Husband demanding an abortion

[inthedarkx]

I thought I would re post my post on here to see if I get more advice
Thank you in advance for reading.

So I'm pregnant with my 6th child. Won't go into details but I'm 13+1 and he immediately said I should have an abortion, no discussing it and if I want him to stay I will have one. I said I don't want an abortion and he said ok he will be gone just give him a week. He said 'good luck with bringing up 6 children as I won't be around full time' said I'm selfish on my kids.

I'm scared of going through an abortion at 13+1 and I'm also scared of becoming a single parent.

I am horrified reading this. I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

Op - this behaviour is not revolting you as it should because you're used to it. You're used him being an arsehole. You have accepted him when he was behaving like an arsehole (for good reason, you were thinking of your family and no one can judge you for that). To outsiders his behaviour is horrific. Just hold that in your head if you can.

FWIW I don't think he will leave you. He might go for a bit, but he will try and return.

He is manipulating you, definitely tell the midwife about the behaviour, and get legal advice.

Just tell him.

He won't leave you but I bloody hope you leave him

I would stick by that child because that would be one mistake but your my wife do it's different you have 5 so you shouldn't be having anymore so I won't deal with this second mistake.

Eh? How does he think a baby is conceived? It was his "mistake" as well. He could have had the snip if he didn't want more children or worn a condom.
You have 5 so you shouldn't be having anymore.
What a fuckwit.

What are your plans to get rid of this knob?
He's an abusive arsehole blaming you for everything.

He just shows his true colours everyday
Every time I try to talk to him about not wanting an abortion he always goes on his knees and swears to god he will leave me if I don't, so I know it not an empty threat. I said to him in anger 'oh where will you go, back to that woman'
His reply ' you won't have control over my life, I can't tell the future so how do I know if I will'

He doesn't love me, how can you and then just walk away. Everytime I tell him how much hurt he's caused me he keeps saying
'You are finding a niche to try and keep this pregnancy'

I think back to the beginning and think why didn't I leave him back then. When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I found out he had been seeing this other woman as well behind my back, she got pregnant and she had an abortion ( her choice tho he apparently tried to convince her to keep it)
I was 17 at the time and didn't want to be a single mum. I had no support at the time. Why oh why have I wasted my life with this man

Please kick him out today; don't prolong it anymore, it sounds awful for you.

You know you're going to do this on your own and you know you CAN.

You've done it before.

Stop listening to his bullshit.

Do this for you and your baby. And your other kids.

Don't rue time wasted; look forward to life without this evil piece of crap making you feel awful.

I keep coming back to this thread to check that you are ok.
Have you told him that you have decided to keep the baby? I think you need to do it if not. It is damaging you having him mess with your emotions everyday in his attenpts to make you abort. You know he is likely to leave so let him. Is he likely to be abusive when told? Can you have a family member with you or outside when you tell him so you are not alone?
I'm so sorry you are in this situation. You deserve a lot better and I'm sure you are already aware that your children will not blame you for this. It sounds like he would leave eventually anyway regardless of whether you decided to abort or not.

Thanks everyone
I'm really depressed
I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for when he leaves.
When he walks out of that door is it safe to say he never really cared about me because he could walk way so easily?
I'm so scared he will eventually get my life to love with him of he goes back to 'the ex' he was with in the months he wasn't with me
I'm having panic attacks that he will be difficult after he leaves

With any of those scenarios you're picturing, you and the kids will still be better off without him.

Stop focusing on him, and think about you and your children and the amazing, happy life you can build without him.

He may have loved you in his way, but he still a complete cunt who has made your life a misery. Losing his love? Only a good thing.

If he goes back to that other woman? Just feel pity: he is now screwing her up instead of you.

Please stop thinking about how you've lost a complete wanker from your life, and focus on building a brilliant new life. You can do this. Go on!

Please chuck him out- take back control and tell him you don’t want to be married to the kind of man who bullies his pregnant wife into an abortion via threats of leaving you. Tell him to go and not bother thinking of crawling back this time! Tell him that he is not the man you thought he was and if he were your son you would be utterly ashamed of his behaviour. I would let his M know exactly why you have thrown her arsehole son out on his ear!

Op as others are saying you be the one in control, tell him to sling his hook and do what's best for you. Were all rooting for you. Here's a virtual hug x

Ahh you poor lovely! He is not worth wasting any of your energy on. It’s not so bad being a single parent you know, I was for a long time with no family support either but the children were my focus and we were happy, truly. I always wanted to teach them (I’m pregnant with 7th bye) that it is better to be single than with somebody who doesn’t respect you and cherish you. It really doesn’t sound like he does.

Abortion or not, your relationship is already over. There is no coming back from this unless you're gonna just tolerate a toxic relationship. Which I really hope you won't. You will be resentful about the abortion and he will use that as a excuse to leave you or you him or alternatively he is already planning it. There are no couples in this situation who have gone back to happy family. You will be a single mum either to 5 or 6 kids. And since you want the baby, it's your body and your choise.

Thanks

He's texted me today whilst he was at work reinforcing the fact that he will leave if I don't Have an abortion so at least I have the evidence in black and white.

