Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 ··· 13 14 15 ··· 22 23

Original poster

Husband demanding an abortion

567 replies

inthedarkx · 03/03/2019 22:41

I thought I would re post my post on here to see if I get more advice
Thank you in advance for reading.

So I'm pregnant with my 6th child. Won't go into details but I'm 13+1 and he immediately said I should have an abortion, no discussing it and if I want him to stay I will have one. I said I don't want an abortion and he said ok he will be gone just give him a week. He said 'good luck with bringing up 6 children as I won't be around full time' said I'm selfish on my kids.

I'm scared of going through an abortion at 13+1 and I'm also scared of becoming a single parent.

OP posts:

ohfourfoxache · 17/04/2019 18:55

Get rid of the manipulating, gaslighting bastard. This is no way to live.

Branleuse · 17/04/2019 19:34

I think it is likely he is still in a relationship with the other woman, and tats why he is so frantic about this

barryfromclareisfit · 17/04/2019 19:44

Get rid.

When I read the thread title I thought you meant you could abort him. Sadly not. He’s now realising he’s financially better off/ more comfortable with you. Don’t stand for it.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 17/04/2019 19:51

Get rid. Who cares what he says to other people.

Dullardmullard · 17/04/2019 22:17

Why haven’t you ended this already

Your flogging a dead horse.

VapeVamp12 · 18/04/2019 11:40

You should have left this bastard when he cheated on you when you were pregnant with your first.

He is vile.

Original poster

inthedarkx · 18/04/2019 11:52

Yes I've sent the letter to the housing office near my mums, they upped it to high priority and I will just have to keep bidding on any houses that come up. I'm that desperate I even sent it to the housing in the area I am now but not heard from them yet. It's mental torture that he's doing this. He said to me 'I can't afford to rent anywhere, I have no where to go and your chucking me out I'll be sleeping in my car'
which is rubbish, he has a full time job and a second self employed job which brings him occasional work so he can rent. His problem is he doesn't want to pay rent to a private Landlord I think. And I said 'so your only here because you have no where to go?'
He said NO. Then starts going on about him not wanting this child.
SO I feel like banging my head against a brick wall. I told him I Accept he doesn't want this child, I accept I'll be doing it alone, I will never ask for help with the new baby and he can just focus on our other 5. I've told him to end our marriage verbally and let's movie forward to make plans and decisions on proper access to the children and do it like adults. But he won't.
I've spelled it out to him, I'm not forcing him to be in this babies life, I gave him an easy way out yet he just goes on about having no where to go. If he really didn't want to be in this child's wouldn't he just move out with no hesitation?
Just messing with my head and I'm that frustrated and stressed I even considered going to the police which will affect his job, but I'm so frustrated and feel tortured.

He calls his 5 kids his 'legit kids' and any other kids will just be mistakes to him

OP posts:

SparklyMagpie · 18/04/2019 12:00

I'm sorry you're going through this OP but I can't believe you still haven't ended it and all that's going to happen is this going round and round in circles

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/04/2019 12:19

Let him sleep in his car; he's brought this on himself. Yes, he is totally messing with your head. Trying to make you feel guilty.

I've told him to end our marriage verbally and let's movie forward to make plans and decisions on proper access to the children and do it like adults. But he won't.

You don't need his permission to do this. See a solicitor yourself and get it started. Stop letting him control things. You can do this!

pushingdaisies · 18/04/2019 13:17

You need to get him out today. Phone the police, explain the years of gaslighting and abuse, and say you fear for your safety and are pregnant, and you need him out of the house. Ask if someone will be there while he gets his things and leaves.

If you don't make him leave now, he will carry on this 'will he leave won't he leave' debacle all throughout your pregnancy and when you've got a newborn baby (and 5 other children) to look after. His behaviour will do irreversible damage to your children and he needs to go. I'm stunned you have put up with this for so long and you switch between being adamant he's going and you're keeping the baby, to discussing the baby with him and what happens now.

He's never going to leave because he thinks you're too weak to tell him to go. He will get to torture you forever unless you put a stop to it right now. For your sake, and for your children's sakes.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 18/04/2019 18:15

You do r need his permission to divorce him or to do anything. Just kick him out..

Original poster

inthedarkx · 18/04/2019 21:57

I should have left him a long time ago 😢

OP posts:

Original poster

inthedarkx · 18/04/2019 21:58

I told him yesterday I want to move on with my life and he will leave

And he Said 'no one will go with you or want you with 6 kids'

He's just vile

OP posts:

Contraceptionismyfriend · 18/04/2019 22:56

And he will keep saying that! You need to stop caring.
When can you go and start divorce proceedings?

turnitdownanotch · 18/04/2019 23:24

I should have left him a long time ago

You'll look back when you have your baby in your arms and be glad you didn't.

