Husband demanding an abortion

[inthedarkx]

I thought I would re post my post on here to see if I get more advice
Thank you in advance for reading.

So I'm pregnant with my 6th child. Won't go into details but I'm 13+1 and he immediately said I should have an abortion, no discussing it and if I want him to stay I will have one. I said I don't want an abortion and he said ok he will be gone just give him a week. He said 'good luck with bringing up 6 children as I won't be around full time' said I'm selfish on my kids.

I'm scared of going through an abortion at 13+1 and I'm also scared of becoming a single parent.

Can I suggest you see a solicitor, asap, to get some facts about what to expect financially?

OP

Firstly - talk to your GP. There are meds you can take during pregnancy for anxiety that are totally safe (I did - abusive H wrecked my MH whilst I was pregnant, kept ghosting me then coming back, amongst other things.) GP or MW can refer you to Peri Natal Psych too if there is one in your area.

Secondly - harness whatever you need to get through this.

Thirdly - prepare for the worst. As in, he ain’t around at all for any of the DC, figure out what you’ll do.

I’d also suggest kicking the fucker out RIGHT NOW so that your finances are sorted BEFORE the baby arrives.

Thank you inthedarkx

The system will be less lenient to your husband once he leaves you. He would need to provide financial help for every child including the little one. See the solicitor asap. You need to know what to do before he strikes. X

As you're married his name will automatically go on the birth certificate. He cannot divorce you without your consent until 5 years.

He will still have to pay child support whether likes it or not.

He sounds like a nasty man and he hasn't really been a good partner/husband from the beginning. He's been cheating and texting others from your first pregnancy.

I would also say you need to stop protecting him as you did last time by pretending you're still together. I would let each and every family member of his know exactly why he's left.

He can continue swearing on his mothers grave as much as he likes. Next time he does it, tell him you believe he will leave, you have no doubt he's capable of abandoning his family because he's done it before, but you intend to keep the baby, so he can start finding where to live.

He'll be paying child support for 6 children and most likely spousal support too.

If I was you I'd see a solicitor and get an idea about your financial position.

Practically, will you have access to money when he leaves?

Thanks everyone.

I will be seeing my GP because all this is affecting me. I will also make sure i have finances in place as soon as

He text me at 1:30 in the morning asking the address for the abortion clinic I'm going to be attending saying I told him previously I would forward it to him. Who does that at 1:30 in the morning ( he was at work) and hadn't even Text about anything else

Anyway I'm really worried because I was feeling flutters every day all day from this baby and since last night I've felt nothing. I'm worried something is wrong now and this is karma towards me.
I really don't want to lose this baby
I can't understand why all these flutters have gone from very active to nothing

He text me at 1:30 in the morning asking the address for the abortion clinic I'm going to be attending saying I told him previously I would forward it to him. Who does that at 1:30 in the morning ( he was at work) and hadn't even Text about anything else
Put your phone on silence before you go to sleep unless one of your children is out till late. He is harassing you, abusing you. Save all his messages and also write down what he says to you. It will be all useful in the future in case he suddenly will demand a whole custody of the children or else.

I'm worried something is wrong now and this is karma towards me.
OP, there is no such thing as Karma. It's all bullshit. There are plenty of horrible people in the world who live wonderful lives until they're 100 and so is their children etc etc. Karma only attacks innocent but ignores the powerful and rich ones. It was created for the same purpose as ten testaments so people would obey the law. My friend says that her ex plays a perfect husband to his new wife and a perfect father to their child and his new child. He left her for another woman. He was horrible as a husband. She says how strange that Karma doesn't get bastards.
Please relax and don't let him harrass you. See how it goes tomorrow with the baby and talk to your midwife if you still feel no movements.

Put your phone on silent, you don't need to listen/read his rubbish.

He is the type of 'man' who will leave you anyway, he's done it before he will do it again.

You will cope with this baby, because you already cope with the 5 you already have. And I'm guessing your older children will help out more then him anyway.

You need to take your focus from him and to whether or not he stays (for now) and focus on yourself and your DC. He no longer matters, his views and opinions are of no consequence for you.

If it was me I would have a bag packed with his belongings and next time he threatens to leave give him his bag and tell him to go. You don't need to live with unknown of whether he will stay or go. You need to take the power away from him and take it back to yourself.

If it was me I would have a bag packed with his belongings and next time he threatens to leave give him his bag and tell him to go.
Exactly. He wants to leave so leave now otherwise there would be constant threats and emotional abuse unhealthy for the unborn baby and other children.

You need to tell him that you're not doing it for your own sake.

You do not have to do this face to face.
You can text him when he's at work and if he comes to you angry call the police. But this has to end now.

