Married to someone with Aspergers: support thread 4 (replacement one)

[changerofnameaspiethread]

This thread is for partners seeking to understand the dynamics of their relationship with someone with ASD. It is a support thread, and a safe space to have a bit of a rant. Avoid sweeping generalisations if possible, try and keep it specific to you and your partner. Otherwise the thread can be deleted, like Support Thread 4 The Original.

Previous threads:
1st thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3281058-Is-anyone-married-to-someone-with-Aspergers
2nd thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3325419-married-to-someone-with-asperger-s-support-group-here
3rd thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a3463341-Married-to-someone-with-Aspergers-Support-group-here-Thread-3

Try reading the thread?

06Curiositykilledthecat113
Your comments have been reported

@Curiositykilledthecat113 I echo @Catmaiden ... read the thread... it is quite enlightening.

Yes I reported it also. Thank goodness, it's gone now.
Thank you @MNHQ

What was it saying?

@SeaEagleFeather They questioned, in a rather aggressive way, why partners of people with ASD needed support because it isn’t cancer...

Unpleasant.

Lovely that people challenged it and reported it though.

Makes me sad all the same that many people don’t have any insight at all into what it can be like living with someone with ASD. Not in all cases obviously but many of us have shared experiences and it is so positive knowing we aren’t alone.

thanks for filling me in. There was another thread a while back (i was a bit aggressive myself tbh) where some people with ASD were saying how awful it was that this thread exists. But actually after a bit of heat, each side seemed to calm down and respect eachother's position. Was nice ...

@Curiositykilledthecat113 Please go away and leave us alone. Start your own thread. This is ours.

@Curiositykilledthecat113 No-one is perpetuating stereotypes. People are speaking from their own experience. Some of the behaviours demonstrated by some people with ASD are difficult to cope with in a relationship. Just as some behaviours demonstrated by some NT people are difficult to cope with in a relationship. However partners of people with ASD tend to have a shared, and sometimes similar, experience.

Sorry if this is difficult for you to hear.

Hi, just a reminder of the purpose of this thread:

"Hi all, this thread is part of a long-running discussion on Mumsnet.
It was originally set up with the following request:

This thread is for partners seeking to understand the dynamics of their relationship with someone with ASD. It is a support thread, and a safe space to have a bit of a rant. Avoid sweeping generalisations if possible, try and keep it specific to you and your partner.
(ASD partners welcome to lurk or pop in, but please don't argue with other posters and tell them they are wrong).

As always, if you're concerned about any post on here, please report it to MNHQ and we'll take a look."

We've removed a number of posts on this thread which we feel are not in the spirit.

Thank you MN for keeping these threads for neurotypical people only.

@Catmaiden How are you today?

Sounds like I'm glad I was offline
for a few hours, today!
Been dealing with f2f physical gh h harassment by my husband.
He refuses to accept, solely because of his behaviour, that our marriage is over.

Despite never done any work on the farm, ever.

@Catmaiden. This is horrible for you. Sounds as though your H cannot grasp cause and effect...ie that something he has done is directly responsible for your decision to leave your marriage. Easier for him to turn it back on you.

I am usually the first person to say to someone ‘talk it through with your H’, ‘communicate’ etc but in your case I can’t see how you have any option here. Your DS’s behaviour must have been shocking to have reached the stage of legal restrictions. Has your DH forgotten this or was it less of an issue for him as you were the target?

Keep yourself safe. It must be awful right now but things will get better. Is it worth talking things through with the police so they are aware that you are vulnerable at the moment (and will respond to a call quicker and know the issue before they get there if you do have to call).

I’m sorry you are going through this.

Sounds as though your H cannot grasp cause and effect

Mine is like this. It's wearing.

Ex was like this - oh most definitely when it came to people-handling, but also in practical matters.

Older son is the same :(

In case anyone was wondering, I asked for the posts to be removed.

To clarify, the "physical harrassment " I mentioned wasn't violence, just H coming into the office ( when there was no need) and insisting on talking to at me.

Anyway, how is everybody else today?
I have hot chocolate and a flapjack, sitting on the sofa with a cat and dog either side of me. Very peaceful.