He asked why I haven’t waxed my arsehole and said...

[Michelledances]

“Most women wouldn’t want that to be hairy”

Said almost in passing but I feel uncomfortable about it. Am I being too sensitive here?

Oh, OP, what a horrible man. Well done for walking. Now make sure you don't get drawn back.

The only appropriate attitude towards your body from a sexual partner is amazed gratitude that you are allowing him (her in some cases) to get up close and personal with it. Anything short of this is shit.

He sounds an all round sexist (unwaxed) arsehole - the comments about shoes, the silent treatment. You are well rid. And as PP said, you are strong for realising this and getting out.

Relationships should add to your life, not take away from it. If you're finding yourself making excuses ("he's nice some of the time...", "well, probably I do have flaws...", "but he's got body issues too...") then this is not a relationship you want to be in. (Ask yourself whether you would ever have said to him "you know, you're a bit of a fat wabber..." My guess is you would not, because it would be a cruel and unkind thing to say, and you are a nice person. Now ask yourself why he did not extend the same courtesy to you.)

Michelledances. Please don't feel broken. This specimen doesn't deserve you at all - and sounds he is not only projecting his own insecurities on you but escalating into violence too.

You can SO do better, but being single for a while and being with friends/others who see your value is so much better. Block and delete. 🌹

Oh this is awful

Run fast!

michelledances you could be dating my ex!

I got out, felt 'broken' too, but actually I am stronger now than I was with him. They eat away at your self esteem, make you question everything and eventually they DO put their hands on you. That was the absolute final straw for me. I am rebuilding my life, my self esteem and I know that I am a good, honest, funny, happy person.

Funnily enough, he was very overweight too. There is a thing - the 70/30 so they will be nice 70% of the time and shitty 30%. Its the 70% that keeps your there and eventually that decreases until its the opposite way around - but you are so conditioned you accept it.

Id never have said I was not a strong woman, but he did break me to a certain extent.

I like the analogy that a PP said - awoken, not broken. That is exactly how I see things now that I am not with him. Please, get out and stay out, dont go back, they dont change!

You have wasted a year on this man. He is controlling and will only get worse over time. I wasted 20 years on mine. Don't be me - get out now

Oh Michelle this is awful. The more you've posted, the more serious I can see this is. The lovebombing. The moving from this 'you're so wonderful' stance to long silences, or undermining you to make you question yourself; using that old 'other women do/don't' mantra. All these things are hallmark patterns of the abuser, and the reason people can spot them a mile away is that the patterns rarely vary. I can also tell you that people like this don't ever get better. They escalate.

He's controlling, and the worst pieces of this picture are that he's using your most intimate moments in order to coerce and humiliate you. I don't think it's possible to sink much lower. The situation with the moving bed make me feel physically ill. Normal men simply don't do this. They don't. He is disgusting.

A year isn't a long time and if you're not jointly committed to a mortgage it makes things much easier to cut yourself loose. I'm not normally one who shrieks LTB as a first response. But I really think in this case, it's applicable.

So sorry you are going through this, OP. Never fails to amaze me how many of these abusive bastards there are out there. You deserve so much more than this

No just no. No man tells you what to do with your own body or what to wear. He can fuck off right now.

I will if you will. Here's my humungous man dil.

OP glad to hear you got out, is this a house you share or are you just going home and locking the door? Do you have any joint finances or anything else to worry about?

I think you've dodged a bullet there - you aren't broken, you are very strong to get out now whilst you still can, relatively easily, its clear he was going to ramp up the abuse.

@Michelledances you deserve so much better xx

This guy sounds pretty terrible based on the comments thing through.
However I do think it's ok to ask your partner about these things as long as you are nice.
Ie I've always shaved all my 'bits' and DW prefers that. If I decide to stop she can say 'I prefer when xyz' and talk about it.

However it didn't sound like your dH is coming from a place of love and respect for you, so maybe it's time for a hard think about the relationship

He wants to know why you don’t wax your anus and then why you don’t wear heels to work like the other women. Does he think you work as a stripper?

And now you’re getting the silent treatment, from a grown man.

He sounds an utter delight. You’re right, this should be your final straw, get rid of him.

Just seen your update, he threatened to break your fingers????

Glad you’ve left his home, do not go back there or to him under any circumstances. Whether you think he would actually hurt or not, the fact that he’s even thought it and then said it is disturbing.

Glad to see you found the courage to leave OP, what a cretin he is

Tell him if you wax your butt, it’s like impossible to do a silent fart

Run for the bloody hills. If a friend told me even half of what you have said here I'd be going spare.
He will get worse and he will suck the life out of you until you are not even you anymore!

Don't ever go back there. You can do so much better!

If he has the key to your place I suggest you change the lock ASAP and never, never go near him again

Michelle
At least it was only a year. Well done for taking the decision to put you first.

Why is he looking at your arsehole?!!

@FermatsTheorem that's great advice x

Cover him in wax strips, rip em off then say "there, job done!" Seriously though, from other comments, he sounds seriously nasty. You deserve better.

I remember getting a Brazilian wax once and was asked “do you want the back done too?” And I was like “eh no? Is there anything even back there?!” then it transpired that my brothers GF at the time was routinely in hospital every 2-3 months or so because she shaved her arsehole and kept getting ingrown hairs that would turn into a absysses and get infected and have to be drained (and sometimes stitches!!) and I still can’t understand why! Like sure there’s some wispy hair but it’s hardly a bushy forrestland!

I'm speechless !

I am home now. Thank you for the posts. Feel very lost.

I think I always knew it would come to this but still feels hard

Oh and he’s not contacted me. He won’t for a while I don’t think. He’s in silent treatment mode anyway.