Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Did I react to this ‘breakup’ well?

168 replies

Optimistic199 · 02/03/2019 23:26

I met a guy & we really got on. He would make lots of effort & there was a lot of chemistry.
Anyway, this morning I was on watsap and so was he.: whenever I would go offline so would he and when I would come back online so would he. He usually watsaps me as soon as he wakes up but today he didn’t I was about to say hello when he randomly text me ‘I don’t want to speak to you anymore’

I was a bit baffled but just said lol ok to which he replied ‘I’m serious’ I then replied back saying yes I’m serious too ok. And I then deleted him which I know would have really wound him up ( he would have seen my watsap pic go) he then deleted me too as his also went

It was a bit weird. We spoke on the phone last night for a couple of hours (as usual) and just on Tuesday he kept on saying he wanted a baby with me!!!

I have no idea why he would just randomly text me that. I would like to know why he had a sudden change of heart but I didnt want to embarrass myself so just left it but part of me thinks maybe he was testing me to get a reaction? This is something he’d do

Was I wrong to go with what he said without an explanation??

OP posts:
wishywashy6 · 03/03/2019 20:21

Still agree about the police OP, just in case this continues

He's either an abusive controlling wanker who is trying to reel you back in with this big game or he really has been found out by his wife and it's her trying to get in touch to find out more.

Either way you are well off out of it.

If it is the first, even slight responses from you will feed his desire to contact you more. It doesn't matter how clever or cold or witty your reply is, the fact that you reply at all in his eyes will fuel him to keep trying.

You've handled it perfectly so far, just make sure you keep yourself safe

Smotheroffive · 03/03/2019 22:25

You said he doesn't know your address, only the area,but also that you didn't go to his but yours, and he would pick you up, to go out. So he knows where you live?

Please ignore any advising that you reply, absolutely don't.

Do you know Katie pipers very shocking story. The moment she rejected him is when it all happened (the acid attack) - she had known him two weeks.

Original poster
Optimistic199 · 03/03/2019 22:30

Smother - no he would come to see me in my city (he lives far from me) but he would pick me up from the next street as something told me not to disclose my address as there was something about him

OP posts:
Chapter1 · 03/03/2019 22:35

Did he know it was the next street? Ie could he easily find you?

Smotheroffive · 03/03/2019 22:50

Thank goodness for someone said.....something about him

You are very close even by meeting in the next street. These people hang around after dark watcdark and asking; it happens irl.

Have you reported his actions to the police? This man might be someone that a woman has risked her life to get away from. It will do no harm and you are only stating facts.

Smotheroffive · 03/03/2019 22:51

*watching (not watcdark!)

Original poster
Optimistic199 · 03/03/2019 22:55

Yes he did know it was the next street...

OP posts:
Smotheroffive · 03/03/2019 22:59

How well do you know your neighbours?

If you do, then show them a photo of him and ask them to tell you if they spot him loitering around anywhere, and to deny any knowledge of you.

I not sure I can see the point in meeting in the next street and then telling him 'its the next street', feel I must be missing something? Have I read that right? Sensible 'someone' for their reasonable precautions in keeping safe!

Hubblebubbletripletrouble · 03/03/2019 23:06

Ugh he sounds horrible.
How did you explain asking him to pick you up from next street, not your actual address?

Original poster
Optimistic199 · 03/03/2019 23:14

He would drive so initially I gave him the wrong post code to collect me (first time we met) and he must have assumed I live on that street but once when we were driving back he said what’s the post code and I couldn’t remember the post code of the actual street that he used to collect me so I’d given him the post code of the next street to me.

OP posts:
Mrsmummy90 · 03/03/2019 23:19

Please don't reply to anything else as it's only spurring him on. Also, call the police!

Honeyroar · 03/03/2019 23:47

I’d be inclined to text “her” back and tell her to tell “her husband” that you’re keeping a record of all his calls and texts from other numbers and that if you get any more you’ll involve the police. You’re not interested in him or any contact with him.

Smotheroffive · 04/03/2019 00:21

Please don't do what honeyroar suggested. It's grim.

Are you still getting calls OP? Have you been touch with 101?

HappyLife21 · 04/03/2019 00:29

I agree that the OP should keep safe, but I think a lot of people are making some pretty big leaps on the basis of a few texts.

Poloshot · 04/03/2019 00:47

Sounds like you had a lucky escape from him

Honeyroar · 04/03/2019 03:24

Why is it grim Smother? Telling him you’re keeping a record of his excessive texts and calls and prepared to tell the police if he continues??