I actually know a couple where the husband had found a new partner and on the same day that the wife found out she was pregnant, he announced that he is divorcing her and moving in with the other woman. He wanted her to get an abortion and she refused. They are divorced and to this day he doesn't acknowledge the child. He will pick up the older kids for dad weekends and dad nights but never the youngest. The kids have different last name and I'm not 100% air for the divorce was finalized before the birth so if he is marked down as dad. The kids are sweet and balanced. They do ask questions but this far vague comments have been enough but someday they have to explain this. But there really is even less traditional family models around so I'm sure you will be fine.

Don’t have an abortion. He should have thought about all this before he got you pregnant. I had an abortion for my husband ( it was twins- he didn’t want twins) 10 years ago. We have 4 beautiful children but the termination almost totally destroyed me. When you’re pregnant you’re vulnerable- just remember that. I am no longer with my husband. To be honest, I don’t miss him, and neither will you miss your OH. Don’t do it if it’s only for him. Please learn from my bitter, first- hand experience. Put yourself, your unborn baby and your other children first. Show him the door. I send you hugs.

@Rezie yes your right. It is toxic anyway because of the fact he left me before. If it wasn't this baby there was bound to be a reason for him to leave in the future.

I just need to look at what I'm going to do now going forward. I'll probably end up with nothing when he leaves as he bought a lot of stuff in house eg sofa, bed, arm chair curtains ect and I suspect he will take all this for his 'new place' but I will just have to try and do without until I can replace them.

Will have to got to appointments alone with my son but not too much of a big deal

Will probably give birth alone and my mum said she will have the other kids whilst I have this baby. I'm going to have to really plan it properly.
I don't think they will allow me to have a home birth.

I've decided if he says he doesn't want anything to do with this baby, then I'll put his name on babies birth certificate ( because otherwise it's unfair to my child) BUT I won't even tell him when the child is born, he won't know the gender, and he won't even see a picture of the baby. That way as time passes it will eat him up inside and one day he will crack with guilt.

He sounds an absolute arse. I am glad you are standing your ground and not being pushed into an abortion. I haven’t terminated a pregnancy, but out of my friends who have, the two who have really struggled to get over it are the two who did actually want the baby, and loved the man, but capitulated under pressure thinking that it would mean the man would stay with them. It just destroyed their relationships anyway.

as he can't possibly get a divorce before the babies born and you are married legally it is assumed that he is the father, if you were unmarried you can't put him as father without him being present at birth registration but as you are married you can,

Also even though he is being awful, it would perhaps be best for all kids to have the same surname anyway ( it is now your name anyway so he has no veto other that either) and now you don't even need to compromise over names the baby can just be
Ichoseyourname Darkx

OP, I felt very sad reading all of it. My support to you.
I can imagine how you feel but may I congratulate you on your pregnancy. The older children will help you.
Tell your husband that the baby wasn't a mistake but taking him back was. And do tell him that you shouldn't have taken him back and if he didn't want anymore children then he should have had a vasetomy. He is one of those men who blame women for everything. And how pathetic he looks by going down on his knees cursing and everything.
Also OP, do arrange a meeting with a solicitor.

P.S. I had an abortion two years ago because the baby was very unwell and the procedure was by giving birth after taking a pill and then on the day to have one pill in the vagina. The baby was 18 weeks. After 24 weeks the doctor told me they would use a needle to prickle the baby's heart to kill it and he told me that they hate doing it as it's very traumatic for them as well.

OP, talk to your solicitor about your rights. He can't just take away from you the stuff he bought. There are children involved not just you and him. Once he leaves change the locks but I would try to see the solicitor asap before he leaves.

Make sure you save that text and that it's backed up on the cloud or similar.

He can't just disown you or the baby, he'll still have to pay CM and if he claims the baby isn't his he'll just be told to have a paternity test. And then he'll have to keep on paying child support.

I'm pretty sure you're aware, but you won't be entitled to any benefits for this little one, are you able to manage regardless?

Also, I wouldn't worry about getting shopping in, you have a big family which means you'll easily meet the minimum payment threshold.

Have a look at the freedom programme as well, it can only help.

Thanks everyone.

@Itssosunny I'm so sorry to hear about your baby having health problems. 😢
One reason why I don't want to abort is because I can feel this baby move, to me it's a baby. And it's healthy ( as far as I know from the dating scan so far) so aborting isn't right in my mind. I do get where your coming from, the Doctors must hate stopping babies heart beat and it's something no one even considers that actually doctors must be awful on a daily basis.

I do understand I won't get any money for this baby but to be honest I don't expect any as I've decided to have this child and I'll just need to keep things tight and try to manage. I'm just terrified that he will get this nice house and another woman or even his previous one and convince my kids to live with them or something. And she will be taking care of my kids instead of me. It's giving me panic attacks!!

Make sure you apply for child support asap. Didn't mean to be dickish about the benefits thing btw, just thought it's worth mentioning.

Pretty doubtful your other kids would want to live with him and a strange woman, is he really close to the existing children? Did he even bother seeing them last time he bailed?

There is absolutely NO WAY that any woman will wat to have five/ six children move in and take over caring for them! I wouldn’t be surprised if he stops all contact with your older kids too. He is selfish and cruel and five children will get in his way of living the single life!