Husband demanding an abortion

[inthedarkx]

I thought I would re post my post on here to see if I get more advice
Thank you in advance for reading.

So I'm pregnant with my 6th child. Won't go into details but I'm 13+1 and he immediately said I should have an abortion, no discussing it and if I want him to stay I will have one. I said I don't want an abortion and he said ok he will be gone just give him a week. He said 'good luck with bringing up 6 children as I won't be around full time' said I'm selfish on my kids.

I'm scared of going through an abortion at 13+1 and I'm also scared of becoming a single parent.

Let him go, you don’t need an abusive idiot like that in your life

What an asshole. I know my previous post vexed a couple of people but seriously, hand on heart, I wish you’d have walked away from him years ago and had kids with someone loving. But then, you wouldn’t have your beloved brood, OP. You poor soul. What a hot, dreadful mess. How can he be so horrendous and uncaring about the destruction of the entire family unit?

Let him go. Let him take the house stuff! They’re just things! What he can’t take away is that baby you so want in your life. I don’t think there’s any returning to happy families after all this.

This is a terrible time but it WILL pass.

So now he wants a life with some imaginary/non-existent, child-free, adoring groupie to fawn over him while he achieves his #goals. Has he always been an angry fantasist? And when this pretend perfect woman wants to play house with him and have kids, he’ll get the snip??

I’d be boiling with rage if I had to hear what you just heard.

What are you going to do?

Thanks everyone

I'm mentally drained right now. He's blaming me for everything saying I dragged him down over the years and I should 'ask myself the question' as to why he constantly chatted to other woman. I just don't want him to entice my kids to leave me and go live with him, he thinks buying a big house will make my
Kids want to live with him today he said 'I'm going to carry on with my plans if your out'
He means buying a house. I can't lose my kids

He is trying to scare you into an abortion op. That is all.

OP I am so sorry to hear this is happening

But honestly, why are you still engaging with this man?
Why would you want him anywhere near you?

Your children are growing up thinking this relationship is normal. But it is not normal. It's abusive.

Please listen to the domestic violence support worker and tell him to pack him bags xx

Thank you everyone
@Cantthinkofanythingrightnow
That's it now, I've learnt my lesson
He said to me today 'I need to think
Long hard whether your worth it'
Saying i 'drag him down'
And I ruin all his plans
The only plans he's had since are since I took him back Stupidly
He's blaming everything on me but I'm trying to block him out. I actually can't wait to see the domestic violence lady on Thursday because I just need to speak to someone. I think it will help me.
He said that when he leaves he will always be around and this will always be his family. I think he expects to still come and go as he pleases and have no consistency for the kids
He can take me to court if he disagrees and I don't know if the courts will agree that him leaving twice in one year and treating me he way he has he doesn't have the children's best interests at heart

the courts wont agree with him. dont listen and worry about his threats and in future i dont think he will be involved with the kids much.

Thank you, I've just received a letter from the hospital after my midwife did bloods saying I need treatment which appears to be iron tablets. I've never had low iron since 12 years ago after giving birth to my first. I'm worried now because I've not been eating as well as I should due to the stress and I'm worried all other vitamins are low and it will affect the pregnancy. This is deffo stress of recent events and I'll get taken the iron tablets right away and I'm seeing the midwife on Thursday.

Hand him a bag OP and tell him to fuck off!

I know this sounds flippant. I know it's easy for me to say this because I'm an outsider to your life, and this is your painful reality.

But my god, honestly, I read every single one of his childish, selfish, whiny, 'pick me', 'aren't you awful', 'aren't I great' comments on this thread and thought the default response in my head as 'lol, fuck off loser'.

Because that is the only normal and correct response to his whiny bullshit. He's horribly conditioned you to feel a reaction to these threats and manipulation. Me and the rest of us, sitting outside of it, can easily see it and him for what he is.

If a man was telling me he was thinking about whether I was worth it, I'd tell him to not fucking bother. I have no time for that nonsense, and I hope you find your way out of it too.

You need to split.

It sounds like you hate each other. A 6th child will make things that little bit worse

Thought I'd update my thread.

So I went to see he domestic Violence lady. She said talked me though things and saiid his Behaviour is wrong and he had some psychotic behaviours due him thinking he doesn't have to take any responsibility. She's put me on the freedom programme that starts end of April which she said would be helpful. And I agree. And she also said she would write me a support letter that I can to the housing near my mums to see if that helps my application so I can access support near family. Not sure if it would work but a fresh start is what me and my children needs.

