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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 150 - I get knocked down, but I get up again....

999 replies

DaffoDeffo · 11/03/2019 15:28

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

OP posts:
CassettesAreCool · 13/03/2019 16:56

Yes, Love, lesson learned - my dogs are locked firmly away now, and I think I would have to insist on the same from any future guy. Don't get me wrong, I pmsl every time I remember this little scenario, but it has left me with a nervousness of cats because it was actually watching very, very intently [hmmm].

TooOldForThis67 · 13/03/2019 16:58

notcool - to be fair I have a 4 poster super kingsize bed and a smallish dog. They barely notice as are engrossed in what they are doing Grin.
To be fair, if it was a normal sized bed and a lab jumped up, well, that's not on, lol.

SortingItOut · 13/03/2019 16:59

I met a guy just as FB and he had 3 cats and a dog and he wanted to DTD while they were in the room, I was put off so he shut the dog out and kept the cats in and I just couldn't get into the swing of things.

If I eventually let someone to mine I will shut my dogs downstairs, although they usually share my bed so not sure how well that will go down with them (as in the dogs!!)

SortingItOut · 13/03/2019 17:05

TooOld
My problem is I have a king size bed but an American Bulldog and a Staff X Lab which doesn't leave much room for anyone else Smile

Maybe I just need a smaller dog

TooOldForThis67 · 13/03/2019 17:06

If he jumps up before we start, I can order him off but once we are in our stride it's less distracting to just let him be. I've not had any complaints.

TooOldForThis67 · 13/03/2019 17:06

sortingit - Oh gosh, yes, that's quite a handful! Lol.

leonasa · 13/03/2019 17:46

I keep the cats out generally, though once recently with an old iron I left the door open accidentally and suddenly he started pissing himself laughing mid thrust because the tomcat had got in and was sitting by the bed just staring at him.

Tbh I don't like having them in there, feels like I'm doing it in front of my children or something! ☺️

Crustaceans · 13/03/2019 17:51

Arf at stroking the cat mid other stroke. How offputting.

I don’t think I really understand all the FWB/FB/ ambiguous status stuff. Luckily I managed to bypass it, despite being a bit unsure what I wanted. Although I think by that I was just unsure who I wanted and once I’d found one I wanted to keep, I knew I was looking for a relationship.

Sadly I think most OLD men would have found me flakey and unclear. I did go into it on a ‘let’s see what happens’ basis. But I wasn’t all that keen about meeting most of the people I messaged.

We decided it was a proper relationship after DTD on date 2. Well I’d already decided and so had he. But we agreed we’d decided. He told me he’d deleted tinder because he didn’t think he needed it and would like to think of me as his girlfriend (if that was ok). I’m not sure I’d have been any good with anyone less willing to just say what his intentions were than MrSlightlyGinger.

I didn’t get a surname. Or a full name (he clarified which option it was short for on the first date). Once I’d decided that I was pretty sure I really liked him (during date 1, just before going in for the kiss 😆), I just asked for his surname and told him mine. I did meet him in a properly public place and kept in touch with a friend with loo updates.

On animals: I’m not an animal person. My kids are allergic to cats and dogs. And none of us is keen on animals (DS1 hates dogs). So I wouldn’t choose a relationship with an animal person. MrSlightlyGinger is also allergic to cats and dogs, so there’s no issue there.

Discussing how it would affect moving in would be offputting at a super early stage. Even jokingly it’s just not something you’d mention. It’s nearly 9 months in and MrSG has recently acquired the drawers in one of my bedside tables (the one on what I think of as ‘his’ side of the bed now). They’d been totally empty until then so it was mostly an ornamental because table. 😆 He keeps some spare contact lenses and pants in them.

ComedyBoobs · 13/03/2019 17:53

Oh lordy! Shock I have a couple of animals - no way are they invited into the bedroom. I shut them in the kitchen.

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 13/03/2019 17:56

MIA12 you travelled 120 miles! I hope it was a good meal. And knowing how far you travelled, I think he should've got his own beer.

Great stories about cats Love and Cassettes

A little update on Mr No Eye Contact. He's admitted that he was very nervous on our first date. Also that he can't keep up with my quick fire wit over text. Which explains why I feel like I'm texting my mum, sometimes.
We were supposed to be going out for a meal on Friday but he still hasn't suggested anywhere. He knows the area, I don't. But now he says we could have takeaway at his instead. I said no. I'd rather go out.

