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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship ended.. anyone else?

417 replies

dilly123 · 24/02/2019 16:27

Relationship ended today.. I know I'll be ok because I've been through worse but today I'm just feeling sad & disappointed..

For anyone else in the same boat.. sending you Thanks & positive thoughts!

OP posts:
bombaygin · 11/03/2019 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dilly123 · 11/03/2019 22:09

Definitely @bombaygin

That's what makes me angry that my ds 7 became quite attached to him. ex made him promises of things he'd do with him and now he's gone not even asked if ds is ok... I'm extra sensitive on this as ds's dad has never wanted to be involved.

If someone can be so dismissive of other people's feelings especially children then they don't deserve to have people care about them.

I've had dozens of very vivid dreams over the years that ex is found dead alone of something connected to his cocaine use & I really wouldn't be surprised if that happens one day! Don't think he can live or face a normal happy life it doesn't have enough buzz for him.

OP posts:
ImpracticalJoke · 12/03/2019 06:02

How is everyone this morning?
So I promised myself I would go back to work today. But I'm sat here feeling like I could have a panic attack. He left on Friday night so I've had the weekend and I took yesterday off. I know this isn't long enough to grieve over such a long relationship but I keep telling myself the longer I leave it the harder it will be to get back out there. But if I'm at home and the kids are at school then I have no one. I'll fall apart.
Anyone else having this trouble?

PorpentinaScamander · 12/03/2019 08:12

I feel awful this morning. I broke down last night. I couldn't breathe. My brother came round to calm me down.

I feel really sick and on edge today Sad

I'm not due back at work until next week anyway as I was already signed off. I've got a drs appointment later and might ask them to up my dose of anti depressants.

Everyone thinks he's just freaked out and that he'll be back when he sees how he misses me. But he might not Sad

Hugs Impractical I totally understand where you're coming from. I know if I cry I won't stop. But then again crying can help. I feel sick.

Mami16 · 12/03/2019 08:24

Morning all

Just want to send big hugs to all hurting. I've been there, last year it was awful.

He'd leave then wanted to come back, lies, left me again, hot and cold. I had to say no more, it's not healthy and when we did try again I was constantly thinking is he going to leave again.

It is a horrible time when you are hurting but what I found out was once they've done it once and you take them back they think they can do it again and you'll always take them back. It's no way to live! They will treat you like a doormat, they loose respect for you and the abuse starts!

For all that's hurting it really is temporary, yeah still get bad days but it's nothing compared to how you feel now.

Keep strong!

NASA20 · 12/03/2019 08:54

Your all so strong ladies.

My husband left at the weekend, things were horrible, he has a drug addiction and I wasn’t happy so I just can’t understand why I’m feeling so heartbroken surely I should be glad he’s gone? I just love him so much and I feel so rejected like I wasn’t good enough for him.

I’m strong all day at work but when I get home I just break down, just want to fast forward 12 months.

The thought of him being with another woman, telling her she’s beautiful, being happy just makes me want to walk in front of a bus.

dilly123 · 12/03/2019 09:08

I've got a girls night out Friday which I'm really looking forward to (been a long time since the last)! Dreading having to go through the story to those I've not spoken to since the split. Totally embarrassed that it's happened a 3rd time when I spent so many months singing his praises saying it's different this time & he's changed!! But I'm going to get dressed up & show up!
Might even have a flirt just to build my confidence back up..

To those who need more time to feel stronger take it if you can it's a great healer

OP posts:
KismetJayn · 12/03/2019 11:09

He just asked my best friend out.

After saying he didn't want to split again.

Did he think she wouldn't tell me? Seriously??

dilly123 · 12/03/2019 11:37

Oh @KismetJayn

How hurtful for you.. stupid man! Thanks

OP posts:
PorpentinaScamander · 12/03/2019 11:40

Oh Kismet what an idiot! Flowers

KismetJayn · 12/03/2019 11:57

Thank you both. He is an idiot!!

I have known this friend since we were in primary school. He denied wanting to sleep with her while making jokes about it for years. I knew there was substance to it, it wasn't just 'banter' but what the fuck. He even tried to make it like a family day out as he's meant to be taking DD this weekend and asked if she wanted to go with the two of them to the farm first Hmm

It's stupid, ridiculous, and creepy. (Also the farm in this weather???)

hiddengem86 · 12/03/2019 14:19

NASA20 even the most toxic of relationships still hurt like hell. I had horrendous time with my partner, it still hurts like hell. And just keep telling myself the pain will get easier each day. I was walking around Asda today and just wanted to cry when I spotted items I would usually pick up for him when he was over. How sad!

Kismetjayn what a bell end asking your close friend out, didn't he think your child would tell you also.

NASA20 · 13/03/2019 09:06

hiddengem86 thats what I keep doing, I was sorting the bedroom out last night (as i plan on decorating to make it nie for me now) and I kept finding things of his, and things I had bought him, there are reminders everywhere. The most hurtful thing is he is choosing a life away from us, I'm no longer important to him, he now ignores my text messages or takes hours to reply when all im trying to do is sort contact and stuff for the kids. Its like a slap in the face, one minute he loved me and now he doesnt. 11 years clearly means nothing to him.

