Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How many nights a week does your DH see friends?

148 replies

NASA20 · 04/03/2019 10:53

How many nights a week do you think is acceptable?

Background, my DH goes out to see his friend practically every single night, he even went on valentines day after we had had our meal.

I have no problem with my partner having time to himself, I like to go see my friends every now and then but what hes doing is just totally over the top and disrespectful.

Nothing I say seems to make a difference, hes full of false promises and always goes back on things hes said and I just feel depressed with it. I feel like asking him to leave but I dont want to break our sons heart.

OP posts:
BuffaloCauliflower · 04/03/2019 11:31

He’s a family man with a child pretending he’s 15. I’m surprised you’ve put up with it this long. Twice a week max would be acceptable in most books.

Original poster
NASA20 · 04/03/2019 11:31

That was supposed to say he doesnt know how lucky he is

OP posts:
Original poster
NASA20 · 04/03/2019 11:32

He acts happy though, hes affectionate, we have a laugh together, we get on well its just this issue.

OP posts:
GinandGingerBeer · 04/03/2019 11:36

I think you've posted about him before OP? Quite some time ago?
Nothing's changed and he won't because he doesn't want to and he's getting away with it so it's you who needs to decide what's going to happen.

YogaWannabe · 04/03/2019 11:37

I know it might sound far fetched but is there any chance he could be in some sort of relationship/something sexual with this friend?

It’s an awful lot of time to spend with someone who isn’t your partner.

Original poster
NASA20 · 04/03/2019 11:43

No i dont think that, id be very very shocked if that was the case. I think he would be acting differently in lots of ways if thats what was going on but hes not. I really do think its the drugs.

I'm going to give him an ultimatum tonight and if he leaves, it shows whats most important to him.

OP posts:
thinkingcapon · 04/03/2019 11:46

I think you'd be doing your son a favour if you showed him how strong a person you can be by doing this
Is he paranoid?! He's choosing weed over his family - time to get angry and rid of him x

butterboo · 04/03/2019 11:46

How does he cope with going to work every day as he's coming home so late? My DH is out several evenings a week for a hobby but not late and I don't say too much as it's at least a healthy past time although I would prefer him to go les often.

Original poster
NASA20 · 04/03/2019 11:50

He's tired, sometimes he doesnt make it to bed as he comes in and eats and watches tv then just falls asleep on the sofa.

Thats the thing if he was at the gym or something a few nights a week id be ok with that its good for him.

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 04/03/2019 11:50

My DH meets up with friends for a drink every month or so. He’s not a big socialiser, so it’s always the same friends. Every night is bizarre when you have a family and I can understand why you’re upset..

YogaWannabe · 04/03/2019 11:52

Is he definitely with who he says he’s with?
I have friends in relationships where one or both of them enjoy a joint but it doesn’t mean living a totally separate life.

vanitythynameisnotwoman · 04/03/2019 11:53

This is addiction pure and simple OP. Over time it will get worse, not better.
He can get help, but he has to want to stop.

Nautiloid · 04/03/2019 11:54

Once or very occasionally twice, to do a hobby.

CostanzaG · 04/03/2019 11:56

He might see friends once a week to watch football and will go out with friends maybe every couple of months.
We do a lot with mutual friends and lots together as a couple or a family.

Your DH sounds like he's acting like a teenager. I can see why you would find that unattractive

timeisnotaline · 04/03/2019 11:56

He sounds horrible. I would leave myself the next night. (& if he would leave your son alone and go anyway then he’s a shit dad and you should call social services to have it on record as he can’t really be trusted)
Then I would ask him to leave because I won’t live with a shitty relationship and I don’t think my son benefits from his only real parent being miserable.

PaddyF0dder · 04/03/2019 11:56

Is there a chance that he’s more than just friends with this guy? Might it be a gay relationship? Or might he be seeing someone else but lying that he’s seeing his pal?

I’m a dad myself. I see friends maybe once a month at most.

Every evening to play games and get high? Nah. There’s something else going on.

LemonTT · 04/03/2019 11:58

Sounds like you love the idea of the man he could be if he wasn’t him.

YogaWannabe · 04/03/2019 12:01

I agree with @PaddyF0dder
Take a closer look at things OP

Original poster
NASA20 · 04/03/2019 12:05

He's definitley where he says he is, i ring him sometimes while hes out to see if he will pick up milk when hes on his way home etc. and i can hear his friend and the game in the background or he might have sent me a pic of something he wants to show me while hes there. He always messages back when hes there or answers the phone so i dont think its anything dodgy its literally just his addiction.

OP posts:
Original poster
NASA20 · 04/03/2019 12:07

He wouldnt leave our son alone, he'd just be in a huff that he couldnt go out. The thing is I dont want to go out to point score I'd rather be home.

OP posts:
PookieDo · 04/03/2019 12:10

It doesn’t sound like he’s shagging anyone he’s smoking weed and doesn’t want to stop. That’s the issue

He’s choosing weed over you

I think you need to tell him and show him how serious this is to you. Either things change or you will leav him

He has to want to stop smoking it

wishywashy6 · 04/03/2019 12:14

😳😳😳

I don't live with my partner but he only catches up with his friends maybe once or twice a month. I don't ask him to, but he always prioritises me and my children before anything else.
I see my best friend usually once or twice a week but that's because we have a shared hobby that we do together. We go out as a group with other friends maybe once a month, sometimes more sometimes less.

What you describe would annoy the fuck out of me and sounds like it's not the only issue in your relationship

Skyejuly · 04/03/2019 12:15

Never in evenings xx

Ivegotthree · 04/03/2019 12:20

Once or twice (max) a fortnight.

Quartz2208 · 04/03/2019 12:20

Of course he is happy OP he comes in plays the family man for an hour then goes off and plays the single life for a bit having his wife at home waiting

Are you happy OP that is the question and honestly what kind of Dad is he. You know deep down that the right decision is to get him to leave

Swipe left for the next trending thread