Original poster
Optimistic199 · 04/03/2019 06:56

Quite a bit happened last night. I know most will disagree with what I’ve done but..

The texts from the other person were getting more persistent and honestly I could sense that it was his wife behind it all and she seemed desperate. I said ok call me?

Before speaking to her I thought I’d find out why he gave my number so I messaged on one of the numbers he called from before saying can you not give my number out. He then replied a whole load of rubbish saying hear me out I didn’t want to say all that stuff to you etc etc he then rang me - I answered only to tell him can he stop contacting me and that I will speak to his wife as between them they have been harassing me all day

Anyway he started saying that he is separated from her but there was a mediator involved recently and he tried making it work but within a day she had gone back to her old ways and he is done trying. He then said all this rubbish like he didn’t want to say the things to me like he didn’t want to speak to me she made him. I told him that I don’t want anything to do with him and also as he’s given out my number to his wife and she keeps on harassing me, I will speak to her, to get her off my back. He then said oh she will lie and manipulate you but yes speak to her as I’ve been truthful and she knows everything. On the call he tried to sweet talk me by saying do you know how far I used to drive to see you, I wouldn’t do that if I didn’t like you and to give him a chance. I just told him that after this call I don’t want to speak to him and I’m only speaking to him now to let him know that I will speak to his wife.

The weirdo then said I must have upset you so much when I told you earlier I didn’t like you! I said erm no, did you see me getting upset? I told him I actually found it funny and it didn’t bother me at all hence my response. He actually said I expected you to go bezerk Confused and was shocked how you acted.

OP posts:
Chapter1 · 04/03/2019 06:57

Is there really a wife?

wishywashy6 · 04/03/2019 07:01

So did you speak to the wife?

Still all sounds like a big game and by speaking to him you're playing it for him.

I'd strongly advise you listen to what everyone on here has said

Smelborp99 · 04/03/2019 07:02

So he wanted to make you upset and plead with him. What a loser.

Original poster
Optimistic199 · 04/03/2019 07:09

The wife rang me and she said did you know he’s married and I said no. She seemed very upset and was telling me how she had been married to him for two years but out of that she has calculated that one year he has abandoned her

She told me that he abandons her for 3 months at a time and disappears and in that time goes with other women and comes back when he feels like it. She told me she was previously married for 15 years and has five kids and she was vulnerable and he preyed on her. She told me that they got married 4 weeks after her mum died

She told me about all his other marriages and that he has anger issues is very hot and cold how he love bombed her telling her she’s the love of his life, got married and then started acting up. She told me she doesn’t work and was having financial difficulties and he knew she wouldn’t go anywhere

She wanted to know how truthful he was about me so I told him I hadn’t known him that long & that we no longer speak. What he’d said about me was true though in regard to how many times we’d met and how long we’d known each other.

She didn’t seem to bothered that I’d been speaking to him but was warning me saying pls don’t have a relationship with this man he is dangerous. She told me she has had enough of him and doesn’t know what to do. She was crying and saying she needs counselling as he has ruined her life. She wanted to know what he’d said about her (it became obvious that she was the ex he referred to as having mental problems) but I didn’t tell her anything

What she’d said was that he had abandoned her for three whole months and blocked her off every platform so she couldn’t contact him. In the last week and a half a mediator had gotten involved & they tried to make it work. (In the last week and a half he has been calling me every single day for hours) I didn’t tell her that though. She says that she doesn’t want to make it work anymore and that he’s a serial womaniser and has had plenty of affairs whilst with her.

Tbh I just listened to her, it seemed like she needed someone to talk to. I was very careful in what I said about him and all I did was confirm what he had already told her.

I’ve not heard from either of them after that and I don’t think I will now.

OP posts:
unicornsandponies · 04/03/2019 07:09

I think your initial reaction was spot on. Now you're getting reeled back in.
I wouldn't rise to the bait it will get you nowhere.

DoctorDread · 04/03/2019 07:17

My god op this sounds like my ex! Steer well clear. Keep notes. Take screenshots. Record calls and report if it escalates. I had to and it resulted in a non molestation order, a police caution and now a court case. These people are poison

greatandpowerfulozma · 04/03/2019 07:20

I hope this stops for you now. From reading this thread it doesn’t sound like it will.
Goodness me be glad you got out before he charmed you into anything serious. Xx

wishywashy6 · 04/03/2019 07:20

Wow 😳 what a dick

Hopefully you won't hear from him again now but if you do, ignore ignore ignore

Swipe left for the next trending thread