My husband has just hit me

[namechange101145]

We had a big argument this afternoon, about a non issue, that escalated.
I went into our bedroom for some space, he followed me, I kept asking him to please just go away, he refused and kept shouting. He grabbed my wrists and pinned me down and told me never to tell him to go away in his own home again.
I left to sort my horses out, returned an hour later.
Went into the kitchen and began making dinner, assuming he'd come in and apologise.
He came in screaming at me, calling me every name under the sun. He pretended he hadn't grabbed me and I was being a drama queen. I asked if he'd be ok if BIL did that to SIL (his sister)... "only if she deserved it, like you did."
I told him I was going, ran out to the kitchen to grab my coat and he grabbed me and shoved me. I fell against the fridge and hit my head, he was screaming and swearing at me and calling me a slag.
I ran and jumped into my car.
Currently said in my car by the beach.
I don't know what to do.
He's hit me before, twice, and received counselling for this.
My parents are currently on holiday. I'm 200 miles from my close friends/family.
I can't leave this area due to my horses.
I need to go home and get my stuff. I don't even have my purse.
I'm sat here crying and crying. I just don't know what to do or where to go.

Hi OP just checking in to see how you are...
Those who have been here before me... thanks you are so, so brave.
Yep, and you too. You'll look back on this one day and be awed by your own strength, as hard as that may be to believe right now. Hugs.

It is hard. But you have to remind yourself that abuse always escalates. Always. So if you weaken and have him back you will be walking on eggshells, watching what you say, what you do, being very careful not to 'trigger' him again. You will never be able to relax because you know that the minute you let your guard down it will happen again, only worse.

So keep being strong. Keep that line in the sand and don't let him cross over it.

Please keep the pregnancy news from him.

My best friend was married to an abusive man and managed to get away from him with her baby. With the court's and police , social services and CAMHS help he was not allowed near them.

But he is a wealthy man and has used his formidable defence team not only to gain access to see his child but then to have him stay over, and then finally to have shared residency.

These stage by stage court cases that he has brought have pretty much bankrupted my friend. She has always worked and so is ineligible for legal aid and has had to remortgage her home to fight him.

For the last few court cases he has brought she has had to represent herself as there is no money left.

The courts see it as important that a child establishes a good relationship with their father despite what damage he might have done to the mother.

They say that is putting the interests of the child first.

So please be very wary of this. My friend will never be free of her abusive ex because of their child.

If he fights for the rights to see and have a relationship with his child (even if it just another way to control/coerce/intimidate you) then please don't think anything like a temporary restraining order will help you in the long term because it won't.

Lots of strength to you op

I'm so sorry OP.
You've been through a lot and have done so so well.
I hope the police are helpful.
Well done on getting yourself to A&E and speaking to your friend. That's a huge step.
This will be so hard, but stay strong.
(((((HUGS)))))

I'm glad you're ok OP.

So... as far as he knows, you left last night with a head injury and haven't been seen since, and he's not tried to contact you or find you?

That says it all.

I am sorry if what I'm going to say now is painful, but please think very hard about whether carrying on with this pregnancy is the right thing for you, or a baby.

You will never be free of him.

Last night was his reaction to you daring to want to walk away from him for some space in your own home. You were left in no doubt that you are not allowed to do that in this man's world - 'don't you ever tell me to go away in my own home ever again'. You were punished.

Can you imagine how this man would make your life, and the life of your child, one long punishment for daring to leave him? What kind of father her would be?

He would fight you for contact and he would get it, domestic violence or not, sadly.

You don't need to look far on here to find many stories from women who have gone through and continue to go through hell trying to protect and nurture children they ar eforced to see damaged and affected by co-parenting with violent, controlling, vicious men. No they don't put their children first. Yes they do treat their children badly. Yes they do realise just how much they have you by the balls when they have access to your children and they ruin lives and ruin childhoods.

You will never be free of his influence for the rest of your life, new relationships, other children notwithstanding.

I can see from your posts that you want a baby and it's a hard thing to say but please, think very very carefully.

