My husband has just hit me

[namechange101145]

We had a big argument this afternoon, about a non issue, that escalated.
I went into our bedroom for some space, he followed me, I kept asking him to please just go away, he refused and kept shouting. He grabbed my wrists and pinned me down and told me never to tell him to go away in his own home again.
I left to sort my horses out, returned an hour later.
Went into the kitchen and began making dinner, assuming he'd come in and apologise.
He came in screaming at me, calling me every name under the sun. He pretended he hadn't grabbed me and I was being a drama queen. I asked if he'd be ok if BIL did that to SIL (his sister)... "only if she deserved it, like you did."
I told him I was going, ran out to the kitchen to grab my coat and he grabbed me and shoved me. I fell against the fridge and hit my head, he was screaming and swearing at me and calling me a slag.
I ran and jumped into my car.
Currently said in my car by the beach.
I don't know what to do.
He's hit me before, twice, and received counselling for this.
My parents are currently on holiday. I'm 200 miles from my close friends/family.
I can't leave this area due to my horses.
I need to go home and get my stuff. I don't even have my purse.
I'm sat here crying and crying. I just don't know what to do or where to go.

@hellenbackagen what's a dvpn? They haven't mentioned this to me. They didn't really give me any options in honesty... just told me that he will be brought in for questioning this evening.

Domestic violence protection notice which goes to court to become a domestic violence protection order prohibiting your dh from living there for up to 28 days.
Only used tho where cps decide no charges, usually after arrest.

Sounds like he is not being arrested. Have they got you to sign a medical release form? For the hospital treatment?

There are 2 ways to go - arrest and go straight to cps while in custody or voluntary interview and cps later.

First offers you more protection. (Dvpn, bail conditions etc)

We have to arrest if any offence and partners live together in my force but sounds like yours doesn't have same policy. Not all do

Thinking of you op. been in a similar position - though not married. It doesn't get better. you are doing the right thing. please stay strong

So sorry this has happened to you

Well done for giving your statement. You are doing really well.

Are they aware that he has hit you before?

Could someone local look after the horses for a few days while you sort yourself out?

I work in the states as an RN and you can keep a patient in under observation not fully admitted and if they have no new symptoms be discharged early next day-or they just kept her in hospital overnight just in case as a way to protect her from her assailant-whatever the reason I'm glad the OP is safe and police are treating the assault seriously

That's really interesting thank you @hellenbackagen. I'm assuming they are taking the latter approach... do you think this is area specific (as you said?) or because he didn't beat me to a pulp per se? One hit, pushing/shoving and grabbing/pinning me on the bed.
Just out of curiosity, are you able to disclose what area you are in?

@GreenFingers I told them everything, they are aware of that.

I felt so strong after I went to the police and now I feel rock bottom again. I can't focus on work, I just can't stop crying. I'm not even a "crier." I can't remember ever crying this much in my entire life. I love him so much, we have a beautiful house, the most wonderful dogs and horses, both have good jobs, great lifestyles.... and he has completely ruined everything. How could he do that.

No words for you, other than how amazingly strong you are. You have made such a massive step towards a safer life. .

Ah OP, what you're feeling is totally normal. I was a victim in a previous relationship and after an assault I would veer between panic, shock, fear, disbelief, anger, rage, sadness, gut wrenching pain etc. etc.
You sound determined this time. But it's a whole helluva lot to take in. Expect to feel all over the place for the next 24 hours at least. Then it settles down. The police will come and arrest him this evening. They will possibly hold him overnight (but perhaps the police officer commenting could confirm - also depends on how good his solicitor is I suspect - assuming he has one).

I found confiding in my sister/father/Mum helpful. My sister the most probably.

It's brilliant that you have your job.
The police will let you know how they're getting on - they will also ask a Victim team to call you for any support you might need - please be sure to ask them for any support/guidance/advice you require.
I know it feels like this is a massive decision left entirely in your hands. But it's not. He made the decision when he raised his hands to you last night.

To the nurse querying the discharge time, the OP wouldn't have been admitted, just kept in A&E overnight for observation, so there wouldn't be doctors rounds really, just the doctors on at the time. I've been discharged at 4am! And why the hell would she need a psych team?? She's not the one who did anything wrong?

None of those things are worth anything at all if he kills you OP. He hurt you and isn't even sorry. And he's cleverly avoided apologising in text as it means he's not implicating himself. He is dangerous.