*I told him yesterday I want to move on with my life and he will leave

And he Said 'no one will go with you or want you with 6 kids'

He's just vile*

Tell him it's of no concern to him who does or doesn't want you. You don't want him and he doesn't want you. Anyone else is irrelevant. However, does he really think he's going to beating the ladies off with stick, having six kids himself, but choosing to have a relationship with only 5 of them??

He's vile and thick.

Original poster

inthedarkx · 19/04/2019 12:00

Thanks everyone
I think my mistake was not getting legal advice. Which is down to worry of costs and ignorance really. There is a free drop in legal advice clinic I researched that operates in a first come first served basis in my area which is every Monday but can't do this Monday due to Easter holidays and bank holiday can't take the kids but will go the Monday after as it is free.

What are my rights in regards to the woman he went with whilst he left me the first time? If he goes back to her do I have a say on when my children have contact with her? Because last time he took them to her house 4 weeks after leaving me and lied to me about it which I didn't agree with. Do I gab to allow my children to stay over nights at her house as it isn't his place and I don't know her
I guess I'm just scared is what happens to my children when I'm not around as these women he goes with are strangers and would like my children introduced to them within time as I wouldn't bring random men around my children.

Also when it comes to access do I have to agree with all the rules he makes on what days he has the kids or if I say no to some days would that be me seen as being difficult in seeing them? And what about holidays? If he asks to take them on Holiday in term time do I have to agree with him doing this even though I could get fined by the school ?

I know these things sound so trivial but he will try to control EVERYTHING when I kick him out and will make sure I don't have any say when it comes to the kids

OP posts:

Dullardmullard · 19/04/2019 12:58

You can’t dictate what he does on his time.

If he demands refuse saying its. not convenient. Stick to the times you want

Every other weekend and 1 day a week for tea usually to start to see if he keeps that Up. If not it’s court and he raises it. Do not text or call everything by email only. Keep it to the kids on only

If in a joint house leave the key in the lock so can’t gain access And do drop off outside only

When are you doing the freedom programme.

Offallycheap · 19/04/2019 13:27

Saddest thread ever ever.

madcatladyforever · 19/04/2019 13:31

Did he use a condom? Has he heard of contraception?
If neither of the above then he doesn't get a say. He is happy to put you through a dangerous medical procedure that will possibly affect your mental health but not happy to use contraception.
Tell him to sod off.

Original poster

inthedarkx · 22/04/2019 01:42

Thanks again

I'm definitely going to see a solicitor. I've had enough now. Today he said 'I don't have to be with you' and I said yes your right but then why don't you leave. And he then said how can you tell me to leave when you know I have no where to go. He said 'why would I want to be with you now you will have 6 kids'
I said fine then leave but he goes on about having spent money in this house and him not having anywhere to go

It doesn't make any sense really. He's playing mind games. I'm going on the freedom project next week is the first session. I have to leave my son with him for 2 hours which I'm dreading but I need to go and I'm sure it will help me.

He keeps going mad at me for quotes I've shared on Facebook previously and having a go at me for it. I unfriended him the first time he left me but when I've shared some quotes it automatically shared as public and he went mad for that.

I wake up everyday angry and my blood boiling all day everyday, this can't be healthy.

OP posts:

Weenurse · 22/04/2019 02:35

Good luck 💐

ShinyShoe · 22/04/2019 04:07

You really need some support. The freedom programme will help. Speak to your midwife and gp about getting counselling. You need help dealing with him. He’s abusive. Also google solicitors in your area and book a free half hour appointment. A lot of the stuff he says is nonsense and not legal and can’t be enforced. You have more power here than you realise and he’s trying to keep you down. Have you done the online calculator for child maintenance to see how much he has to give you when he leaves? Also, what other woman is going to seriously want to deal with somebody who has got 5 kids? That’s probably the reason he came back to you. Are you even sure this other woman still wants him? You talk about him going back to her a lot. Taking on a bloke like him with 5 kids isn’t really what most women want so I think you should stop worrying about that. Deal with the here and now. You are everything to your kids and they aren’t going to ever prefer another woman to you

DoctorDread · 22/04/2019 08:18

Rumbletum2 · 22/04/2019 08:46

Just get him out! He’s a terrible human being.

MyOtherProfile · 22/04/2019 09:23

Could he be somehow hoping that he will be able to get some kind of housing by saying you kicked him out? Good that you have the texts he sent you.

Flip

1 2 ··· 13 14 15 ··· 22 23