like a dreadful cliche?

I’m torn between chasing to show that I care but not wanting to look clingy. I’m constantly second guessing myself and have no idea what to do.

That sounds like hard work.

But, as it’s been 6 months of dating (albeit casually), it might be worth talking about with him. But, at the same time, it’s only been 6 months so it really should not be this hard. So if he’s not going to improve, maybe it’s time to call it a day and see other people. He might just not be in a place to actually be dating right now.

tulips I would step back. He doesn’t sound in a good place to be dating

@Tulipsfromamsterdam1 as hard as it is I would take a step back. Allow him the space to get his mind (and life by all accounts) in a better place.

I was thinking of doing nothing for a week and then getting in touch. He is a mess at the moment which is why I want to be supportive. It’s hard because I just want to ring and check he’s ok but when I do sometimes he’s really pleased to hear from me and opens up for hours and other times he can’t get off the phone fast enough.

@lovemusic33 he met me in person 2 years ago. He has told me he isn’t into plus size women and at the moment I am +++ hahaha

shit I would be confused too! But since its a few weeks till you can meet again it does make sense to go back on the apps.

tulips agree with others, I'd pull riggghhht back. But rather than do just that id likely send a message first saying somethibg along the lines of...you're sensing he's having some difficulties so you're going to leave him to have some space to think. If he wants to chat...he knows where you are. I say that because so many people will let someone else get in touch while they wallow about never making a choice, just leaving you in limbo. After 6 months that's not fair. So....id honestly say it's probably you who has to draw a line. Move on but let him know he has the choice to stay in touch

Gotham I told my first OLD guy I hadn't DTD for, what, 10 years and he was just so lovely about it - took it slowly and all on my terms, kept checking I was OK, just such a gent. It was amazing and really built my confidence. Also, I agree with others - don't put off a date to lose weight, in my experience men just don't care and it sounds like he has sought you out so he really won't care.

Tulips I think you should move on from this guy, though there's nothing stopping you being his friend and checking in on him.

@itsamiracle2015 I’m not on OLD I only signed up to FAB with a hidden profile so I could keep up with the thread. I’m in a rebuilding year since gaining weight over the last 24 months after a hysterectomy and being hit by a motorcycle!

@notcoolmum thanks I haven’t in over a decade I’m hoping everything still works!

@marlboro thanks for the support

Gotham cross posted - that's an awkward one. if you do put it off for 8 weeks, how will you explain that? Will you really lose enough weight in that time to meet his exacting standards? And is that really how you want to start off, changing yourself for someone else?

@Tulipsfromamsterdam1 I'd send one final message saying that he seems to need space and you are leaving the ball in his court. Tell him you are there if he needs you

@cassettesarecool we are in the same boat then!