Embarrassing advice

[midlifecrisis12]

I'll keep this as short as possible.

I'm in my fifties - haven't been in a new relationship for 30 years.

I've very stressed. A very romantic weekend has been booked - no-one has ever done this for me before.

But I have absolutely no clue what to do in the bedroom.

Am I expected to wax? What about underwear? I don't even know what sexy knickers are when you're old and overweight.

ANY advice VERY welcome!!!

You don't have to hide using lube.
It can be part of the whole sexy process. Get him to rub it on you and rub it on him. On your nipples etc.
People use it all the time. I certainly wouldn't use condoms without it and I certainly wouldn't be shagging a new person without a condom!
You will have to come back and tell us how it went op

Ah thank you Mrs - I didn't realise that!

How quick? It's complicated - has been coming a long time but the physical side seems quick.

Yes I totally want this I'm just nervous

Find an excuse to go down to the lobby (to order G&Ts, for example), and poo in the loos there.
Yes yes to tidying the bikini area.
You can certainly get nice knickers that aren't red lace dental floss - maybe choose a matching bra and knickers set (M&S, bravissimo) as matching looks flattering. Fake tan everywhere (brown fat looks better - haha!).
Don't forget he may well be nervous too. Has to show this new woman in his life his knob for the first time and doesn't want her to be disappointed!! Wonder if he'll 'manscape'...

Well would you like him to tidy up his stray grey pubes? If yes then tidy yours. Would you like him to wear some smart pants or do you not care if he's in some grey moth eaten things? Do the same. Are you generally intending to dress nicely? You get the idea

A romantic weekend is lovely - just make sure you are comfortable with whatever you do - romance doesn't have to mean sex, if you aren't sure or aren't ready, don't feel pressurized to have sex this weekend, just because the weekend has been booked.

Play it by ear, see it as a chance to get to know each other and do romantic stuff together, and if sex feels right then you will feel relaxed about it, because you will be at ease in his company and want to go on to the next step.
Don't start using a load of stuff you aren't used to (lube is not an essential - don't make yourself uncomfortable by thinking 'when am I going to bring out the lube).

Remember if he is a nice man he will want you to be comfortable and happy, and he will be nervous too. Just be kind and thoughtful with each other and all will be well.

Thank you - yes great advice about going downstairs!

I suppose I couldn't care less about his pubes but I would be a bit freaked if he had awful pants! My pants are always nice just not necessarily sexy!

Why is everyone envisaging some sort of awful old man?! 50 is not old!!!! Do whatever you want that makes you feel comfy OP. robe sounds a lovely idea as does a little tan and pedicure. On a poo note, I’d definitely go downstairs or take some Poo Pourri or VIPoo. Works great! Enjoy yourself

I’ve never had a man complain about my pubes (or lack thereof). Ditto with underwear. I’d suggest a trim but no more unless YOU want to. I also love the suggestion about going down to the lobby for a poo!

Take a small spray can of air freshener for the loo. Don't worry about your bush.

I would pop some of that VIPoo into my wash bag and place it somewhere o the side in the bathroom. That way it's there ready in case you need to poo in the hotel room loo! Oh and either drop and flush or throw down some toilet roll first to disguise the noise

Buy some VIP pop for the toilet. It's an essential oil spray (or similar) spray first, poo and the smell doesn't waft up due to the spray. I've seen it in my local Tesco but available on amazon. Forget underwear wear a nice night dress. X
Have wonderful time.

OK so lube and air freshener added to my list - I hadn't planned for either of these - anything else?

WineIsMyCarb and kurrikurri are both right! Tidy up your lady bits as much as you want. And crack on! He knows how lucky he is you’ve agreed to a weekend away and will be doing the same. Most of all do not over drink... Dutch courage is 2/3 drinks! Good luck op

You are who you are. That’s it really.
You might be too nervous to poo.
I really wouldn’t take vip poo thing.

Just be yourself. That’s the most important thing.
Lube, I don’t know, that’s entirely dependent on your body.

And agree. Really watch the booze intake. If your nervous it can go a bit haywire

A nice pair of matching underwear always makes me feel confident!

Just relax and enjoy yourself.
If you're going to a nice hotel, he obviously really likes you so don't worry about putting on a show.

Hope you have loads of fun!

He likes you, hence the weekend. He knows your age and size. No need to worry. Just get the daft idea that you're past it/old out of your head because that could spoil your fun.

Have a poo before you shower. Set the shower running*, have your poo, then hop in the shower once you’ve finished. Any odour will have time to disperse, and the smell of shower gel will mask it.

*The environmentally-friendly feminist in me is horrified that I’m doling out this advice, but needs must.

First time with dp I was worried about being bigger than his ex....so I wore a basque and suspenders.

I really don't think he noticed my extra pounds
Basque and lace top stockings hide a multitude of sins!!

I felt way more confident.

Take a bottle of Prosecco. Wear nice confidence giving undies, perfume and enjoy!

Check out V.I.Poo.It's a small spray which you squirt on top of the water in the toilet pan before you poo. It traps the smell of the poo under the layer it forms (undetectable).

JustHere you need to change your name to JustHereForThePooAdvice

Practical advice from me coming your way....
I have just started studying nursing and I am considering specialising in sexual health or mental health at the moment as there is not much support here in Australia set up for peri/menopausal women. Meanwhile, the sexual health statistics I have learned for women of our age and those slightly higher are absolutely mind-blowingly terrifying. This is largely due to re-partnering, etc.

DO NOT TAKE YOUR SEXUAL HEALTH FOR GRANTED!!! No sex without condoms without full volley of STI tests for both of you and do not get talked into it. None of that " Don't you trust me?" bullshit. It's just ridiculous.

Poo pourri is the way to go!

I'm in my 50s too. I wouldn't have wax - I have never waxed my foofoo and never had any complaints, either.
Lube is good, and a bit more necessary at our age - you can get it online or in chemists (it will be near the condoms) or at Ann Summers if you've got a nearby branch.

I'm sorry, but the emphasis on pooing is really cracking me up It's just not mentioned in romantic novels! . I'd definitely be finding somewhere other than the en suite if I was with someone I didn't know very well!