How many nights a week does your DH see friends?

[NASA20]

How many nights a week do you think is acceptable?

Background, my DH goes out to see his friend practically every single night, he even went on valentines day after we had had our meal.

I have no problem with my partner having time to himself, I like to go see my friends every now and then but what hes doing is just totally over the top and disrespectful.

Nothing I say seems to make a difference, hes full of false promises and always goes back on things hes said and I just feel depressed with it. I feel like asking him to leave but I dont want to break our sons heart.

I’m so sorry Nasa but I think you and your son will be so much better off.
That’s no life

I'm so sorry to read this NASA but honestly someone that prefers to spend time getting high is not someone you want to have around anyway. You will be so much better off without him in your lives.

Take each day at a time lovely

Thanks YogaWannabe I know everything everyone has said is spot on, they were just hard to hear.

My son is going to be heartbroken but hopefully in time he will be ok.

Thank you HowMuchMore

It might force him to get his shit together at least on the nights he’ll have your DS.
You might find he ends up having a better relationship with DS as a result because right now he isn’t prioritizing either of you but when you agree access etc surely he won’t pawn DS off on a babysitter so he can go out those nights too!

You should also start building a little life for yourself outside of ex

Did he go out last night?

Yes he did, it got to about half 8 and he said he was going out.

On the second day? That's a real addiction isn't it? When did you tell him he'd have to leave? How did he take it? Sending strength x

He apologised this morning and then when we both got to work he sent a text asking if I still wanted him and if i wanted him to leave. I said I loved him and wanted to be with him just not how things are now. So he said he doesn’t know how he feels anymore blah blah blah. He basically is saying this so when people ask why we split up he can say “I just didn’t love her anymore” when in reality we’ve split because he’s a self centred druggie.

When you challenged him about leaving to go smoke what did he say?

He tried to make out I was the one with the problem, and was like "oh ill just never go out again then shall I" trying to turn it on me.
So I said i dont mind you seeing your friends every now and then but right now your just taking the mick out of me. He said hes stopping smoking and he wont be going out again rest of week so I just said ive heard it all before of course you will. Then neither of us said anything and he left.

Take some control OP.

What are your housing arrangements?

He's left Loopytiles

So the property you live in is yours, or joint rental? Can you afford it alone?

House is mine, I can afford it alone.

We pay half of everything currently so now hes leaving it means the bills that are his alone are also leaving, no more car payments for a car thats not mine!

Every 3 months or so! Out to pubs and back around 1am. I'm not into that kind of thing (lazy introvert) and most of my local friends are other home ed mums who I see at groups etc during the week.

Growing up my dad went out once a week to the pub, I can't remember if he did that when we were really small though.

Sorry just read the updates, I'm bad for mot RTFT I know! Any way it sounds like you're better off without him OP

Congratulations, NASA! I’m very pleased for you that this disrespectful asshole is out.

Your DS will be okay, absolutely. And will hopefully now grow up not thinking that your DPs behaviour is normal or acceptable.

You'll be so much better off in the long run, OP, although it probably doesn't feel like that at the moment. I left my DP for a very similar reason last year - his problem was booze and the person he became after a drink. He would stay out until the early hours every single night of the week until I cut my losses and moved out.

My close friend has just left her DP because he can't stop drinking with the football lads and snorting coke.

My DS has long maintained that for some men, nothing changes when they have kids, and they simply carry on in spite of the fact their obligations have changed. She's right, IMO, and those man babies need to be binned for our sanity.

Sorry to hear that Dwayne it seems some men just do not know what they have or how lucky they are.
I have never been addicted to anything so I struggle to sympathise with him or understand how he can put it before his wife and child. It baffles me.

You are so brave NASA. For you and your son.

Life can only be better for you both. You deserve someone who makes you both their whole world.

All the very best!

Once a month maybe. Your partner sounds ridiculous. I wouldn't put up with this for a second

Thanks @NASA20, honestly there'd been years of it but I'd never really had the self-esteem to deal with it until I had our DC.

I didn't want to be a nagging girlfriend and I suppose deep down I had such low self-worth I used to think, I get why he doesn't want to spend time with me. What I didn't understand was why he didn't want to spend time with his child. That changed things for me.

I hope you're ok. Your DS will adapt to the new normal because realistically, nothing will really change. He's in the same house and you're still doing the vast majority of his care.

Big love to you, hope it works out. :)

He's not a good dad if he abandons his family every night to go and take drugs elsewhere, leaving his child's mother alone and stressed. That's not good parenting, even if the child is in bed. It's shit, selfish behaviour that's cruising towards a separation of his own making - also not great parenting.