Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband demanding an abortion

567 replies

inthedarkx · 03/03/2019 22:41

I thought I would re post my post on here to see if I get more advice
Thank you in advance for reading.

So I'm pregnant with my 6th child. Won't go into details but I'm 13+1 and he immediately said I should have an abortion, no discussing it and if I want him to stay I will have one. I said I don't want an abortion and he said ok he will be gone just give him a week. He said 'good luck with bringing up 6 children as I won't be around full time' said I'm selfish on my kids.

I'm scared of going through an abortion at 13+1 and I'm also scared of becoming a single parent.

OP posts:
Original poster
inthedarkx · 27/04/2019 02:07

@OkPedro ok well today I found out my husband has been living a double life. Was living in my house whilst still seeing the other woman. He was ending it with me here and there but didn't leave. And said he was going away with work but was on holiday with her and her kids and told me he was at work. He spent every spare hour with her. Told the other Woman I couldn't cope with my kids. And she told me everything. He told her he can't leave the Family home because I can't cope with the kids. Now I'm in hospital with tightenings and funnelling of the cervix

OP posts:
Original poster
inthedarkx · 27/04/2019 02:08

He's really really angry because I found out. She sent me pictures And everything of them together
He told some massive lies

OP posts:
Original poster
inthedarkx · 27/04/2019 02:10

I had to have an ambulance because of my tightenings and pressure down there and paramedics where concerned that he showed no concern towards me. He hasn't even visited me in hospital. Now they hAve to send the info to social services and I'm so scared I'll lose my lids

OP posts:
OkPedro · 27/04/2019 02:17

Why would you lose your kids? You sound like a much better parent than your ex!

Original poster
inthedarkx · 27/04/2019 02:45

He also told the other woman that when he comes home from work he has to bath my son. Which is a lie!! He's made me out to be a bad mother. He said he pays for all my debts which is a lie!!

OP posts:
Weenurse · 27/04/2019 03:26

Will he look after the children while you are in hospital?

FireFighter999 · 27/04/2019 04:49

OP this shit with him has gone on for long enough now. You are waiting for something that will never happen in him, no more putting up with him. Kick his arse out for good.

Dragonlight · 27/04/2019 05:54

I'm so sorry OP.

Oliversmumsarmy · 27/04/2019 08:27

Surely the ow realised he is talking BS.

If he couldn’t leave you with the kids then why was he holidaying with her.

I

pusspuss9 · 27/04/2019 08:41

sorry, I'm going totally against the grain here but the more I hear about his behaviour, and the fact that OP already has 5 little children to care for alone possibly for many years to come, I can't help feeling that it was a huge mistake for her to go ahead with this pregnancy and for many posters on here to encourage that.
I know that nobody could envisage the depth of his deception but nevertheless, her situation was precarious from the start.

However she is where she is, and I hope that she find s the strength and support from her family and friends.

IVEgottheDECAF · 27/04/2019 08:49

Bless you op you are really going through it

Have you spoken to family member about this? You should be honest with professionals involved about his behaviour. Show them any messages he has sent you.

Flowers
Original poster
inthedarkx · 27/04/2019 09:25

@pusspuss9 to have an abortion at 13/14 weeks is something I wouldn't be prepared to do. Didn't expect the extent of his lies to come out. Oh and he met her on tinder!

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 27/04/2019 09:26

Bloody hell. I have just seen this thread and read your updates OP and I am absolutely gobsmacked and shocked at how badly your husband has - and still is - treating you! I have my fingers firmly crossed that your little baby stays put and your poor excuse for a husband and father fucks right off.
Vile creature

Oliversmumsarmy · 27/04/2019 09:38

pusspuss9 the possible reason that he wanted inthedarkx to have an abortion was because he could then pretend to this ow that he wasn’t sleeping with his dw and everything was over between them and he was only staying because of the dc.

I think continuing with the pregnancy has brought this all to ahead rather than an abortion which would have meant that inthedarkx would have still been in the dark.

Original poster
inthedarkx · 27/04/2019 09:39

I just don't get if the OW knew he was living me why did she allow all this. Didn't she find it odd for a man to tell her he's still living with his wife because she can't cope!

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 27/04/2019 09:42

I think that is exactly what I think he told her.

Probably said there was no relationship with you and he was only staying because of the kids as they wouldn’t be looked after.

Then you exposed his lie and got pregnant.

Are you sure he hasn’t told her the baby isn’t his?

IVEgottheDECAF · 27/04/2019 09:43

You dont know the full extent of his lies to her op. She may also be a vunerable woman herself, someone he has seen as an easy target. He obviously thinks shes stupid anyway.

pusspuss9 · 27/04/2019 09:48

inthedark - agree that an abortion at 13/14 is not right. I would have given it very serious consideration right at the start, but you weren't aware of the depth of his deception at that stage.

OLiversmums - you could well be right on that point.

Whichever way, I hope inthedark gets all the help and support she needs. She sounds like a loving mother.

pasanda · 27/04/2019 09:48

Just rtft.
I'm so sorry you're going through this op.
Some men are just utter, utter wankers Sad
I really hope your little one stays where she is for many more weeks.

Original poster
inthedarkx · 27/04/2019 10:24

Thanks
He sent her screen shots messages of me and his, the ones where I was defending myself against him just to make me look bad. She knew them word for word so was telling the truth

OP posts:
IVEgottheDECAF · 27/04/2019 10:29

What does she think now? I would be wary of him trying to worm his way back in with you if she fucks him off

Dullardmullard · 27/04/2019 10:39

Who has the kids?

Do not engage with other woman at all just block her on everything as she could have an agenda ffs she went on holiday with him but you can't cope.

Will, you just get angry now and kick this cunt to the kerb there is no coming back from this plus you'll need to have an STI check too because I'll bet there was more than her.

If he comes back and starts threatening anything call the police.

Whattodofgs · 27/04/2019 10:45

inthedarkx It really comes across that your "D"H was telling the other woman he was living with you as you couldn't cope with the children. He was obviously telling her he wasn't "with you" just living there. Hence it spolied th the party for him that you got pregnant. He then wanted you to get rid of the baby and if not was going to deny it was his.

I can't help thinking you will be so much better off without him.

In the meantime I would be talking to Midwife about STD's and getting checked for them.

Thanks for you. I really hope everything goes well from here on.

Original poster
inthedarkx · 27/04/2019 10:54

He also told her he only found out I was pregnant yesterday. When he's know since I was 13 weeks!! I'm now 21. And he told her I REFUSED to take a pregnancy test.

What's even more bizzarre is, he went away with her and her kids then wanted to take our kids on the same trip but then couldn't 'afford it'

Then took her kids and her to a lake then the weekend later he took my kids to the same place'
Creepy

OP posts:
Contraceptionismyfriend · 27/04/2019 10:56

I'm sorry but this is not a surprise. What you need to do now is actually work towards a divorce.

You've been aware of his behaviour for a while now. All the while children who have no say in the matter are being forced to live in this awful environment.

Rest in the hospital, take their medical advice etc and then go and see a solicitor!