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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He asked why I haven’t waxed my arsehole and said...

226 replies

Michelledances · 03/03/2019 09:28

“Most women wouldn’t want that to be hairy”

Said almost in passing but I feel uncomfortable about it. Am I being too sensitive here?

OP posts:
Cambionome · 03/03/2019 10:45

OMG - this is awful. Sad
I hope you are OK?

Transpeaked · 03/03/2019 10:45

My lovely

As others have already pointed out - you are with a prize arsehole who is happy to treat you like an accessory to be summarily (temporarily) discarded wheneve you do something he doesn’t like (and you’re expected to be able to read his mind)

I’m not surprised you feel bad token.

Don’t tell him you’re thinking of leaving - at best he’ll start hoovering.

Keep talking here. Make your plans. Find The Freedom Programme bear you and go to meetings.

Quietly exit and move forward into an arsehole free future.

UniversalAunt · 03/03/2019 10:46

Broken...

Dearest OP, you are not broken.
Just awoken.

He is doing the silent treatment because he can.
Leave him to it.
Desist from making contact, let the silence hang in the air.

If/when he makes contact, confirm you are done with him.

You have a better life in front of you.

R2G · 03/03/2019 10:46

Just dump him on the basis ‘you don’t make me feel very good about myself’. Only a year In, his comments should have you floating on air and feeling the most attractive woman to him. You can do much better than this.

underoverunder · 03/03/2019 10:47

Michelledances It sounds like you would be happier without him.

Don't be with someone for the wrong reasons for the sake of being with someone.

Zoflorabore · 03/03/2019 10:47

I'm not scared of waxing but would draw the line at this op.

Would rather have a hairy hoop.

EvaHarknessRose · 03/03/2019 10:48

Well done, thank goodness it was only a year. You have done brilliantly leaving.

MrsEricBana · 03/03/2019 10:48

He sounds absolutely awful. Don't ever go back. I'm very sorry.

ASurfeitOfDuncans · 03/03/2019 10:49

He's abusive. Leave his house NOW, not 'will leave'. He is abusive. Get your stuff and go. Block him ghost him. STOP dating for a while, a long while, to do the Freedom Programme and work on your boundaries.

limpbizkit · 03/03/2019 10:49

I know these comments are sad tongue in cheek to an extent but truthfully I wouldn't say anything goady to him (even though he deserves it) if he has got abusive tendencies he might flip and become volatile. I'd tell him the truth that you've found some of his comments strange and after some thinking you're not sure you're compatible. Your aim is just to get out. With minimal drama. If he tries to back down and make light of it just tell him that either way you're decision is made and you won't be changing your mind. No hard feelings. Take care. All that jazz. Then confide in someone you trust in real life what he's been like and that you've dumped him. You need some support and back up for when he starts trying to weedle back in to your good books.

UniversalAunt · 03/03/2019 10:50

I have just read your post about him threatening & intimidating you. FFS.

Do not go anywhere near him again.

If he has keys to your place, change the locks soonest.
Do it for your peace of mind & basic safety.

Willow2017 · 03/03/2019 10:50

Oh x posted.

After your last post keep walking do not go back no matter what. It won't stop at pushing it never does, please do not go back. Everything you have said screams abusive man.

DamonSalvatoresDinner · 03/03/2019 10:51

So he's overweight but can tell you that you should be wearing heels and waxing your arsehole? I have never even considered waxing there (because let's face it, not thing will ever make that pretty!) and I certainly wouldn't be wearing heels. If for some fucking mental reason you don't want to dump this piece of shit, tell him that you will consider wearing heels if he can manage to wear a pair for a full day of work. Let him know just how painful and unnatural it can feel when you're a flat shoe wearer. And then slap a waxing strip on his arsehole and see if it's something he would like to add to his regular grooming routine. Of course that would never happen because it fucking hurts and it's absolutely pointless to do.

He watches too much porn. LTB

Ruru8thestars · 03/03/2019 10:53

What a prick

Takethebuscuitandthesink · 03/03/2019 10:53

Make clear this is not acceptable and if it continues get rid.

KateyFi · 03/03/2019 10:54

@michelledances listen to your instinct. The content of the comment, the tone whatever it is, if it makes you feel uneasy and it's not a totally isolated incident, get out now. Moving on after a year is a heck of a lot easier than moving on after 5 or 10. Follow your gut reaction and move on to happier times.

BrusselPout · 03/03/2019 10:54

Never stay with someone that makes you feel broken, you are worth so much more than that Thanks

TheSerenDipitY · 03/03/2019 10:55

Not Broken
you should be thinking
im strong,
im strong enough to know im worth more than this asshole,
im strong enough to walk out the door,
im strong enough to love myself
im strong enough to know i have value worth far more than the scraps he was giving me
IM STRONG

Quintella · 03/03/2019 10:55

So he's threatened you too. OP. Sad That behaviour would only escalate over time. I agree that you should just get away without any drama, change your locks at home and let that be it. You've made the right decision.

Happynow001 · 03/03/2019 10:57

Michelledances: "Been together a year. He makes me feel I’m not enough for him, seems constantly disappointed then the next moment will be saying how wonderful I am."

Why are with this idiot actually? What positives are in this for you??

DoctorDread · 03/03/2019 10:57

In answer to a op saying 'he's not a piece of shit'

Based on your subsequent post - yes he is. And to coin an oft quoted Mn phrase 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them'

Glad you're getting rid!

DuchessOfPhysics · 03/03/2019 10:58

Late to this but for me it's the nature of using ''most women'' as a comparison to try and persuade you to do something that is the biggest turn off.

If he'd said '' when I kiss you down here, I'd enjoy it more if there were less hair'' then ....... OK (?) but to manipulate you by encouraging you to hold yourself up for comparison other women with higher standards [yuck]

DamonSalvatoresDinner · 03/03/2019 10:59

Oh I missed the threatened by violence part. There is absolutely NO REASON to remain in a relationship with this vile piece of excrement.

It doesn't matter if he is wonderful in every respect, if he violently threatens you, even just once, it counters every single good point he has a million times over.

Leave now. You do not need to stay in a relationship.

mummmy2017 · 03/03/2019 11:00

Your stronger than you think.
You just left him and you came on here to get advice
Mumsnet are a lovely of people, who will stop you feeling alone at this moment.
I agree with the fingers don't confront, just tell him he is right it is over.
The don't reply again, or he will do what bullys do, be nice to you to, try to draw you back. Far better to just not engage in the game.

Jackshouse · 03/03/2019 11:01

There is definitely one arse hole you need to get rid of and it won’t take a beauty therapist to do it.

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