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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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My husband has just hit me

517 replies

namechange101145 · 10/03/2019 19:09

We had a big argument this afternoon, about a non issue, that escalated.
I went into our bedroom for some space, he followed me, I kept asking him to please just go away, he refused and kept shouting. He grabbed my wrists and pinned me down and told me never to tell him to go away in his own home again.
I left to sort my horses out, returned an hour later.
Went into the kitchen and began making dinner, assuming he'd come in and apologise.
He came in screaming at me, calling me every name under the sun. He pretended he hadn't grabbed me and I was being a drama queen. I asked if he'd be ok if BIL did that to SIL (his sister)... "only if she deserved it, like you did."
I told him I was going, ran out to the kitchen to grab my coat and he grabbed me and shoved me. I fell against the fridge and hit my head, he was screaming and swearing at me and calling me a slag.
I ran and jumped into my car.
Currently said in my car by the beach.
I don't know what to do.
He's hit me before, twice, and received counselling for this.
My parents are currently on holiday. I'm 200 miles from my close friends/family.
I can't leave this area due to my horses.
I need to go home and get my stuff. I don't even have my purse.
I'm sat here crying and crying. I just don't know what to do or where to go.

OP posts:
namechange101145 · 11/03/2019 07:40

Thank you all so much. I will have a look at the seven stages of grief. I'm just getting ready to leave now. Will keep you updated.
I'm absolutely distraught.

OP posts:
TheSassyAssassin · 11/03/2019 07:42

You've been incredibly strong so far OP and although it all feels insurmountable right now you WILL get through this. So pleased you have told your BF. Don't feel you need to keep posting but equally use your thread to remember the profound impact his actions and choices have had on you if you ever have a wobble. Stay safe and stay strong Flowers

Wolfiefan · 11/03/2019 07:42

Thinking of you OP. X

Sonicknuckles · 11/03/2019 07:45

Good luck OP x

Georgiemcgeorgeface · 11/03/2019 07:46

I'll be thinking of you today. You'll need all your strength over the next few days my love. Do not feel you have overreacted. I was strangled by my husband. Twice. I thought I was going to die. I had no bruises or marks. He never hit me. I felt it 'wasn't that bad'. I was wrong. I left when my DC was born as I feared for our lives and knew my DC deserved more. Don't make the same mistake. Abuse is abuse and it's devastating but you can escape and you can recover. Stay strong & get in touch with your friends and family and tell them. Talk about it. It's not your fault any of this x

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 11/03/2019 07:50
Flowers
crosspelican · 11/03/2019 07:50

You poor, poor lamb. You are being really brave and doing everything exactly right. Don't take his shame onto yourself. He is the only one to blame for anything here and all the shame and embarrassment - and blame - belongs solely to him.

Do you have parents nearby?

Ellenborough · 11/03/2019 07:52

The counselling hasn’t worked at all, has it?

You need to finish this now. No more chances. Absolutely no more.

anniehm · 11/03/2019 07:56

Take care today, let us know you have a safe place tonight. Hugs

timeisnotaline · 11/03/2019 07:56

You are not overreacting. I know you aren’t thinking like this now but it is good news that you have escaped before a baby arrived- it would have been so much harder to leave with packing a baby into the car etc. Sending strength for the next few days.

TheClaifeCrier · 11/03/2019 07:57

Little steps OP. Focus on what you need to get done today and take it from there. Flowers

AgathaF · 11/03/2019 08:09

You've been so brave and done exactly the right thing going to the hospital and speaking to the police.
I hope they offer you the support you need today to get back into your house and keep him away from you.

Blarblarblar · 11/03/2019 08:13

I hope you have some real life support. You can do this.

WinterWife · 11/03/2019 08:16

Just read the thread OP!

Good luck with everything. You're so brave and congratulations with the pregnancy. You can do this alone and no doubt be amazing.

All the best to you.

Ellenborough · 11/03/2019 08:27

Hang on, do you mean you didn’t know you were even pregnant until you were tested in hospital last night?

NotTheFordType · 11/03/2019 08:37

Good luck today OP.

If nothing else - you've seen how much goodwill there is between women, even when we're complete strangers to each other! Please lean on your BF and any other sources of support.

I strongly advise you do NOT tell him about the pregnancy. If all is well and you go ahead, I still would not tell him. It will give him something to control you with for the next 18+ years.

Moondancer73 · 11/03/2019 08:47

Morning op. Read your thread last night and I've been in your shoes so I really feel for you.
Hopefully he's had a visit from the police by now and won't try to make contact. I hope your not too sore.
You absolutely did the best thing last night, stay strong.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 11/03/2019 09:11

You're absolutely not overreacting. It was escalating. He'd had time to calm down and instead came back at you a second time. Goodness knows what would happened next if you hadn't managed to get away. Please don't allow yourself to minimise his behaviour Flowers

namechange101145 · 11/03/2019 09:16

I'm home now, I've had a shower & just having a cup of tea sorting out some work.
I'm going to take the dogs for a walk then head down to the station to do my statement.
These messages are so encouraging. I am trying so hard to be strong but it's so hard. I know deep down that I'm doing the right thing.
Those who have been here before me... Thanks you are so, so brave.
I never imagined for a minute that it would be so hard to walk away from someone who hurt you like this. My lovely aunt is still with her awful husband who has pushed her & been violent towards her before - I have been so wrongly judgmental of her staying with him. The strength it took to just get myself to the hospital was monumental. I stupidly, stupidly thought that it would be an easy decision to walk away from someone who has hurt you... but it's not, is it? It's so bloody hard.

OP posts:
TinselAndKnickers · 11/03/2019 09:19

It is very hard, but you're doing so, so well. You are incredible OP Thanks

ScoobyCan · 11/03/2019 09:21

Your strength and courage shine through your posts OP. Still handholding here Thanks

MrsBertBibby · 11/03/2019 09:21

It certainly is hard OP, but it is so right. Never look back. You're doing great.

HollyLM · 11/03/2019 09:22

Its incredible difficult to walk away from someone sometimes, no matter how bad their actions are or have been! (I'm still trying to figure out how). It took my mum 20 years to finally walk from my dad and the pain I saw it cause her was heartbreaking but using her as an example she came through the other side and is now absolutely fine! I think in these situations you really have to FORCE yourself to walk away as much as it hurts, and it hurts a lot. But you know deep down it is the right thing! And in time you will see that and your strength will get stronger and stronger! And chances are, one day someone will love you the way you deserve and you'll look back and think thank god i freed myself from that man! You'll be fine and it will all work out in the end - it will just be a bit of a journey in the mean time. Sending love x

Gruzinkerbell1 · 11/03/2019 09:35

You're doing so very well lovely Flowers What is your plan for tonight? Do you have somewhere safe to go?

JaneEyre07 · 11/03/2019 09:37

Just remember when you're feeling drawn to him that he left you with a potentially serious head injury and hasn't even tried to contact you and make sure you are ok.

He is pondscum frankly and you and your wee baby deserve far better. You've got even more reason now to never let him do this to you again. Be strong, you've got this Flowers

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