See what the police offer to do when you give your statement. They may offer to be present when your DH comes home and stay whilst he packs a suitcase. If he refuses (depending how it goes), you will need to be prepared to go somewhere else tonight. Just prepare yourself for the various ways things may pan out. Remember that your DH doesn't know where you have been, etc so he may not have thought through what could happen.

You are very brave, OP. You sound like a very strong woman and you can do this.

I don't know if there's anything I can do but I'm in Devon.

No, it's not easy to walk away. It's very hard.

Sending you lots of love and positivity. You've been incredibly strong and brave. Be prepared for him to give you all sorts of excuses and promises to change, especially once he knows about the baby. Please don't listen to him. He's done this to you more than once, he'll do it again. Follow this through for yourself, and for your unborn child x

If you are newly pregnant, you could opt to not name him on the birth certificate. This would help you to escape him. Are you married?

Op, i have been lurking and cheering you on from the sidelines. You’ve done so so so well.
As someone who also got out well done. You’ve come so far.
Please do pursue the police, especially given your pregnancy news. You’ll need that additional protection (and legal aid) that can offer. I know it’s easier said than done. But you need that.

It is hard so hard but you are doing great. You are being incredibly brave and strong.

To previous posters - they are married, with a house - she will have to have contact with him and if she goes ahead with the pregnancy he will soon be aware of it. And as such he will automatically have parental rights (shudder) - she certainly won't be able to divorce him before the birth sadly. Op won't be in a position to 'escape' his link to the baby.

@namechange101145 what a horrible experience for you.

Well done so much for getting to A&E and talking first to the nurse, then the police officer and also your best friend. This makes it 'real' and not something to be swept under the carpet or hidden as a shameful secret.

You sound very strong, but I know it's hard to walk away. What are your plans for after giving your statement? I know you can't leave the horses.

Could you pack him a bag and have the police there with you when he comes back after work?

Just make sure you are safe. Congrats on the pregnancy, but yes, don't tell him yet.

You're so strong and you can do this.

As someone who has been in two violent relationships in the past and managed to walk away, one by the skin of my teeth, I can tell you that you will regret nothing. A happy future is waiting for you, just keep being strong.

You've got this.

Xxxx

Sending so much love to you my lovely. I hope are you are doing as well as you could be in this situation. Well done for going to the police. Be kind to yourself. There will still be moments where you are sad and will miss him, and don't give yourself a hard time for that. You will grieve for the good, bit keep the bad in mind, that's what will keep you strong. Xx

Best of luck today OP. we're all rooting for you

wishing you good luck today, you are strong and you will be fine. I know it doesnt feel that way just now, but I promise, it will be ok.

Good luck! It really is hard

Best of luck OP

Has your H been in touch yet? Surely he must be wondering where you are?

Sending you lots of strength

will not tell him about the pregnancy, especially as I'm aware that 2 lines do not mean a baby

I’m confused by this.
I work in nursing. You wouldn’t have been given a pregnancy test that you buy from a shop. They don’t come up as two lines, either.
It’s routine to test for pregnancies aswell as other things. In our hospital it’s standard to test the urine of every female above the age of 12 regardless of whether there’s a chance of pregnancy or not. It would’ve been a dipstick test done by the nurse/hca after you gave a pee sample so I don’t get your ‘two lines’ comment? If the nurse/doctor has told you you’re pregnant then you are pregnant, however, it wouldn’t have been a ‘two lines’ pregnancy test?
I’m surprised they discharged you so early aswell especially before the doctors rounds.

Also, now that you are pregnant and have gone in for domestic violence, social services will most likely be involved as staff would’ve raised a SOVA. Police probably would’ve done so aswell.

Good luck for today. This man sounds vile and you and your baby are much better off without them. Work with social services as I will be very shocked if they aren’t involved.

@KennyCalmIt - OP had a miscarriage previously. Now do you understand?

@KennyCalmIt I think what op meant by 'two lines don't mean a baby' is that her previous pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and that a positive result doesn't always end in a baby.

However I agree with you on the discharging before drs rounds..

Have you posted before about your husband being very against you keeping horses, and being quite obstructive and unsupportive about them?

@KennyCalmIt I'm a nurse too and it is a two lines where I am. We have a pipette that we drop the urine on to the test with.