Your baby is still tiny, it could be that they have turned around and you are not feeling the same flutters because of that. Your uterus will be a playground for them after five babies have grown there (my ds was 10lb and my dd was able to do somersaults in my womb with how much space he had pre stretched for her). I would look for other pregnancy symptoms. Take another pregnancy test and keep an eye out for any bleeding or cramps.

Can your Mum or sister be with you when you tell him or tell him themselves that he needs to leave? I’m concerned that he is still going on about an abortion clinic. Which means you are still continuing to have him in your home, pretending everything is ok. The longer this drags out, the harder it will be to tell him.

In your shoes I would pack a bag of all of his things, then take your children to either your Mums or your sisters. Have either your Mum or your sister return with you and be with you when you tell him that you are keeping your baby and that he needs to leave! If you end things, you are choosing to protect yourself and your children from a nasty bully and what’s more, you are taking away any power he thinks he has when he threatens to leave you alone!

You DO NOT need him! He DOES NOT love you or your children, if he can so easily walk away from you all! You and all of your babies deserve better!

Thanks everyone again

He calls it an inconvenient Featus

I'm just concerned movement has gone. Made me realise how much I really do want this baby

Is there anyone who can be with you when you tell him? You say you are scared of his reaction, perhaps this is the time to call womensaid and the police.

I'm so sorry your going through this.

Agree withshartfantastic may be a good idea if you can have someone with you when you talk to him about your decision. You mentioned earlier your sister accompanied you to the scan, could she not be with you for support?

Don't worry too much about movement this early on OP. With both mine I felt them around weeks 14-16 and then not again until week 24. They have a lot more room early on and baby has probably just moved into a different position. Stay strong and congratulations!

Thanks everyone again
@RaspberryBubblegum thank you I'm hoping that's the case. I've felt a lot more protective against this baby since.
Hes ignored me all night and day whilst at work. When he used to text asking how. Kings are and how kids are ect and usually said good night ect and good morning but now nothing. Seems like he's trying to reinforce some sort of control or make me anxious. I know he doesn't want the baby but I don't think this is the right way to behave and do things.

I agree with others that you’ll feel a lot better once you kick him out. He is doing nothing except causing you emotional pain.

I would screen shot the texts about divorcing you if you don’t have an abortion and email them to yourself and maybe even someone trusted so you can access them if you lose your phone / computer.

I would also ask him via text if he would really not acknowledge the new baby. Confirmation of that in print would be very handy too.

He has no intention of staying if he doesn't get what he wants, so you need to take control and throw him out. Don't wait for him to leave, you are giving him all of the control. You will feel much better mentally when he's not holding this over you, take the bull by the horns and tell him you have made your choice, and it's not him. Have his things packed so he can leave immediately.

Whether he wants anything to do with the baby or not, he legally has to financially support all of his children. He's wrong about life being harder if he leaves. Yes it will at first, until you adjust. Then you will realise that not having a manchild to take care of and all of the family decisions are yours to make, it will be alot easier.

I think he knows deep down I don't want an abortion anyway. He says he looked at all the options and come to conclusion he doesn't want it. I was supposed to go for a pre assessment tomorrow at Marie stopes but they've just called me back and said I couldn't have treatment at their clinic as they wouldn't be able to give me GA due to my heart issue ( I have SVT) after they got medical info off my doctor. so i have to cancel tomorrow and wait for the hospital to call me with an appointment and I don't think that would be surgical in the hospital either
BUT I don't want it and I'm going to be telling him and I'll just deal with whatever comes next.

Think you just need to bite the bullet op. Tell him straight and get it over with.

I was going to ask why you haven't told him you're keeping it yet. But just saw that you're sorting out finances. Excellent; how long will that take?

Get this horrible piece of shit and negative influence out of your life as soon as possible.

I hope your okay OP

Hiya
Thanks everyone

I've not officially told him I'm keeping it yet ( I'm genuinely scared of his reaction) deep down he knows I want to keep it. Every time I try and talk about me wanted to keep it or even if I just talk about the fact he left me in June he goes all cold and withdraws all affection and goes back to being nasty. He's only nice to me when everything is going his way. I saw the midwife yesterday and did booking appointment, she was the same one I had with my son and she's really nice. I told her about his behaviour and she's suggested I ring their maternity councillor and she will arrange a day to come and see me.

My husband really is a psychopath. My toddler just jumped full force in my stomach, my husband could see I was concerned about the baby and said 'is that all your concerned about?'
He really is a psychopath

Why don’t you just tell him you are NOT having an abortion & get it over with? There’s NO advantage to him being there & it’s just dragging it out. Sadly, I don’t think the bastard will leave, but you should find a way to make him leave.

The ‘nice’ things he says are just manipulative bullshit. He’s a nasty bloke who will keep fucking around behind your back or under your nose and he will leave again.

You were sad last time he walked out, don’t be this time. You’re worth more than this.