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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My boyfriend of 5 years just got his penis out in front of me and my friend

168 replies

cantchange · 24/02/2019 02:04

Right. He had a habit of doing this a while back until I told him it was fucking unacceptable. His old friends laugh about it - he's a bit joker and is used to getting away with murder because he such a flipping character, not to mention a massive player. He says he thinks it's just funny but he must be being disingenuous.

I spelled out a few years ago that this was fucking unacceptable. If for no other reason that it made me feel horrible and disrespected. So he stopped all that crazy shit and has been very loving and attentive for years. I so wanted to believe he had changed. He's changed in so many ways, calmed down, got older basically and realised he likes his life with me.

So my oldest friend came over tonight. We hung out, caught up, drank wine. He came back around 10 a little tipsy from the pub after watching rugby, so far so normal. So my friend and I were dancing around the kitchen, he was reading his phone, facebook, football, etc. Just very low key. I don't know what it was but I sensed my friend and he were being a bit flirty. Next thing he has his semi erect cock out.

I went mad and told him that he knew it was unacceptable. I left the room and told them to get on with it. She left after trying to comfort me, but I said I was fine just obviously pissed off.

He then gets all defensive, says he was just having a laugh, Kept saying sorry, and when I was still pissed off, all the "how many times can I say I'm sorry." Then "I was drunk" and I said so what if I'm not with you and you get drunk - what might happen then?. Tried to explain that it was a sexual thing, it wasn't his foot. He was basically pissed off with me...just that kind of defensive anger.

I thought he'd changed, but now I'm back to thinking I can't trust him. God please tell me how you would react. He said I was overreacting. I just want to make him realise how shit this is. So tell me how you would feel and what you would do. I'm calm but on the verge of thinking I should end it. By the way, we have a wonderful time together, spend loads of time together and laugh every day so it's a really good relationship. I need advice please please.....oh god men

OP posts:
SpanielEars070 · 24/02/2019 08:57

There is no such thing as a "player". The words you're looking for are "dirty old man" and "pervert". Oh, and let's add in "juvenile" and "pathetic" for good measure.

You are a very desperate lady if you're prepared to tolerate that and I feel really sorry for you.

Turlet · 24/02/2019 09:01

I agree with others here, you and your friend were indecently exposed. If he did that with people he didn't know he could be prosecuted. I would take it very seriously. It doesn't matter what age you are, respect should be there, regardless of age.
Best of luck with whatever you choose to do.

Billben · 24/02/2019 09:03

Oh my Lord, when I was reading your post I was imagining you lot being young, early 20s 😱

At his age he’s just a dirty old man (and I’m 43). No way would I want to grow old with somebody like that 🤮

historymystery · 24/02/2019 09:05

LTB

What a vile disgusting pervert.

Margot33 · 24/02/2019 09:06

The fact you want him still, is grim. I hope your friend reports him to the police for sexual assault and he goes onto the sex offenders list. Have more respect for yourself and leave him.

GaraMedouar · 24/02/2019 09:08

Yuck, just yuck.

Beetlewing · 24/02/2019 09:12

That's too fucking childish for me. I've had to have words with my OH in the past for mooning. His group of friends would just laugh and somewhat enable it - but it's not funny or socially acceptable and it's embarrassing.

LovingLola · 24/02/2019 09:15

Have you spoken to your friend yet? I would imagine she will be telling other people...

SaturdayNext · 24/02/2019 09:21

When he claims that this behaviour has "worked" in the past to get a threesome, I suspect he's fantasising. It's only in porn films that women are so overcome with lust at the sight of a penis that they immediately start stripping off.

Crazyfrog007 · 24/02/2019 09:21

I literally can't get my head around this. I genuinely thought you were both in your 20s until you said over 50. Fuck me. That's just crazy.

For context, I'm in my late 20s. My other half is a bit bonkers after a drink, but never has he EVER whapped his cock out or made me feel disrespected or insecure.

If he did, he'd be out the door.

