How many nights a week does your DH see friends?

[NASA20]

How many nights a week do you think is acceptable?

Background, my DH goes out to see his friend practically every single night, he even went on valentines day after we had had our meal.

I have no problem with my partner having time to himself, I like to go see my friends every now and then but what hes doing is just totally over the top and disrespectful.

Nothing I say seems to make a difference, hes full of false promises and always goes back on things hes said and I just feel depressed with it. I feel like asking him to leave but I dont want to break our sons heart.

A week? Try once every three months or so, for both of us. It’s coming up to birthdays so it may stretch to once a month.
When we lived near our friends they came to us as we have small children. It’s now dropped off as we all have small children, so now it’s birthdays and special occasions.

He goes to one particular friends house and plays video games and smokes weed. No drinking involved he doesnt drink.

He always has a 'reason' to go, like last night he said he needed to drop a pan of FFS and said he wouldnt be long. He came back at 1:30am.

I sent him two long messages last week over text to say exactly how I felt and for him to decide if its a family life he wants or a single life and he hasnt acknowledged either one. I just dont know what to do anymore.

Generally we get on really well, were happy with our relationship, hes a good dad but when it comes to this issue its just killing my love for him.

He only meets up with his friends for drinks or whatever once a month maybe twice sometimes? Mid week we're both tired after work, dropping kids places, weekends we like to see eachother (in between dropping kids everywhere)

Every night seems like alot OP especially since you have a child together, it's unfair

He sounds incredibly immature OP!
How old is he?

It is a lot, I barely go out at all, the last time was with a friend last month for a meal and the cinema the day before my birthday. He didnt go out on my birthay thankfully.

When does he see his child? When does he spend time with you?

Embarassingly hes nearly 30. Its horrible, its like hes living the life of a teenager.

He sees his son every night after work, we have tea together and then shortly after when our sons in bed he will say hes "nipping out" for a bit. Sometimes he will stay in and watch tv with me and then when i go to bed he will go out.

My DP meets up with friends once every couple of years

I meet up every three months or so but it's only for lunch/a drink for a couple of hours.

My dad was like this when I was growing up - out with friends five or six times per week at the pub. I thought it was just normal but it made me feel like I wasn't important to him, like an inconvenience, and like he'd rather be anywhere else but spending time with me and my mum.

My dad died when I was 13 but I'm pretty certain that if he'd lived, we absolutely wouldn't get on because of his going out drinking with friends all the time. Aside from how it made me feel, I now resent him because of the assumption that my mum would just do all the childcare. Ugh.

Thats really sad, i would hate to think my child felt like that. My parents neever went out when i was growing up and i dont know any other couple where the guy acts like this.
I need to get through to him I just have no idea how.

Yikes, I’d find that really unattractive!
If he was going to night college or in the gym/doing something that was going towards bettering himself I’d give a lot more leeway but playing video games and smoking weed? Nah!

Is he happy with family life? It sounds like he wants to live the single life of a student thus making you live the life of a single mum!
You deserve better than this

Thats really out of order, you spending most evenings by yourself thats not a partnership in my eyes. My DH goes out on a Friday for about 4 hours.Do you go out together at all ?

I guessed from your opening post he'd be away playing computer games! Does his friend have kids? He needs to be willing to compromise and discuss it with you.

I find it unattractive too, puts me off him so much.

He says he is happy with family life, he loves our son hes a good dad, very hands on, will happily go on days out at the weekend its just when it comes to the evening.

We go out together sometimes like to the cinema and some food, but when we get back home, he goes out and i have cried myself to sleep before because of that, just makes me feel so unimportant.

My OH see's his friend's maybe once a month on a friday for 3/4 hrs. Time to wave this guy bye bye

No his friend is his only single friend, he lives alone. Everyone else we know is in a family dynamic and not available as often because they prefer to spend time with their wives/kids.

I dont think its the gaming, i think its the weed/socialising. Hes addicted to it, i think if he was to stop he would also stop going out. Always promising to stop but never does.

Gosh it sounds horrible for you. It's not at all normal, and shows very clearly that's he's more committed to his own pleasures than his relationship and family.

This would absolutely be a deal breaker for most people. He sounds too immature to be able to cope with the reality of marriage and family.

I think you're going to end by having to get very serious with him and asking him to decide if he wants to go out every night more than he wants a wife and family. Good luck.

Thats not nice when you have had a night out together and he goes back out, especially at the weekends why should you spend every evening on your own. What would his reaction be if you behaved like that ?

I feel like giving him an ultimatum, so for example if he goes out tonight I might say, if you go out then dont come home beacuse I'm not dealing with this any longer, if you want to act single then be single. Part of me is afraid though he would call my bluff and leave. I know I'd be ok, its my son I would be upset for.

My DH goes out to do a hobby perhaps once or twice a month. He never goes out just to socialise. If we have time to ourselves in the evening we spend it together.

OP if your OH goes out every night when does he spend time alone with you? Is it possible he isn’t happy in the relationship and is avoiding being alone with you? He sounds very immature and I’d be telling him to either grow up or leave.

Its so frustrating because he does know how lucky he is, his biggest problem is he has a wife who wants to spend time with him. Theres people out there lonely with nobody and hes treating me like this. I really do love him, I wouldnt have put up with it for so long if I didnt but there comes a point where I just dont want to feel like a mug anymore.