Dating thread 150 - I get knocked down, but I get up again....

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

shitwith block block block!!

ItsAMiracle was it you who asked for info about OLD hit rates? I've had 7 first dates in all on OLD in a year. Only 2 did not progress beyond a first date - including, of course, Mr Tights lol! I met all the others within a week of starting to message, 2 of them within 24 hours in fact. Only spoke on the phone to one, and that did not progress. To me, the messaging is key - they've got to be quick-witted and keen, ask me questions and respond properly to mine. No sob stories (I'm such a bitch.) And they have to be open from the outset to flirting, but not in a 'get yer knickers off luv' way.

Its sorry I've no idea what my conversion rate from messaging to first dates was, guessing about 1 in 6 or so? I'm sure there must be published research about OLD, it would be interesting to know what the averages are.

Thanks CassettesAreCool. I'm struggling to find anyone quick witted if I'm honest. Not sure what I'm doing wrong 🙈. I'm chatting to maybe 10 guys and none are exciting (apart from 1 but he only wants a FB 🙄😂). And shit run away from that craziness.

6 dates @Marlboroandmalbec34! That’s very impressive. I agree you’ll need a spreadsheet.

My OLD experience yielded absolutely no amusing stories (alas). I had one total time waster/pen pal who set up dates (in the pub round the corner from his house) then disappeared in the days running up to them twice. And I had 3 actual dating experiences. 2 really dull coffee dates - one was nice, but no spark at all (for me; he was super keen); the other was just rubbish (yet he still wanted a second date).

The 3rd was MrSG. That obviously progressed onto a second, third and 57th date. 😆 I think I was lucky though (because honestly the odds of finding anyone else who actually wants to laugh at watch bizarre Korean drama on Netflix with me seem low). I can very easily see how I could have ended up spending years going on a slow trickle frustrating first (and only) OLD dates.

Not as many as you lot seemed to manage though - I didn’t seem to manage to accumulate many irons at any point. I can’t imagine ever managing to find 6 irons at once, never mind getting them to arrange dates in the same weekend. Even if I decided to apply the swipe right on everyone technique, I wouldn’t have managed to find 6 irons at the same time. I seemed to have a pretty dismal match rate.

@shitwithsugaron god don't bother. You haven't even met!

@TooOldForThis67 sounds like you have found exactly what I'm looking for. Although if it came my way I'd run a mile probably. My marriage was so dull and suffocating I'm bloody terrified.

Well I've gone from my one rather young iron mr toyboy to about 3 today! How does that happen!?

I've agreed unwillingly to meet mrhon. But anyone who calls me a pet name is not going to happen.

Mr boat who I was dating gif aboyf 6 weeks wants to come over. Great sex. Too needy. Bit overwhelming and passive aggressive.

Currently en route to meet mrred who I matched with on tinder last night but have already sniffed a few times. Albeit 30 plus years ago!

Re crisps. Walkers ready salted with butter on.... 😳

shit agree with others re Mr Bumble-I’d just say to him that you’ve not even met yet!
For poster who asked re phone calls-the majority I have done messaging on app,quickly moved to WhatsApp,then a phone/video call - only 2 of those listed I can remember not calling first but still met quite quickly.
The problem for me is that I get on well with most on the phone - think hours long phone calls-so is easy to imagine there’s a potential spark when in reality there’s not. I probably completely overshare with people and my last relationship I managed a 6 hour FaceTime call before we’d even met-crazy!

Sniffed!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 snogged. Although I do like to check out a man's smell before I DTD

peanut well a man has got to smell nice 😆

Sniffed made me chuckle 😂. And I actually fair enough, nothing wrong with a sniff.

I don't know whether maybe I'm being too fussy with swiping and should swipe right more often. Some of the conversations are painfully dull, or way over keen for someone they haven't actually met. Starting to think it might be me that's the problem rather than them 🙈. Or I just need to go on more dates with people I'm not that sure on 🤷.