Ditch the dick. Not worth the agro.

JustHereForThePooStories · 24/02/2019 10:23

I’ve been with my husband for almost 20 years. We’ve built a life, have property, finances are tied, families are intertwined. Splitting would be difficult.

However, if he did this, he’d be out the door before he could get his zip back up.

It’s grim.

GnomeDePlume · 24/02/2019 10:30

I am trying to think of any circumstance where my DH(54) or DS(20) would expose themselves like that. Sober or drunk absolutely nothing comes to mind.

GreatWesternValkyrie · 24/02/2019 10:32

He’s disgusting. In your shoes, I’d be seriously concerned about what other unwelcome sexual behaviour he’s exhibited towards females over the years.

He is not a “joker”, a “character”, a “player” ....he’s a 50 year old sex pest who Is one step away from a police visit.

You asked how others would feel and what they would do? I’d feel embarrassed, disgusted and angry at his behaviour. I would end the relationship immediately and I would certainly not minimise his behaviour by stating that it says something about other people (his story about the mere sight of his penis winning over women to have a threesome is utter BS) or was a “god, men!” problem like he’d left the toilet seat up again.

See him for what he is and disassociate yourself ASAP, then spend a bit of time reassessing your own boundaries and relationship choices, as I think you need a bit of a reset on what you’re wiling to accept.

ChakiraChakra · 24/02/2019 10:51

Maybe no one told your boyfriend not to?

He's around 50+ years old. I'm certain that in the last FIFTY YEARS plenty of people have told him not to Hmm including the OP, repeatedly, 5 years ago.

At 50 he does not need parenting to know that whapping out his willy is wrong, disrespectful and illegal. If he was a pet dog somebody would have chopped his balls off by now for being inappropriately randy and humping every leg in sight. Humans are supposed to know better Hmm

PhilomenaButterfly · 24/02/2019 10:56

People with ADHD have poor impulse control. I don't know how many years I've got ahead of me telling DS that it makes people feel uncomfortable and if he does it when he's older he could get in serious trouble. Maybe some people never learn.

PhilomenaButterfly · 24/02/2019 10:57

And DS knows better, but doesn't know how to stop himself.

luckylavender · 24/02/2019 10:58

I couldn't live with that

zippey · 24/02/2019 11:02

You can do better.

dinkydolphin · 24/02/2019 11:10

If any man at any age did this out of the blue to me nomatter the circumstance (apart from sex obvs) I would report it to the police. It would be over my dead body that someone would think it was acceptable.

You could find him on the sex register at some point if he does it in front of the wrong person. Then your really in trouble.

MargueritaPink · 24/02/2019 11:13

Right. He had a habit of doing this a while back until I told him it was fucking unacceptable. His old friends laugh about it - he's a bit joker and is used to getting away with murder because he such a flipping character, not to mention a massive player. He says he thinks it's just funny but he must be being disingenuous

Well I'm almost 60 and I have never come across or even heard of any man of any age behaving like this. He is a vile, bullying creep. You also need to take a long hard look at yourself.

ooooohbetty · 24/02/2019 11:20

It's weird. I've never known any man to do that. It's also really creepy. He's a total slimeball.

Debruary · 24/02/2019 11:28

‘Massive player’. Nope.
Massive creep.

If any man apart from my husband, stranger, friend, friends partner etc got his penis out in front of me I would be horrified, and I’d think there was something wrong with him. You really want to be dating that guy?

Debruary · 24/02/2019 11:29

I meant apart from my husband ie stranger, friend blah blah.

That wasn’t a list of acceptable cock showers Grin

HotpotLawyer · 24/02/2019 11:42

In what world are women tempted into threesomes (or anything) by men flashing their dicks?

OP: do you mean he might have been involved in threesomes with other people during your relationship?

bigchris · 24/02/2019 11:43

People expressing shock at over50s doing this

On OLD they do this at this age, send dick pics, many men never seem to grow out of it sadly