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Original poster

What would you think if your ex

145 replies

why100000 · 23/02/2019 19:49

If your ex, whom you weren’t on speaking terms with, but who regularly saw your kids, started doing the following - what would you think -

Leaving portions of food for you for when you got home from work (he comes to my house almost every day and cooks the dc their dinner - by the time I come home he has left) - he tells the kids to leave some food for me.

Dropping takeaway off for the dc at the weekend and there is (blatantly) enough for you as well.

Talking to one of your dc about you in general - what music you used to like, how you used to drink a lot of water (true) - stuff like that.

What would you think?

Clutching at straws I know

Bearing in mind it was a really difficult divorce.

OP posts:
Samind · 23/02/2019 19:51

Do you want to get back with him?

Contraceptionismyfriend · 23/02/2019 19:52

I've got to be honest he just sounds courteous.
If he's cooking it's no bother to cook that little extra more. And the same with the take away.

If you've got children together and do a past you're bound to come up in conversation. Especially if one of your DC likes something similar to you.

Why did you break up? Was it something bad? Or could you reach out again?

Motherofcreek · 23/02/2019 19:52

Maybe he is just relaxing in to a comfortable pace of just being friendly with you?

Has is your relationship?

mummmy2017 · 23/02/2019 19:53

I'd say his brand new shinny life is no fun.
He suddenly is thinking of how easy life was married, kids around and company at night, so he is being nice to you..
Just thank him and ignore it.
The reason you divorced is still there.

Original poster
why100000 · 23/02/2019 20:03

We are not on speaking terms at all. The divorce was difficult. Sorry to link to another thread but here is a recent one of mine which explains more.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3513399-What-if-you-loved-your-other-half-but-in-the-end-their-behaviour-towards-you-was-untenable-but-having-divorced-them-you-realised-that-you-would-always-love-them

A new wave of grief has hit me and it is bad - really bad.

I instigated the divorce - and he immediately got together with someone else - for several months while we were forced to live together. I don’t know if he is still with this person.

He comes into my house when / if he picks any of the dc at the weekend to go and do stuff - and I lock myself in the bathroom (before I know he is about to come in) and hide because the sound of his familiar voice makes the sadness frankly unbearabe.

I know that sounds strange but the divorce was bad.

OP posts:
AfterSchoolWorry · 23/02/2019 20:05

I'd be paranoid he was to something.

Original poster
why100000 · 23/02/2019 20:06

Do you want to get back with him?

Now I am thinking I do SadSadSad.

Even though my reasons for divorcing him were more than valid - they were extremely valid.

OP posts:
Original poster
why100000 · 23/02/2019 20:07

I'd be paranoid he was to something.

What would you be paranoid about?

OP posts:
Original poster
why100000 · 23/02/2019 20:07

unbearable

OP posts:
Insomnibrat · 23/02/2019 20:09

I'd text him and ask him straight

Samind · 23/02/2019 20:09

Do you maybe you miss the familiarity or routine of having a partner? What do you do for you? Like not meaning work or kids. Just for you?

Original poster
why100000 · 23/02/2019 20:11

What would you ask him?

He never answers any of my texts (which are usually about something to do with the kids).

OP posts:
Debruary · 23/02/2019 20:11

I’d think my boundaries were a bit skewiff tbh.

Having someone you don’t talk to at all in your house every day is not normal.

Original poster
why100000 · 23/02/2019 20:13

I think I was very caught up in the feelings of anger and hurt that propelled me through the divorce.

Now that anger has abated a bit, and the sadness is all engulfing.

My life is work, kids, and decorating the house - slowly - room by room.

OP posts:
Doglikeme · 23/02/2019 20:14

All of these things are normal and polite. I'd think he was teaching the children the way to behave. It'd be incredibly strange to bring your DCs food and not you.
Also asking about you could be to buy you a present because again, he wants to yeah your children how they should behave. I don't think he wants to get back with you, it'd be a strange way to go about it.

mildshock · 23/02/2019 20:15

Honestly, I'd just think he was showing kindness for your DCs sakes, so they don't grow up thinking you dislike each other. Especially as he doesn't contact you at all.

Could you instigate a conversation by thanking him for the meals?

Original poster
why100000 · 23/02/2019 20:16

Having someone you don’t talk to at all in your house every day is not normal.

Yes there is that, but it is so he can see the dc and generally we don’t cross paths. Where he is living at the moment is not really suitable for them to go, but within about 6 months he should be sorted with somewhere much better and the dc can then go there.

and then the loneliness of my situation will really be starkly evident

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 23/02/2019 20:17

I’d think that he is parenting and showing his dc how to be a nice person, but that’s it

mummmy2017 · 23/02/2019 20:18

I just read your last post.
He is playing you.
Just in case he is ever alone. He doesn't want you but your in his mind as his emergency just in case if in a decade no one wants him.
So he leaves you food, just to make sure that tiny flicker of hope in you never dies...
The best revenge is to be happy, find yourself, you don't need a man to do this, you just need to find what makes you happy.

Samind · 23/02/2019 20:18

Well what about time for you? Like actual time out? Have you anyone that you could go for dinner or drinks with? Groups? I'm not writing you off as someone that needs to be in company etc but you need time to be your own person. I have a partner now but before him I was with someone who messed me about something serious and I couldn't take it anymore so I finished with him. Completely different situation but I understand the feelings of I am justified in finishing it but I still wanted him back too. Agreed on the boundaries point too. That's bound to be difficult too for you when he's about all the time. Maybe feels like he's not actually left.....

mummmy2017 · 23/02/2019 20:20

Stop hiding in the bathroom, just nod at him and go into another room.
You can do this, tiny steps...

Original poster
why100000 · 23/02/2019 20:21

just to make sure that tiny flicker of hope in you never dies...

It is this. At least as far as I am concerned. The hope that he would be kinder to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
why100000 · 23/02/2019 20:22

That's bound to be difficult too for you when he's about all the time. Maybe feels like he's not actually left....

Yes.

OP posts:
Debruary · 23/02/2019 20:22

Yes there is that, but it is so he can see the dc and generally we don’t cross paths

I get that, but I think having him ‘there but not there’ isn’t allowing you the distance to fully break away and heal (ugh, but you know what I mean).

Original poster
why100000 · 23/02/2019 20:25

Could you instigate a conversation by thanking him for the meals?

This would be scary as I am used to being ostracised by him (one of the reasons for the divorce) - so now of course he doesn’t talk to me at all - since I divorced him.

He would ostracise me for weeks if there was something which kind of tipped him over the edge - while we were married that is.

OP posts: