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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband demanding an abortion

567 replies

inthedarkx · 03/03/2019 22:41

I thought I would re post my post on here to see if I get more advice
Thank you in advance for reading.

So I'm pregnant with my 6th child. Won't go into details but I'm 13+1 and he immediately said I should have an abortion, no discussing it and if I want him to stay I will have one. I said I don't want an abortion and he said ok he will be gone just give him a week. He said 'good luck with bringing up 6 children as I won't be around full time' said I'm selfish on my kids.

I'm scared of going through an abortion at 13+1 and I'm also scared of becoming a single parent.

OP posts:
Original poster
inthedarkx · 22/04/2019 11:13

Thanks everyone. I really think I need some support, was thinking of going to my Gp but worried they'll just laugh and say we can't sort out your marriage problems. I wake up blood boiling angry every day and I continue being angry all day which isn't healthy. I don't know why he wants to stay, obviously he has an Agenda. He says he doesn't have anywhere to go but if you really wanted to be away from someone you would leave and find somewhere. He's just obsessed with buying his Own house and judges me for not owning one. I talk about this other woman a lot because he gloats about how when he has his kids without me he can take them anywhere and not tell me, and let them be around anyone he likes Which is legally true but there is no way I would have random men around my kids. I wouldn't put my children in that position. It would have to be a long time of knowing someone before they get to meet my children as they come first but he doesn't care. He uses this tactic to control me because he knows I don't want to lose my children to another woman. He knows I'm not very trusting or others so uses him taking them around woman I've never known as a way to control me and get to me.

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 22/04/2019 22:56

He's an idiot.

Do talk to your GP if you think it will help.

SandyY2K · 23/04/2019 01:02

Ignore him. He is trying to get a reaction from you.

You've put up with his crappie behaviour for way too long.

Raspberrytruffle · 23/04/2019 04:15

Is there any chance you could find somewhere else to rent? It seems to me that hes trying to control and bullying you with great enjoyment. I'd leave and get a clean break and not give him the power or decide what's happening with your relationships

FuriousVexation · 23/04/2019 04:36

Jesus christ OP, kick this cunt to the kerb.

Original poster
inthedarkx · 23/04/2019 08:49

He is a cunt. Last night he told me he doesn't want me with 6 kids, that I should have aborted and we are no longer together BUT he will live here until he saves money for his own place and if I be 'mean' by asking him to leave he will take all the stuff in the house I bought so I'll be left with nothing. So there is the threat but I've told him to be gone this week. Let's see if he goes if not I'm have no choice but to get the police involved. You can't end a marriage and still live there. And to top off his disgusting behaviour he asked me for sex the same night as well and obviously I refused and told him he's disgusting. Sad that he wanted to treat me like that. Just feel sad that he thinks I don't deserve respect.

OP posts:
Original poster
inthedarkx · 23/04/2019 22:29

He went off to do a 'job' then text me saying 'in case your wondering I'm off to the gym'
He thinks he can behave this way and then come bck here. I've put bolts on the door but he can easily get through the back door as he has keys not sure what to do now,

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 24/04/2019 07:31

Whose name is the house in? What a horrible man.

IncrediblySadToo · 24/04/2019 09:35

Call the housing people (up by you Mum) daily, for starters.

DON’T take a place near where you are now.

Take photos of all the rooms & all your stuff, so if he does take stuff you have done proof.

If you can, take anything of financial or sentimental value to your Mums for safekeeping. Including photos etc.

Would it be possible to move into your Mum’s while you wait for a place?

Ignore all his crap about where he is or isn’t going to take the kids. Move up by your Mum and he’ll struggle to take them anywhere anyway. Dipshit.

Get yourself tested for your and the baby’s sake. You won’t be the first, or sadly the last, pregnant woman they’ve seen. Better safe than sorry.

Oliversmumsarmy · 24/04/2019 10:01

He uses this tactic to control me because he knows I don't want to lose my children to another woman

Has he thought of the logistics of this?

Personally I would be laughing in his face because he is being utterly stupid.

A relative had only 4 dc and the logistics of meeting someone who either had children and didn’t want more and was willing to look after them to trying to find a house in his price range for him and his new gf and her dc could afford so all of them were able to fit in was impossible.

For your stbexh it would be near impossible especially if he can’t afford a place for himself even atm.

Otherwise the alternative is he meets some one who wants her own children and if he is against being a father to 6 then he won’t be a father to 7 or 8.

