Husband demanding an abortion

[inthedarkx]

I thought I would re post my post on here to see if I get more advice
Thank you in advance for reading.

So I'm pregnant with my 6th child. Won't go into details but I'm 13+1 and he immediately said I should have an abortion, no discussing it and if I want him to stay I will have one. I said I don't want an abortion and he said ok he will be gone just give him a week. He said 'good luck with bringing up 6 children as I won't be around full time' said I'm selfish on my kids.

I'm scared of going through an abortion at 13+1 and I'm also scared of becoming a single parent.

At 13 weeks your toddler throwing himself at your stomach won’t hurt the baby. You maybe! ...but not the baby.

Op, you really need to take control.

He should not be calling the shots here, he is nothing but a bully.

I understand it's not easy for you. He has knocked all confidence out of you and ultimately taken away your independence over the years.

But you need to tell him to go, tell him you're keeping your much wanted baby

Don't wait for him to decide when he's leaving.

Your children won't respect a man who doesn't acknowledge their youngest sibling, your husband is nothing but a manipulative bastard who has you knocked down so much that you can't make any decisions.

Please decide to tell him to fuck off and that you and your six children will be fine.

I am one of 8. My mum also had 3 miscarriages. My dad left her every other year and finally she turned on him and threw him out. You can and you will be able to so this on your own.

What age are your children? Are there any teenagers among them?

I'm the youngest and my eldest sibling was 15 years old when I was born, we all made a great team. Years later I have no contact with my father - and yes, I feel a bit of resentment towards my mother for not leaving him years earlier.

Patriarchal thug.

If anyone ever doubted the link between sexist power trips and surnames your H has broadcast it loud and clear.

Oh... I didn't know there were 12 pages of this! Holy shit.
Anyway. I'll zap my posts.

Why are you still with him? You have posted for years under different names and he has always been horrible to you

@Overtheborder I'm sorry you and your mother went through what went through. I'm the opposite and I'm worried that if I leave him my children will Resent him for allowing him to leave. I'm also worried he will introduce my children to a new woman within weeks like he did last time and then my kids like her and I lose my children too. This is what terrifies me. I stayed with him and took him back because I just wanted my children to have a family with 2 parents and I didn't want them to have a part time dad. He never admits to anything
Every time I said to him, what would you do if you had a child somewhere else as a 'mistake would you walk away from that one and he says no because that wouldn't be right would it so I say well why would you walk away from this one with your wife, he said because its different your my wife and shouldn't be having anymore children, you have 5

Makes me sad that I'm seen less than any other woman. I can see him making life difficult again when he leaves.

What are my rights in him having contact and where he takes my kids do I have to agree to everything he wants ? He can be quiet intimidating and will do any thing without consulting me first and he will do things out of anger and spite to hurt me when we split up.. just feel so so depressed

You seem more concerned and scared about him being with another/ same woman, than you do your own welfare and what you want.

Why drag it out more? Stand up to him and stop being scared about what ifs. So what if he goes off with someone else, you surely can’t want a future with the abuser do you?

@Epona1 I'm not concerned with him being with another woman, I'm concerned about him introducing my children to her within a few weeks as they have been affected by him leaving once, they don't need to be affected by this so soon as well. And he will do it all out of spite without thinking about what's best for them. He's already made comments about my children maybe wanting to go live him when they get older. He just wants stuff his own way and to make me suffer

You need to end this. I can't imagine what hell your children are having to live with.

@Contraceptionismyfriend

I will be ending it. He's refused to talk at all now anyway and I know in his mind he's already making plans to leave again. The impact this is going to have on my children is not going to be great. I know I can do it on my own, with some struggle but I know I can. I just can't cope mentally with the upheaval he's going to cause leaving again.

What would you all think if your husband really didn't want a baby, you didn't want an abortion and he said he will leave if you don't? Am I being unfair to think that leaving me over this is wrong? Either way I can't stay with a man who would abandon me over this.

I would just tell him straight. I am not having an abortion and i will not be bullied into it by anyone.

You can! I don't think you know how strong you sound!
I worry more about what him staying is doing to you all.
I doubt what you post on here is half the shit he puts you through. And the children hear and see all of this.
You'd probably be so much more at ease on your own.
Please make sure you've got someone with you when he finds out and call the police if he begins to become aggressive.

I had it in my head that you can only abort of you were 12 weeks or below... I guess you could find out if you can actually have one...