I definitely need someone who can give good messaging 😂 I like to speak on the phone before meeting to make sure decent messaging translates to decent conversation. Sometimes it doesn't so that avoids a wasted date! I also need irons to dance along the knife edge between sleazy sexting and flirting 😂 I like to know they're interested (this is where Mr Sailor fell down - he was perfectly nice but no flirting and no real indication that he fancied me, despite my best efforts in showing my interest). Mr Curry is doing well with this

its it’s definitely not you-when I was on the apps I rarely swiped right.Nothing wrong with being picky - from my experience here just don’t seem to be that many decent,genuine guys out there and then finding one with whom you have a mutual spark is even harder!

Coco me too - I have to make sure that I keep first phone conversations to 15-20 minutes! I get on with pretty much everyone so this is hard!

Shit you've not met?? He wasn't joking?? I would unmatch.

@shitwithsugaron anyone that send you an essay (especially a moralistic one) is not worth bothering with. Don’t question yourself at all.

That said, I was just not comfortable with multi-dating. Or even multi-chatting really. I was just too crap at at it really. I certainly wouldn’t judge anyone who did (and realistically it just how OLD works). But I was really dire at it. I think I’ve learned that I just am super monogamous by nature - even in the figuring out if I want a relationship phases. I think it’s because I can’t be bothered with the multitasking involved.

On age: I agree that it shouldn’t matter. But sometimes it seems to. And, again, I think it’s just a personal thing. I’ve pretty much always had relationships with people between 1 year older and 2.5 years younger than me. I just don’t seem to be interested in anyone outside a narrow age band. Maybe I’d have met someone older or younger and really liked them though. MrSG is a year older than me. But I’d like him whatever age he was.

That said, I have a nearly 19 year old son, so I think he’d be disgusted if I brought home a 23 year old. 😂 And I teach young adults which definitely makes me much less interested in people in their early 20s.

Peanut loving the sniffing idea, not so sure about crisps with butter on!

shitwithsugaron I agree run

Batshit 'Gives good messaging' made me laugh

I need to give myself a shake as I have totally let myself get hooked in to Mr TwoYears again, when I was meant to be no contact!!

I hate phone calls. I almost never phone anyone. Even MrSG. He did offer to call/video call before we met but I don’t really like talking on the phone (I’m an almost pathological phone avoider). In nearly 9 months I think I’ve spoken to MrSG maybe 5 times on the phone. And at least 3 were him phoning from his car to tell me about traffic.

I don’t think I give good messaging either. I’m really not at all flirtatious in messages. Even at this point in a relationship. MrSG has never tried any flirtation via message (never mind anything approaching sexting - although we have plenty of actual sex) either. So it appears we match in our messaging style there. He does send soppy messages though (and I like that). 😆

I found attempts at flirty (or smutty) messages before meeting someone a total turn off. MrTimeWaster kept trying to be suggestive and it really irritated me. Any time I said I was going swimming (think: sensible swimsuit, swim cap, goggles, lanes and laps) he’d try to be suggestive. I’d shut it down with factual information about the need to wear ear plugs to keep water out my ears.

I think I might actually be loads of people’s worst nightmare really. I think most of this thread would be annoyed with me.

Digestive biscuits with butter on are amazing. Crisps feels a bit left field.

Crisps are a bit left field. this thread is the highlight of my MN at the moment, it really is.

shit jeeesus. Maybe an essay in return about the fact that you aren't actually flipping dating him! 're. If you'd like to be exclusive with mr rugby ... can you bring it up or are you in an fwb situation and don't feel you Can?

I am back from my fab date. Will call him Mr Scouse. Very funny, good banter. Not sure if he fancied me. He wasn’t my usual type but he could probably laugh me into bed. I don’t know what happens now? We kind of just said bye then!!
So odd this multi dating and especially through fab as it’s kind of like interviewing for sex!

shit I would bin him off! Jeeez sounds controlling if you havnt even met!

A conversation with my fwb is planned for this weekend, it's begun by text but needs to be face to face. I don't actually want anything to change immediately other than we both stop talking to/dating other people, so we'll see how it goes. Things are currently well beyond the normal boundaries of fwb but as that's how we started navigating into a relationship seems tricky. I'm not actively dating other people but if this conversation doesn't result in agreeing to be exclusive I need to start backing off a bit and looking elsewhere.