He's not realised and accepted that I'm not having an abortion but said 'you will deal with it all, don't ask me to get anything or do anything it will be entirely on you'
Yet he's not said nothing about his next actions. I think this is cruel not telling me what's what so ok left In limbo but I guess that's what type of selfish horrible person he is.
It was helpful to talk to this lady and I just hope I can move away and get in with my life.

He's 'now' realised not 'not'

Tbh op that sounds to me like he doesnt plan on going anywhere but also doesnt plan on being any help or support to you

You would be better on your own. How old are your dc?

@IVEgottheDECAF

I'm just confused
He knows now that I'm not aborting and tonight I told him that he needs to start making plans now as he did say he would leave if I keep this baby and that I'm not worth it. And his reply was 'did I really say that'
Then said 'give me a break'

So now I think he's got an agenda.
Just need to move really and start again. Can't stand this anymore.

He sounds awful but you have both got yourself into this situation. Do you not communicate? What do you do for contraception? Clearly you both know that if you have unprotected sex you could get pregnant. After already having 5 children you were both irresponsible for not discussing it and sorting out a long term plan. Now look where you are! I agree though that you shouldn’t have the abortion and I’m glad you are getting some support as well.

Ihatehashtags
Well that’s really helpful of you; I’m sure the op feels so much better now.

I just found your thread, OP, and I wanted to express my support. You are doing the right thing. Hard as it may be, keeping your baby and moving away with your other children sounds like the best thing to do.

Don't let your husband manipulate and abuse you anymore. Seek all the help you can get, from family, friends, the midwife and the social workers. Consult a lawyer. It will be tough for a while but soon enough things will be much better.

Don't worry about the low iron thing, just take the supplements and try to eat as healthily as you can, but don't beat yourself about it if you are not always able to eat a great diet.

You are strong and a wonderful mom.

@billygoatgruff007 I’m sure most people are thinking it. And I also said I think her husband is absolutely dreadful. She would do well to get rid of him as soon as possible. If the op is still here I think good on you for seeking advice and I hope you tell him to take a walk!

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Your husband is abusing and manipulating you. It's great that you are seeking advice and support. Feel strong enough to take all the help and support offered to you and take back control of your life. Plans to move back closer to your family sound like good ones. You don't have to engage with him. You've already make some good decisions for you and your family (ie doing what you want with the pregnancy and not being manipulated to do otherwise, ending the relationship, starting to make plans for the future of your family.) What a strong and wise mother you are - you can do this!

Thanks again everyone.

@Ihatehashtags although at the moment I could do without judgement I do understand where your coming from about us getting ourselves into this situation. My life has been a mess since he left the first time and since coming back and the way he was treating me but I can't dwell on what's happened and just try to move forward. All I want is a fresh start and rebuild my life with my children and stress free. This is why I really really want to move closer to my mum and my gran so I am not so isolated. And from there I can make things right. All I can do now is deal with it.

The only thing is their father, he's what's causing problems and making my life harder

Would you consider it abuse to say to me that he would leave me if I kept the baby and then when o do keep the baby he's still here denying what he said because to me I think He's using me until he can sort his life out, pretend we are still together until he gets his life the way he wants then he will go. Would You consider that abuse? Because now every time I say to him that he needs to get things sorted now as we can't live like this and that he made his choice if I kept the baby.. he said 'I don't know what you want from me, I don't know what to say, I'm still figuring it out'
So he's basically keeping me on a stick but before his tune was different. Would you consider this as abuse.

I'm just going to send that letter into the housing when I receive it and hopefully I have some luck and can just move

Hiya everyone
What's the best way to deal with this ?

So my husband said he would leave me if kept this baby. He was adamant at that so I said ok thats fine then leave. I was getting my head around that happening again and now the tables have turned and he's saying I'm 'chucking him out' when he has no where to go. He said that I'm chucking him out because he doesn't want to be with me. So I ask him what did he expect to live here together but not actually be together? His reply is 'I'm struggling to adjust to this baby news'
So now I'm the bad guy for 'chucking him out' when he was the one who said he would leave
So what would other people do ? I had prepared myself for him leaving and now this. How can I stop him being spiteful towards me once I tell him to leave for real as I won't live on this atmosphere?

He has to go. End of. You can’t stay in a relationship with him, he’s a selfish, nasty bastard. He’s gaslighting you and you can’t live like that.

Do what you said, get the letter and see the housing people near your Mum.

What do you want Dark? Do you want him gone?