Bless you... it's entirely your decision on this... but if he wants to go, let him... if he loves you he'll be back... if not, you know where his heart is... but this is something that you will have to live with if you have a termination... I say this because I have had 2 (bith times I got rid to save a relationship) and I really really regret it... well... maybe but I think about it and feel shitty when I have to declare it at examinations and stuff with the GP... perhaps if you could try to talk to your husband to see if he is serious... talk about your concerns or where you're at with it... if you don't know how youll cope, what your fears are... maybe he's just thinking that this was planned and you want another baby and he wasn't included in the plan... and having a conversation abiutbyour fears will help him feel less alone...

But seriously though... what a tw@t for saying That! Xxxx it mustnt be easy having this decision to make and shame on him for making you...

If you did go through with the abortion and he stayed, what would you think of him? And would you be able to forgive him for it? Xxx

I've been following your thread and think your ace. You can do this darlin. He is a utter twat.

When are you due?

My advice is to get him gone asap. And focus on you and your babies now. C'mon, you've got this x

What an absolute manchild. Please kick him out for your own sanity. You know you are keeping your baby so, take control and kick his ass out!

Keep in contact with your midwife about your mental health.

Hiya everyone
Thought I would update my thread

I've had my booking appointment with the midwife and she's got the domestic abuse councillor to call me which she did and I'm seeing her next week just to talk about everything that's happened. The midwife I have been assigned to is the same one I had with my son so she recognised my name straight away which is nice as she is lovely.

As regards to my husband, he has tried to changes tactics saying in one moment that he takes back what he said about him leaving me if I don't have an abortion but then the next moment he gets angry at the thought of me keeping it. He said he would rather me go through this procedure no matter how traumatic it is than me keep this baby. He said 'oh you'll be fine going through it' like matter of fact.

He also went to put a deposit down on a second hand kitchen yesterday ( we was planning to change old kitchen in this house and planned to buy it in future) but I told and warned him no we not doing anything major now as I don't know what's going to happen as I'm keeping this. I think he's done it to pressurise me even more to go do what he wants. I reminded him that he said he would leave if I keep this and now I am why get a kitchen ? And he said 'oh I'll still be doing this for my kids'
I told him I'll be trying to move closer to my mum and he went off on one about how I'll be making a big mistake.

I need to be ready for it all to blow up.. but I've now become secretly excited about this baby, yes it will be hard but I must be excited for a reason

I'm scared what's to come from him but will have to deal with that

I wonder how you will 'deal with that'. Good luck with everything. It's a hot mess. I hope it gets easier for you.

Well done OP - you're awesome.

Ignore negative threads like The VanguardSix.
You will be ok in the end and what a lovely little tribe you will have :0)

Seriously Vanguard? Is that helpful?

OP, I've been watching this thread and have felt for you throughout. I'm glad your health visitor is helping you and helping to deal with the domestic abuse aspect.

Keep planning for when it blows up, because it will. I bet your "H" is hedging his bets you will tow his line.

You are a strong woman, you can do this.

my dh also wanted me to abort our 5th. He uses but didnt use and was coerced into sex. But he didnt force me and although I was initially disappointed and felt stupid I got over I was excites. But he really wanted me to go through abortion I strongly beleive that if he realy didnt want the baby he should have used something or abstained. Regardless I kept it. Best decision. Hes an abusive twat anyway. Doesnt support us financially or any other way and im leaving him. My baby brings the whole family so much joy.
Good luck op

sorry for typos

OP, you sound like a strong and courageous woman. I've had exactly the same experience except that it was my first pregnancy. We were living/working overseas and ex fed me the same line - terminate the pregnancy or I'm leaving you. I felt very alone. He tried everything in his power to force the abortion - consulting doctors and telling me what a simple procedure it was, how selfish I was being, how it would interfere with the World Cup the following year. How he wouldn't pay a penny (he hasn't, in 21 years).

I pathetically kept hoping that he might change his mind. He had a camp bed in his office and would sleep there and then turn up sometimes, giving me hope. I once found some email passwords he had, things like miscarry, losethekid, adopt.

I had my DD alone and returned to work after six weeks. It was ok. My parents didn't want a single mother in the UK so I stayed overseas for six years, then came back here. DD is 21, wouldn't know her father if he passed her in the street and we are very happy.

On one hand I can't compare my situation with you having five children already but on the other hand - you're a pro at this motherhood business!! I just muddled through and did what I thought was right, whereas you have years of maternal experience.

Many congratulations on your baby and your decision.

Thanks again
I'm crying and upset again he's just had massive go at me saying he's leaving now as I've made a choice to keep it. Says if I don't let him stay a Month until he finds somewhere then he will take all the stuff he bought for the house and I'll be left with nothing. He said he will find a flat and find a woman who will push him to do the things he wants and who doesn't want kids. I'm so angry right now!

Op.

Fuck him.

He is trying to bully you into this. You dont need him or his shit.

Have you sought any legal advice?