Husband demanding an abortion

[inthedarkx]

I thought I would re post my post on here to see if I get more advice
Thank you in advance for reading.

So I'm pregnant with my 6th child. Won't go into details but I'm 13+1 and he immediately said I should have an abortion, no discussing it and if I want him to stay I will have one. I said I don't want an abortion and he said ok he will be gone just give him a week. He said 'good luck with bringing up 6 children as I won't be around full time' said I'm selfish on my kids.

I'm scared of going through an abortion at 13+1 and I'm also scared of becoming a single parent.

Jesus OP this is an absolute SCUMBAG of a man.

I really REALLY hope he leaves, but he won't.

He knows what side his bread is buttered on. He'll walk out and use every trick in the book to try and get you to terminate, when it doesn't work he'll stomp out, spend some time trying to find another woman to leech off, then come back when all his pants are dirty and he hasn't had a good meal in weeks.

Horrible horrible man and a horrible horrible example to your children.

The relationship was over at the point he tried to force you to abort a baby you want to keep.

Does he work OP? Whose name is on the property?

He has created five children already and failed to understand how they occurred. Decided he didn’t want any more children so didn’t get a vasectomy or at least use condoms and is now furious that you are ‘mysteriously’ pregnant again . Seriously, what a prick.

It will be extremely tough being a single parent of six but you will survive. I wouldn’t bank on him supporting you very much though so do you have other support from family and friends?

Thanks everyone. Went to the midwife drop in clinic on Tuesday and was referred straight for a scan due to how far I am and went today. My sister came with me and I saw the baby on the screen and got a scan picture. I'm 13 weeks 3 days and due 08 sept. There's no way I can go ahead and have a termination. So looks like I'm doing it alone. I don't know how I will tell him or when. I know he will be straight back to the woman he was with after he left me and that will hurt like hell but I will have to prepare myself for him leaving Again. He works full time with a Company and does some extra work for himself as self employed. I am a SAHM. I'm just going to have to deal with it. The way I see it is, he left me a single mum of 5 when he left me, he didn't care of the consequences or the impact it would have on his children but now he suddenly cares.

Name change fail op?

Make sure you get thelat CMS claim in ASAP that he's out the door and updated whenim September. Good luck

I know someone who found herself in this situation, with fewer children, but husband wanting her to abort. She kept the child, and he stayed, but he resented that child forever. I know you are not her, but I think if you have the baby, you NEED to lose him. Things will not go back to whatever your normal was; they just won't. I am so so sorry.

Op I am glad that you had your sister with you, I take it that she will support you throughout the rest of your pregnancy too?

I would be very surprised if your h hasn’t been continuing his affair with the ow behind your back. If he runs back to her, then he never ended their relationship anyway! In fact I bet his determination that you get a termination is more to do with the fact that his ow will realise he has been lying to her, when he has been telling her the cheaters script ‘that he is only back with you for the kids, that you haven’t had sex in years/ months and he only has eyes for her’ his having his cake and eating it is about to implode on him!

Personally, I would pack his bags for him. Don’t let him erupt in anger and try to manipulate you or potentially hurt you in anger. I would make sure your sister is there when you tell him, just in case he does get angry and turn abusive!

OP just signed in to say after skimming through your thread & comments you’ll be ok with raising a new baby with your other 5 DC as a single parent, no doubt it’ll be hard at times (I’m raising 3 as a single parent) but tbh even raising one can be hard at times you'll be fine 😌 your husband sounds like a very selfish individual you sound like you & your DC will be better off without him anyway 😌 a massive congratulations on your pregnancy & remember you’re doing amazing x

Thanks everyone. I've made a lot of mistake by taking him back in the first place. But was trying to give my child a happy family. He is making me feel guilty that my children won't have a dad 'full time' and my new baby won't have a dad.

I’d love to know how he thinks he is going to see the other kids but not the new baby. How does he think the older ones will react to that ?

The man’s an idiot.

inthedark, he will do anything to get his way. He is 100% a manipulative twat. He will try and try and try to bully you and coerce you however he can. I'd tell him to go unless he agrees not to discuss it at all because it is not negotiable and you will NOT have an abortion you do not want for any reason at all whatsoever (so don't let him call it a 'treatment' or another other than what it is).

Thanks again

I feel like crying all night. First time I've felt suicidal in all my life. He's saying my kids will hate me for keeping this baby. Saying he will not even look at the child and will act like it doesn't exist and even it's older and he tells the child to go away when it finds him he will say he didn't want it and then the child will hate me 😢
He said he doesn't even want his name on the child. So if he divorces me before the born then I can't put his name on the birth certificate without his consent because we would no longer be married.

