Embarrassing advice

[midlifecrisis12]

I'll keep this as short as possible.

I'm in my fifties - haven't been in a new relationship for 30 years.

I've very stressed. A very romantic weekend has been booked - no-one has ever done this for me before.

But I have absolutely no clue what to do in the bedroom.

Am I expected to wax? What about underwear? I don't even know what sexy knickers are when you're old and overweight.

ANY advice VERY welcome!!!

"Trendy Performing a basic bodily function such as a poo might be a fact of life, but the smells and sounds aren't exactly sexy or glamorous for a first weekend away with a new partner! "Hold the champagne, darling. I'm going for a big dump - hold your nose! ""

How noisy/smelly are you...?

Is this a man you've been seeing for a while? Is it a romantic break or is it someone you've been chatting to booked a hotel for sex? I don't often get concerned about people I don't know on the internet- sorry! But you're my mum's age roughly and I'm worried that you don't sound fully comfortable about this scenario.
In the first case, just remain the same as you always have, I'm sure he won't be expecting you to be any different just because of the setting.

threesixnine needing a rucksack **

Buy yourself a new set of underwear from M&S in a style that suits you, perhaps a new silk nightdress as it covers lumps and bumps. No need to wax, but a trim with scissors perhaps and shave bikini line if it's a spa type place. A swimsuit you feel comfortable in is a must, I have one from figleaves that's fits the larger woman perfectly with strong Lycra!

Don't over think this. Tell him you are nervous and laugh about it. He'll probably admit that he's nervous too.

Ps as to your bathroom concerns, use the communal ones near the bar if concerned, no that anyone cares (and slip air freshener in your case if you are ultra worried). Yes take what you need but a thoughtful man will bring his own (we are assuming a man, apologies if we are wrong!)

Honestly OP whilst lube, condoms etc are practical sensible essentials, and shouldn't be embarrassing items really. You don't actually sound comfortable with the scenario in totality. Would it not be better to discuss your concerns and questions with the man in question. This stuff may feel embarrassing but it's normal discussion in a healthy relationship and if you couldn't talk about preferences boundaries or worries with him, I'm not sure sex, that also feels too soon, is a great idea, or something you'd end up enjoying. It's a 2 person activity, not something he does to you that you need to meet a standard for.

Sex when you're holding in a bowel movement/wind/full bladder is probably going to be uncomfortable, I know I'd have bloating and not feel great. I'd also probably get cystitis afterwards if I were not going for a wee.

Can you not book separate rooms on this occasion and relax into it, from your concerns it sounds like that would suit your current wants and needs far better. You can always stay the night in his room if it ends up that way then pop back in the AM to yours as your stuff is there etc. What you want is the most important thing here, not trying to conform to look normal, or comparing to people here who are more carefree about it. If you'd prefer that just say "I've decided to book my own room as it will make me feel more relaxed, but I'm really excited to spend the night with you" or whatever.

Or have sex for the first time at home, where you'll be more comfortable. Making a big event of it is rubbish for nerves.

You need VIPoo.

I was very sceptical but it really works.

@Wakk Agree 100%. It's a game changer.

Booking seperate rooms would be costly and send the wrong signals, hardly sex positive.

I have often had sex with people before sleeping (overnight) with them myself.

But the event is arranged now, let’s stop worrying about natural bodily functions and let the OP focus on sex with passion.

He might need a number 2 as well.

Are you sure you dont want another room to yourself? I would!

If you've not spent a whole weekend together before is there a chance it's too much too soon? How far from home is it if you decide it's not working for you?

Trendy: "How noisy/smelly are you...?" Well Trendy, that's a very personal question. Maybe I have bowel troubles. Maybe I have allergies that make me react to certain food or drink. Maybe nerves would affect how windy I am. I mean if you really are desperate to know I can give you the full breakdown of my poo process...?

annie. No assuming required...

^I suppose I couldn't care less about his pubes

I recently had a first romantic weekend away, here’s what i did that helped me feel sexy and relax:

I used a beard trimmer to trim my pubes to a number one

I showered before leaving the house and used the sanctuary sugar scrub all over my body. I smelled incredible and was super soft.

I wore a matching bra and knicker set from victoria secret where they fitted me for a really good flattering bra. The knickers were comfortable but had sexy detailing.

I wore nice perfume but lower down than my usual neck area so bf could kiss me without being poisoned.

I brought vipoo and left it in my wash bag but nerves made me well dry up shall we say so i didnt go the entire weekend lol. BUT at least i had it on standby.. the lavender one is nice..

I brought a mini cb12 mouthwash for ultra oral hygeine.

Top tip:
If you wear suspenders put your knickers on over them so they can be removed easily whilst leaving the sexiness of the stockings and suspenders still on!

If this person wasn't attracted to you as you are, they wouldn't have booked a romantic getaway, do whatever makes you feel comfortable, treat yourself to whatever makes you feel pretty and confident, the sexy will then then come naturally. Don't be afraid to tell them you are nervous, if this person is someone that deserves you, then they won't do anything that is going to make you feel uncomfortable.

Think of the advice you would give to a younger woman in the same scenario, and then follow that advice, it doesn't change as you get older, it just gets harder to believe :) but it's still good advice.

I'm over 50 and in a newish relationship, so I get the nervousness!!

I always carry a pouch of those disposable, flushable "hygiene wipes" with me in a sandwich baggie, in case there isn't time to freshen things down there before romance. I've always been a bit anal about shaving things completely because I just don't like hair, in general. lol It's easy to maintain in the shower, and I've been doing it since I was a teenager.

I agree with other posters, too, about breath mints.

A small bottle of liquor in your purse for a quick nip goes a long way to help you relax. lol

There's nothing sexier to a man than a woman who enjoys herself in the bedroom, so have fun!

My advice is do whatever makes you feel sexy. Whether that is investing a nice underwear, make up, getting you hair done etc. It doesn’t matter what sexy IS because it’s what you feel. Best of luck, just remember to enjoy yourself!!!!

bluedamsel - We sound very similar in many ways. I carry a small make up bag with wipes, tissues, spare knix, disposable razor, tic tacs and, dare I say, condoms, without getting shot down in flames on here? I call it my “Get Lucky” bag.

Yes to lube.

All this pooing stuff - I pop once a day and it takes five seconds and doesn't smell* and that's that.

Why do you all do such smelly poos you need a weird spray?!!

*unless I've had a v spicy curry or massive night on the lash

Thank you so much for everyone's really helpful suggestions. And thank you to the people who understand my worries.

Thank you to people who are concerned I'm not happy with this - don't worry I have known this person for a long time. I'm just nervous - if I left it another year I would still e nervous!

OP, go for it. Talk about are you ready is not helpful. It sounds as if you have waited long enough. Is the celebration soon?

I hope thingscturn into a lovely friendship.

Oh, and for goodness sake don’t pack a nightie. Some people will be suggesting a book to read in bed next.
x

Can I just add, if you're buying new underwear, get an extra pair of knickers (or two).

Nothing to add to the wisdom of the above posters but I just wanted to say I hope you have a really great time on your weekend adventure.I think it might help to remember that he obviously thinks the world of you and wants to be with you that in itself should be enough to calm you! Have fun lovely lady and just enjoy every minute.