You will go on to have an amazing and fulfilling life. Even better than the one you had a few weeks ago 😊

Also - please prepare yourself for him denying this to the police!!
Mine tried every trick in the book. E.g. on one occasion he rammed me into a wall head first. He told police that he was trying to get me out the door and I was pushing back against him and fell. As I said to the officer, if I was pushing back and fell, I wouldn't have gone head first into a wall. I didn't pursue that one incidentally.......

Well done op. One foot in front of the other

I was in a very similar position as you 6 years ago. They arrested him and cautioned him for assault. Thankfully he chose to leave the house and he never came back. Everything was sorted via solicitors.
I remember thinking what a dick he’d been, he lost all this, threw away our lovely life for the sake of throwing his weight around. But I knew I couldnt let him get away with it. There was no forgiveness, I couldn’t show my dc it was ok to be pushed around. I knew in myself that, at that moment, I was never going back. It was tremendously hard, but you will survive op

And another thing I'd prepare yourself for is questioning the severity of what happened. You'll go over it and over it in your head. You'll even find yourself thinking that you provoked him and maybe deserved it. Mine usually left me with at least a black eye, so a mirror was a good reminder. For you, remind yourself that you had to go to A&E. That's something concrete to remember when you start to doubt yourself.

@namechange101145 Well done you are being so brave! You can do this, you are strong 💗 xx

@namechange101145 your whole world has turned upside down in the past 24 hours. I'm not surprised you're upset. Be kind to yourself, and just get through today. Take it an hour at a time if that helps. Take it 10 mins at a time if you need to.

The fact that you've reported it AND still trying to work I think is pretty amazing. Could you call your best friend again for some moral support?

I hope this evening goes well and that he leaves peacefully.

As @7Pip said, don't start minimising it, or let him minimise he. He hurt you to the point of going to A&E. He scared you to the point that you ran out of the house without a purse.

You are absolutely doing the right thing, even if it feels like shit right now. We're here for you.

Well done ! I clocked also that he hadn’t admitted anything in the text he sent you. He is smart enough not implicate himself in writing. I predict that he is going to be furiously backpedaling now. Don’t let him persuade you that this wasn’t serious. You have it all written down here in black and white.
I would also think that you are still suffering from shock and exhaustion now. Maybe make a trip to your GP to be signed off work it would give yourself a break to deal with this. ( if possible if you are not self employed.)

Thank you all, gosh you really all are so brave I am so glad I posted last night, else I probably would have just come home and tried to pretend it didn't happen.

@7Pip you've hit the nail on the head. I am terrified he is going to completely deny it and I'm going to look like a raving psychopath. Luckily, both his siblings plus my parents know what he did before, and he admitted it to them. I forgot to ask the police what would happen to him if he admitted it/didn't admit it... it simply is one word against the other.

Thank you all so much for being here.

Be prepared for the emotional manipulation once it hits him that he's fucked up. The sorry, the it'll never happen again, the tears. It's very convincing because they believe their own bullshit.

If he denies it, he can't accept a caution and it will go to court (that can take a while). Police will probably take further statements from you, in light of whatever he tells them. That waiting time between now and court is dodgy territory and pretty high risk for you taking him back - I did after 6 weeks, despite having gone to initial bail hearing, making a statement to police, getting a barring order etc. etc. Then the reality of the pragmatics can set in. Financial stress, loneliness etc. Lets not go there yet though. See what he says at interview. Take it from there. You're being very brave. I know it's fucking awful and you wish you could just turn back the clock.

it simply is one word against the other.

The nurse and staff at the hospital will have written in your notes the upset state you were in. The police have taken you seriously.

He has previous for doing this to you before and you have witnesses to back you up.

This is why he will backpedal like fury and wheedle and try and minimise it. Good luck; keep us posted.

Have you got a bag packed and provisional hotel reservation done just incase you need one? You need a lovely peaceful sleep and a hot meal so make that a priority for now xx

Had you any injuries that the police could photograph? Fingerprint bruising around wrists or similar?

@KennyCalmIt when my previous partner tried to kill me, I got them to stitch up my stab wounds, dress the rest and then left. They weren't fussed. I just discharged myself. They didn't argue it or anything. I assumed that was normal procedure. I discharged myself somewhere around 3/4am. Maybe it varies area to are.

I just wanted to say you’re being so brave and strong, as hard as it is don’t back down x