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Original poster

Did I react to this ‘breakup’ well?

168 replies

Optimistic199 · 02/03/2019 23:26

I met a guy & we really got on. He would make lots of effort & there was a lot of chemistry.
Anyway, this morning I was on watsap and so was he.: whenever I would go offline so would he and when I would come back online so would he. He usually watsaps me as soon as he wakes up but today he didn’t I was about to say hello when he randomly text me ‘I don’t want to speak to you anymore’

I was a bit baffled but just said lol ok to which he replied ‘I’m serious’ I then replied back saying yes I’m serious too ok. And I then deleted him which I know would have really wound him up ( he would have seen my watsap pic go) he then deleted me too as his also went

It was a bit weird. We spoke on the phone last night for a couple of hours (as usual) and just on Tuesday he kept on saying he wanted a baby with me!!!

I have no idea why he would just randomly text me that. I would like to know why he had a sudden change of heart but I didnt want to embarrass myself so just left it but part of me thinks maybe he was testing me to get a reaction? This is something he’d do

Was I wrong to go with what he said without an explanation??

OP posts:
OhamIreally · 03/03/2019 15:46

Pretty persistent for someone who doesn't want to talk to you! Grin met his match with you!

Original poster
Optimistic199 · 03/03/2019 15:51

He sent me a message from another number saying ‘give me a call, I need to explain what’s happened, be open mind pls’

Wtf lol what is there to explain?! He told me he didn’t want to speak to me, that he doesn’t like me so why would he need to explain anything!

Feel so tempted to text back saying F OFF but silence is better I think!

OP posts:
Chapter1 · 03/03/2019 16:01

You’re not going to get rid of him that easily I’m afraid.

lifegoes · 03/03/2019 16:10

Knew he'd come back.

He's seen something on your social media he didn't like? (Or he's made something up in his head)

He seen you were on WhatsApp lots and didn't message him, so you are seeing someone else.

But my money is on - he's with someone else and it's complicated.

lifegoes · 03/03/2019 16:11

Unless that other phone is his work phone I'd question why he has it.

Sparkletastic · 03/03/2019 16:20

Maybe he was negging you and it has spectacularly backfired on him

Smotheroffive · 03/03/2019 16:24

I know you said he wouldn't but that was based on lines he'd fed you previously, and now you know who he is. Highly manipulative in creating who he is and what his expectations/boundaries are.

He wants to be able to play cat and mouse with you, dangle you on a string. Unfortunately, this kind of behaviour often leads to threats and actual violence.

Like pp said, don't open the door to anyone you are not expecting, and I would also log your concerns now with 101 about his behaviour and your concerns.

Tell them the number of calls and his verbal insults despite telling u you're dumped.

There is a huge red flag, court/DC! This might indicate he is in fact very dangerous.

By making a complaint with the police it will link to any previous action against him.

You didn't say court ordered against him for contact, with his DC, but him not seeing his DC; if courts have done this then the situation is very extreme and violent, as fathers right to dictate contact are paramount in court, its very rare, even in physical and massive emotional and psychological harm that he wouldn't get contact. Please make sure you act sensibly to keep yourself safe. He is one angry MF.

You could make your approach to police by way of Claires laws, and they can disclose his record to you for your safety.

Lefty1 · 03/03/2019 16:26

This guy is sounding unhinged , it’s rather scary. Echo what pp said about not answering any unexpected house calls OP. I watched a programme on stalkers recently and a popular “trigger” is rejection.

Spacecadetagain · 03/03/2019 16:31

This is exactly what my ex did when on one occasion I ended it and went no contact . He went beserk basically . Had people spying on my fb . Called me on a private number repeatedly and turned into the very thing he accused me of being .. a stalker .. yet when he dumped me again last Monday he denied all this and said that I’d harassed him during this time . This man is furious because essentially you aren’t playing the game . You were supposed to beg and plead .. not calmly walk away

poppingoff · 03/03/2019 16:33

give me a call, I need to explain what’s happened, be open mind pls’

I'd be so tempted to text back "What you need is no longer any of any concern to me".

But you are better off just to ignore.

He's a daft twat who has realised his initial drama queen act hasn't had the desired effect.

Waytooearly · 03/03/2019 16:41

Oh definitely ignore. Silence is best here.

I know you want to delete the text but you might want to save it in case it ever escalates and you need to make a police report (sorry--safety first).

nrpmum · 03/03/2019 16:57

Please log this with police. Keep a diary of everything as well in case you need it. I am hoping he will just fuck off for you but people like this rarely do.

ErrmWTAF · 03/03/2019 17:14

Well done, OP (and others) for having such good boundaries.

Of course you're going to second-guess yourself a little. We're socialised from girlhood to be "nice" and not taught how to spot the freaks or what to do when we find them. So, let me buy you a big drink - you're brilliant!

Original poster
Optimistic199 · 03/03/2019 17:15

Smother - what he said about the access was that ex stopped him seeing kids and it went to the high court and he hasn’t seen them in over 3 years. I’m assuming the court must have ordered it but he didn’t explicitly say it

OP posts:
ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 03/03/2019 17:17

Wonder if he's still married and his wife found out and that's why you got the messages out of the blue as maybe she made him send them? Happened to me last year, I had no idea and he said he'd been single for 2 years. We were together 9 months and he hid it so well as I had no idea but clearly he dropped his guard at home and got caught!

Smotheroffive · 03/03/2019 17:51

Very serious indeed if it went to high court. Please take steps to keep yourself safe.

Smotheroffive · 03/03/2019 17:55

Ah yes, thats what id got from your pp, but whether he was denied contact, or he has relinquished all contact with his DC, is due to him being highly abusive.

You are dealing with a very high ranking abuser based on a scale of his traits, the stalking one is also of particular concern (the repeated calls and demands for your attention, post rejection)

Original poster
Optimistic199 · 03/03/2019 18:00

He’s called me 8 times (each time letting it ring for ages) in the past couple of hours. I hope he gets bored of it

Erm I’ve learnt a massive lesson as I honestly didn’t think he would bother calling back

OP posts:
Rubadublin · 03/03/2019 18:05

Weapons Grade horror.

ErrmWTAF · 03/03/2019 18:09

Call the police now. This has tipped over into proper stalking.

wishywashy6 · 03/03/2019 18:13

Please call the police OP

I'm assuming he knows where you live? If so, can you call a friend to come over for the night? I don't want to sound dramatic but I'd keep your doors and windows locked, he sounds like an absolute nutcase.

Stay safe Thanks

Lozza555 · 03/03/2019 18:18

Reminds me of an ex, i was with him for 2 years. Vile man he was. I blocked him and he phoned me on witheld all the time. Once had 56 missed within 1 hour and this was a week after I finally ended it. Waiting for me outside work late at night (10pm lock up) when I was on my own. I phoned police on him for stalking me. He eventually backed off after that.

Original poster
Optimistic199 · 03/03/2019 18:18

Nope thank god he doesn’t know where I live, he knows the post code of the next street but not my exact street.

I think I will put my phone in aeroplane mode! I don’t think he’d do anything stupid he lives too far to try and find me or anything

OP posts:
Lozza555 · 03/03/2019 18:20

*missed calls

NotANotMan · 03/03/2019 18:21

Do not answer him or any of his texts. Just grey rock him. Put the ringer on silent and ignore.
Take screenshots though of all the missed calls in case it escalates and you need to report it to the police.

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