I should never have taken him back. I accepted him back and accepted his mistakes yet he abandons me over this

The children won’t hate you for keeping the baby.

The new child won’t hate you.

He can’t divorce you before the baby is born if you don’t consent.

He’s lashing out in anger but he’s talking shit. Stop listening.

I couldn't scroll past without commenting. Do not let anyone tell you what to do with your own baby!! It's your choice. If he didn't want any more kids then he should have made sure he couldn't have any. Take the time to do what's right for you. Otherwise if you have an abortion for him your will end up resenting him x

Your husband sounds fucking vile! And abusive! To be honest I think he needs to go regardless of what happens with the pregnancy he's behaved appallingly! Clearly doesn't care for you and won't even take responsibility for his own actions.

Why did you separate before? You haven't been specific

I've not rtft but I have read all op's posts.

My parents are each from big families, their parents used public transport no problem. Though is it possible for you to get a vehicle to transport 7 of you? Depending where you are might be easier and even cheaper than public transport.

Get advice on finances ASAP. Don't make yourself vulnerable to him screwing you financially.

He's got shite all chance of getting a divorce in 6 months!

Can only repeat what others have told you -
Your other children will not hate you
your baby wont hate you
There's no way he could divorce you before 8th Sept, even if he admitted adultery - you would have to petition for divorce, not him.

On the other hand - he is going to look awful in front of his family & friends when you tell them why he's leaving you.

I think you need to get a few more people on side, like your sister to support you.

There is no way I would let my dad treat one of my siblings like that OP. He's just being nasty for the sake of being nasty

Thanks everyone
@Graphista the reason why we first separated was because things were not right for a few weeks. He got phone calls from a woman and lied about who it was firstly it was a work colleague but he didn't answer it whilst I was there ( so obviously lies!) and secondly said it was just someone he met online and got chatting.
Then 2 weeks later he said he was going to do a. Few things. He was gone at least 4 hours. He didn't answer my texts and calls, his excuse was that he didn't want me to go mad because he was taking longer than expected so ignored me, he then said he's not coming back. And the next day wanted to come in to get some stuff as he was leaving me, I refused to let him in so now he's using the fact that I wouldn't let him in as to why he left me even though he left me via text. A few days later I asked him to come back so we can talk and sort things and he refused saying he will never come home. He blames me for everything constantly
Went on his knees last night and said he swears to god, on his mums Grave that if I bring this baby into this world he will never acknowledge it. And that he will leave me and I shall suffer the consequences. So he's made it clear now I have to abort or that's it. But abortion right now doesn't feel right so looks like I'll be back on my own, but I was before anyway.

I feel responsible for everything. He makes me feel like he's the victim and I have caused everything. Even before this pregnancy was found out, he justifys leaving saying it's my fault for expecting him to contact me when he's out. I just feel very depressed today and I've felt suicidal a lot During the last few month for the first time in my life.

He is VILE and you are better off without him. Honestly.

What an awful excuse for a human being.

Kick him out. Focus on your and DC and your growing baby.

Please speak to your GP about getting some support to help you through this.

you and DC and your growing baby

Thanks @GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Don't know how he will tell people he left his wife because she wouldn't abort his child. He will probably lie and blame me. Even be left me he only told 1 or 2 Friends we had split up. Everyone else he knew thought he was still with me. His status on Facebook was kept as married even though he was in a new relationship. We went to his cousins family barbecue and made me pretend we were still together and ok. Just shows he struggled to tell people beforehand so how he will go about telling people this time I don't know .

When he left me *

He is absolutely vile.
The other children won't hate the baby because he refuses to acknowledge it.
My Mum was one of 6 and all the siblings absolutely doted on the youngest (who was apparently a most delightful, happy child). Her mother died when she was 7 and all the siblings pulled together to bring her up. She has turned out to be a wonderful human being.

I met a family of 7 children with their Dad a couple of months ago. The mother had sadly died. A friend of mine asked the Dad how he copes with 7 children on his own and the youngest child who was about 4 piped up with "We all help each other".

I think the other children will be wonderful. How old are they? It's obviously going to be hard but plenty of people in the past (less so these days as larger families are not so common) coped with this and there were plenty of tragedies where a parent died.

This vile man has to go. You will get through it. You want to keep the baby so that's the end of the discussion. His threats are horrendous and even if you were to agree to the abortion what's to say he wouldn't just do off anyway - he's already left once because of some kind of affair (which presumably didn't work out so he came back - my ex did this to me twice. Yours will do it again too).
The divorce won't come through before the baby is born so he can make threats about that all he likes.

Please get rid of this fuckwit and start your life anew with your 5 lovely children and the coming 6th child.

What other support do you have in real life? You can also talk to the Samaritans if you are feeling suicidal.