If he does go on to have more children then the housing situation equally applies

Original poster
inthedarkx · 25/04/2019 00:41

He threatened to put the furniture out in the garden last night if I didn't let him stay. Today he left really early said he was going on a night shift at work but I don't believe him
I think he's managed to get back the other woman now as he's text me saying we can talk tomorrow about him moving out. I feel sad that I will need to go through the whole breakup thing again and so will my kids but it's my fault for taking him back. I'm really scared for the future. Seems like he's going to be happy again and land on his feet whilst I'm here
I do cope well but sometimes I sit and think why is life going to be happy for him and mine will be about sacrifice and sadness.

OP posts:
prawnsword · 25/04/2019 04:59

I haven’t RTFT but your husband sounds deluded to think many women out there are looking to date a father of 6! If I were you, would be offloading as many as I could at once onto him for visitation - any new girlfriend’s on the scene need to see the reality of what parenting 5 existing kids actually looks like. He will be looking to them to provide assistance, even if it’s just to keep an eye on them while he goes to the loo...they always do this to new GF’s!

I don’t think his life is going to be as happy as either you or he imagine it will be. Paying child support for 6 kids will be a significant chunk of money & any complaining of the 6th is just going to look like he couldn’t be bothered to go get himself a vasectomy - I mean, after 5 kids he knew how it all worked. What’s a 6th matter? You already had a big family, it hardly seems worth ending a marriage over. He obviously wanted a big family! He just looks stupid & irresponsible IMO. He is at the bottom of the dating pool now, he just doesn’t realise it yet.

Oliversmumsarmy · 25/04/2019 10:05

I haven’t RTFT but your husband sounds deluded to think many women out there are looking to date a father of 6

This

I think he is thinking he is free and single and a great catch.

I don’t think the reality has dawned on him or any potential gfs yet.

Don’t be so sure his life will turn out great.

Original poster
inthedarkx · 25/04/2019 15:27

Looks like bad luck follows me. 😢
Went for my scan and they've said I've got funnelling of the cervix so could go into labour any time and obviously baby wouldn't survive this early. They've said I can have a stitch put in and obviously that carries risks in itself. Baby is a girl.

My first two were preterm at 33 and 34 weeks butt last 3 were all over due. I'm so hurt. Baby is healthy tho. I'm so scared

OP posts:
newroundhere · 25/04/2019 21:18

Flowers for you OP. Hope all turns out ok

IncrediblySadToo · 25/04/2019 21:23

I’m so sorry to hear that.

I wouldn’t tell H. He’ll only use it to hurt you.

Do you have someone, other than him, who could come and mind the kids if you need to go into hospital?

What do you think you’ll do about the stitch?

Original poster
inthedarkx · 25/04/2019 21:41

Thank you. He knows about it because he had to come get my son from the hospital because after my scan I was up in triage for hours. They said I had a choice between a stitch or the tablets and they both carry the same rate of success so I chose the tablets that you insert vaginally because it's less evasive and if it's the same rate as the surgery then I think it's best. He saw me crying and everything and tried to act supportive but it's all fake. He said 'I won't go gym tonight, I can't leave you alone'

Then when he asked what the medication was for I explained to try to stop contractions so it doesn't open my cervix further and he said 'it's not that bad I'll go to the gym'
And he's just gone to the gym.
It's Awful can't believe this is happening

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 25/04/2019 22:27

OP.. .for your own mental well being you need to get rid of this man.. the stress of him alone will be making you unwell Flowers

Iooselipssinkships · 25/04/2019 23:46

He is truly fucking awful OP. You deserve so much more than him. You will cope alone because you are strong and capable. You can do it. When he's gone there will be so much light and happiness in your home.

IncrediblySadToo · 25/04/2019 23:58

Oh he’s a gem isn’t he.

Wanker 😡

Let’s hope the tablets work 🤞🏼

You’ll be much better off when he moves out. Truly.

Weenurse · 27/04/2019 01:34

Good luck 💐

NewYoiker · 27/04/2019 01:46

God op I'm so sorry you have to deal with this xx

Original poster
inthedarkx · 27/04/2019 01:47

My life took a dramatic turn today

OP posts:
OkPedro · 27/04/2019 01:59

I get so annoyed at these threads “why don’t the men get a vasectomy if they don’t want more children” well why don’t the women get sterilised? I would never ask a women this. I’ve had two abortions while taking “reliable” contraception. Its ok for someone of either sex to not be happy with another unwanted pregnancy. You obviously should never force a woman to continue an unwanted pregnancy. Should a man be forced to be a father if a woman can choose not to be a mother? I’m not talking about forced birth.

Dragonlight · 27/04/2019 02:00

Op I so hope you are ok.