ItsAMiracle2015 · 13/03/2019 17:57

So last night's date was a little disappointing. He had definitely lied about his height (which I do get, but it's the only thing I'm picky about looks wise). He was nice enough but doesn't have children and he'd really struggle to get how different my life is. Plus not sure I felt any chemistry. He messaged this morning asking to meet again but I haven't replied yet (will do tonight at some point). My least favourite bit about online dating. I actually hate it. Always feel like a horrid person.

I'm not a cat person. Don't hate them or anything though 😂. I have 2 dogs 🤷. Also regarding asking for a surname, I'm pretty honest about it. Literally 'can I have your surname so I can give it to my sister in case you're a crazy person'. Never had anyone say no, I double check on FB that their name is their name as well.

ItsAMiracle2015 · 13/03/2019 17:59

Yeah it sounds like, if he was going Tesco anyway, that it was a money thing (as in you both contribute equally to the meal). But I'd have asked him for petrol money after getting his beer 😉. 120 miles. Cheeky fuck.

Crustaceans · 13/03/2019 17:59

It sounds like you are finding him to be somewhat lacking in dynamism. Hopefully he’ll choose somewhere nice and be much better in person this time.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 13/03/2019 18:31

Cassettes 😂😂

My cat would leave the room looking disgusted if there was any of that sexy stuff going on!

MyOld he bloody should go out with you!!

Asked Mr Curry to meet me for a coffee and he's said yes 😊

ComedyBoobs · 13/03/2019 18:38

I have a coffee date a week Saturday, with MrElba Grin possibly might make it sooner if work commitments on both sides allow.

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 13/03/2019 18:41

BatshitCrazyWoman he should bloody well man up and decide where we are going.
My ex-husband was a ditherer, could never make a decision.

However I have said I'll drive. Logistically it makes sense. That'll probably scare him off!

ComedyBoobs · 13/03/2019 18:58

myold what was his reaction when you said no to a take away?

I've had this message (on fab): 'I would like to meat your flesh'... He's Italian, maybe something got lost in translation? GrinHmm

SonataDentata · 13/03/2019 18:59

Haha this reminds me of a first date I went on, years ago, where he informed me that: “Your cats aren’t an issue for me because you can always get rid of them if we end up together.” Needless to say, there was no second date!!!

Crustaceans · 13/03/2019 19:09

@SonataDentata He sounds like a total prince among men. What a thing to say to a cat owner.

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking MrSG is a bit of a ditherer but I’m not any better at making arbitrary decisions. We’re both good at decisions that matter, but are rubbish at ‘what do you want to eat?’. So we just have to put up with each other. 😂

WotcherHarry · 13/03/2019 19:11

RE: the cats thing - I’m allergic but have dated people with cats before, just took antihistamines before I went to their places! Easy enough... I would be wary of anyone that dislikes animals.

So my last dating experience was with a guy who was a fair bit older than me (I’m 32 and he was 46), we got on really well. He was into a lot of the same things that I am - written a couple of books which was interesting - into martial arts, lived locally, was very keen. I was actively slowing him down. He bought me flowers on the last time that we met up pre sex - suddenly changed tack once we’d DTD which makes me think that he was enjoying the chase and makes me wonder if he is more manipulative than I’d initially realised. So that is all finished and I threw the copy of his book away (didn’t want it around and didn’t want to invite drama by returning it). That was a couple of weeks ago now.

I was going to have a break but have decided to have a little go on Tinder. If anyone wants to have a look at my profile then that’d be great 👍🏻

WotcherHarry · 13/03/2019 19:11

For feedback I mean!

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 13/03/2019 19:11

ComedyBoobs He just said "I don't mind where we eat, you just say what you fancy".
I was torn between getting angry because I don't know the town we're going to or saying "I fancy you but not if you can't make a simple decision".
In the end I changed the subject by offering to drive.

Crustaceans · 13/03/2019 19:31

It would be annoying if he didn’t suggest somewhere in his own town. Tbf, MrSG did suggest places for the first few dates. His natural indecisiveness only came out once I had gotten to know him. But I find it fine. I’d by hypocritical if I’d did.

It would be annoying trying to OLD date someone who won’t suggest an actual location for a date. It’s different being a bit indecisive about whether you want wine or beer with your boyfriend of many months.

Lovemusic33 · 13/03/2019 19:37

Does anyone else get annoyed yes when someone messages you, asks you a question, you answer and then they don’t reply? You can see they have read your message and are online. I’m probably being over sensitive as I have had a shit day and have PMT but why message someone asking how they are and how their day has gone but then not reply to their answer? I just sent another message sarcastically saying “anyway, hope you had a good day xxxx”.

ComedyBoobs · 13/03/2019 19:45

myold that would drive me round the twisters. Sounds like you'd be making all the decisions.

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