PorpentinaScamander · 13/03/2019 10:35

I'm really struggling still. I cant settle to anything.
I feel sick. I cant eat. I cant believe hes done this to me. To us. We were so happy. He messaged me that morning to tell me he loved me. Hes message me since saying he loves me.
I don't know how to go on

Paulstevens · 13/03/2019 11:30

Well here I am on mumsnet, I'm a guy as my name might suggest. I've spent time trying to find a place a man can find a compassionate ear but it's actually very difficult. So if anyone can suggest a forum then I'd be very grateful. But as I'm here and struggling I'll just write a small bit about a very hard two years I've been through. Before I do I will accept and acknowledge that my situation is nothing compared to many others, but I really am finding things difficult.

I married an amazing woman in August 2016. She actually proposed to me and I accepted with the biggest smile. However in February 2017 she told me out of the blue that it's over, I moved out and eventually found a nice place to rent. Over the next year or so she kept calling me, coming round for coffee, we'd go out for a meal or a drink, we'd go for walks in the summer through the fields and along the waterside. She would even spend the night at my place quite often. Throughout all this time I would tell her how much I loved her and that I would love for us to fix any if the issues that she thought we had in our relationship. She never actually told me of any, in fact she would say how wonderful I am and how I shouldn't change as I'm such a lovely man. But she would make it clear that we were not together and that I should move on.

Its worth mentioning that she does suffer with mental health issues and is menopausal. And by her admission the menopause is causing her all kinds of issues. She keeps coming on and of of hrt. She also went through a lot of CBT sessions and she asked me to go with her on every one, although I sat in the waiting room.

Then without any reason I knew of at the time she stopped all contact for two weeks. I then get a text saying we need to talk. She came round and told me that she had been seeing someone for a few months but it was over now. It was in her words a big mistake but nothing more than a bit of excitement.

Come to September this year, I had joined a dating site. I wasn't ready as I was still so in love with her. But I was so depressed and struggling to find a reason to carry on, so I guess as a distraction I thought It might help. I know it was the wrong thing to do but I didn't know what else to do.

Out of the blue I get a call from her. She's crying uncontrollably and basically wanted us to get back together. Saying that she didn't want to lose me, and she would understand if i said no after all the heartache she had put me through.

All my dreams come true that day. After a couple of months we all went for a meal, and she got down on one knee in front of everyone and offered me my wedding band back and asked if we could renew our vows. I moved back into the house. Gave up my flat, we had an amazing Christmas and spoke about the future and even booked a holiday

I'm now looking for a place to live again. Four weeks ago she said she no longer sees a future. I'm in pieces :(

PorpentinaScamander · 13/03/2019 11:36

Sorry to hear how hard things are for you at the moment @Paulstevens men are welcome here too.

hiddengem86 · 13/03/2019 12:53

NASA20 I've gathered all his items up and put them in a cupboard so I can't see them around the house as it's a trigger for a wave of horrible emotions every time I see something. I feel for you I really do. Just try not to contact him as I know in the last I have felt so desperate I've just used any excuse. And then the cycle of being hurt starts again where I've been ignored or had a one word answer back hours later. Try to stay strong keep busy and It will get easier.

hiddengem86 · 13/03/2019 12:55

PaulStevens sounds like this women is keeping you dangling on a string. You should try and break free as you will never be able to move forward and be happy while she is pulling you back. So hard when you love someone I know.

bombaygin · 13/03/2019 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NASA20 · 13/03/2019 13:40

hiddengem yes i did the same last night, threw away any clothes he had left behind and took him out of every picture I could see and have given them to my son for his room.
I just dont get how they can suddenly just cut off from us like its so easy, I think if i knew he was hurting too I'd at least feel a bit better but its like hes made of ice. I wish I felt the same and my heart didnt race everytime my phone went.

LifeCasting · 13/03/2019 13:46

Please may I join you?

I am heartbroken. He wasn’t the man I thought...

LifeCasting · 13/03/2019 13:53

This thread is amazing. You have all put up with so much - drug addiction, infidelity, awful relationships... it’s all so bad, how humans can be...

I think mine was in love with me. Deeply. But bitch woman wanted him too, and somehow he thought he have us both until my suspicious mind would “drive him away”. What rubbish.

It would never work now, even if he were to come begging. We had already split once and I was on edge...also losing respect for him.

I could talk forever but nothing changes. I am grieving what I thought it was.

NASA20 · 13/03/2019 14:00

Hi LifeCasting sounds like youve had a lucky escape from a cheater but I know it wont feel like that to you. Its just the worst feeling loving someone even when you know it wont work. Sending hugs.

LifeCasting · 13/03/2019 14:10

Thank you NASA20 I don’t need to describe the pain, do I? As you said, even the most toxic pain hurts. I feel dreadful. No sleep, can’t eat. Have headaches.

Shall we distract ourselves?
I like listening to Classic FM.
What soothes you?

LifeCasting · 13/03/2019 14:11

P.S. Thank you for hugs! I am returning them...

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